How To Have a Successful Fourth of July LDS Family Reunion:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

General LDS Family Reunion Supplies Needed:

1 - Cheap Hamburger Meat
2 - Homemade Hamburger Buns
3 - Home-canned dill pickles from Grandma’s backyard that everyone’s leery of.
4 - Generic-brand potato chips
5 - Warm potato salad
6 - Dirty salt and pepper shakers
7 - Other left-overs in the cupboard that are now considered filler food
8 - Kool-aid that sure to give you Diabetes
9 - Three diet cokes
10 - Ten bags of Oreos, five chocolate cakes, twelve pans of brownies, a big bowl of m&m's.
11 - A few Xanax

Instructions:

Before eating, while everyone is starving, have Grandpa, in a very monotone voice, tell about his lengthy heritage, his years in the service and the gratitude everyone should have for our country.

Right before everyone is ready to slit their wrists if they have to hear one more word of Grandpa's speech, have Grandma look at Grandpa with a fake, surprised look -- acting as though she can’t understand why everyone would ever fall asleep during Grandpa’s talk when she was the first one to succumb. In her Relief Society voice, have her suggest to Grandpa that a blessing be given on the food.

Then, have Grandpa say, (‘cause Grandpa’s so insecure that he has to feel like everything is his idea) “I’ve got a great idea, Dear (Have him emphasize the word, Dear, as if saying, ‘Do this or else.’) Why don’t we sing one verse of the National Anthem before we have the prayer?” Have Grandma agree ‘cause she can’t disagree with Grandpa or the rest of the day is ruined.

Have the family sing, while cousin James in the pony tail walks off to take a cigarette break.

Following a musically dysfunctional rendition of the National Anthem, have everyone dive into the food as if they haven’t eaten in weeks even though every one is packing at least a few extra pounds. Have one of the distant cousins comment to the stranger next to him, “It’s nice we have songs like the National Anthem … to remind us of the importance of carrying a gun.” Have him chuckle and then wink.

Make sure everyone binges, and then have a few people purge.

Following dinner, divide the group into two groups, except for James who has gone for another smoke. Give each group an old, stained bed sheet in which a water balloon is placed in one bed sheet while the other group holding the other bed sheet tries to catch the water balloon. Have everyone laugh at this and feel a deep, eternal family bond. Then, after about a half hour, have one of the cousins suffering from ADHD suggest throwing something else from sheet to sheet. Have someone suggest the little three-year old that just walked by. Have the three-year-old say, “Sure,” at the suggestion and climb onto the sheet. Have the sheet drop and a few family members fall and everyone laugh in delight at the fun that can be had at a LDS family reunion.

Then, have the obnoxious cousin, whom everybody wonders what he did wrong in the pre-existence, suddenly grab a water balloon and start a water balloon fight. Have half the group having the time of their life, and the other half mad, including James who says, “That thing had better not hit me or else.”

Have the balloon hit James. Have James freaks out, then get in the face of the thirteen-year-old who threw it.

Have someone grab James and have uncelestial words start flying.

Have the whole thing eventually settle down and then, finally, at the end of the reunion, have someone say, “Wasn’t this a great family reunion? We need to do this again next year.”

MAKE OR BREAK BREAKING NEWS: DO'S AND DON'TS FOR WARD BISHOPRIC MEMBERS

Do’s and Don’ts for Ward Bishopric Members:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 - Do attend all your meetings.

Do not let the Ward catch you in your driveway during Sunday School in shorts hitching your boat up to a truck on your way to Lake Powell.

2 - Do have musical numbers performed during Sacrament Meeting:

Do not have a member play, “How Great Thou Art,” on their garage hand saw.

3 - Do compliment your speakers.

Do not compliment women who cry their whole way through their testimony and then say, “I’m sorry I’m such a big boob,” by saying, “That’s okay, Sister. We like big boobs.”

4 - Do hold tithing settlement.

Do not laugh and say, when you see the total amount of tithing paid, “How’d you get by on that?”

5 - Do give to every member of the Ward.

Do not give so much to every member of the Ward that you get burn out, take off in the middle of the night, go missing for three days and then become found pumping gas in a small town in Southern Utah.

6 - Do relax during Sacrament Meeting.

Do not relax so much that you fall asleep and drool on the shoulder of the person seated next to you.

7 – Do maintain your personal life.

Do not maintain your personal life so much that you wear a blue sweater under your suit coat every time BYU wins a football game.

8 – Do interview the youth bi-annually.

While interviewing the youth, do not ever scream the words, “You did what?”

9 – Do visit the elderly.

After visiting the elderly, do not ever let any of them over hear you saying to another Ward member, "Why would Heaven allow these people to live so long that they have to become a burden to everyone?"

10 – Do be the father of the Ward.

Do not be the father of the Ward so much that you end up grounding people, giving long Robert Reed-type speeches, not listening when spoken to or telling stupid “Dad” jokes.

Ten Things That Make Mormons Feel Very Sad:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 - Making a prize-winning omelet, then sitting down to eat it and suddenly remembering it’s Fast Sunday.

2 - Going into an interview with the Bishop, thinking you’ll be called as the next Relief Society President and being called as a Ward Missionary instead.

3 - Finding out, during tithing settlement, that that one check you thought you turned in for five hundred dollars never got turned in.

4 - Finding all of the scrapbook pages you worked so hard to complete are now stuck together.

5 - Discovering the wheat you worked so hard to earn and store has now become overrun with weevils.

6 - Not serving a foreign mission.

7 – One hundred percent attendance on behalf of the scouts at Scout Camp with a no-show on behalf of all of the volunteer fathers (Oops, sad mixed up with mad on this one!).

8 – Finding out that it’s Tuesday, after Family Home Evening has already been held.

9 – Showing up for any early morning church meeting, forgetting that it’s the first day of Fall daylight savings.

10 – Missing a movie with all of your friends because you thought it was rated R, only to find out it was rated PG.

HAPPY HAPPY BREAKING NEWS: TEN THINGS THAT MAKE MORMONS REALLY HAPPY

Ten Things That Make Mormons Really Happy:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


Getting a “yes” on the first phone call made for a Primary substitute.

Remembering on the 30th day of the month that there are 31 days in this particular month, so there’s one more day left to do home/visiting teaching.

Remembering on Sunday morning, as one is looking for their Sunday School manual, that it is Stake Conference Sunday.

Finding all of your genealogy with the push of one button at the Family History library.

Going in for a church calling and finding out the call is not to be the next Ward Nursery Leader, Scout Leader or Ward Mission Leader.

Thinking it is Fast Sunday, then finding out it isn’t.

Discovering one is right when it comes to certain Church doctrine, especially if the doctrine is controversial or of a delicate nature.

Getting out of any church meeting early.

At the close of a meeting, hearing the announcement that a blessing will now be given on the food.

Finding out the new Bishop is not the person no one gets along with.

FERFUN BREAKING NEWS: COMMENTS FROM UTAH MORMONS

Comments From Utah Mormons:
(Bettyanne Bruin)

Beshurin dewyer geneeolugy… ‘cuz if you don’t, someone’s gunna gi-chew!

Why eet peetza with a knife and a fark when you can hold it with yer hands?

My cah had some ki-ens lass ni. They’re sacute and ferry.

I’ll tell ya su-uh…them mou-ains sure are perdy!

Wudderyermean that vaccum don’t work? I just fixed it yestirdee.

The cap’n is sewfun. There aren’t many cap’ns like our cap’n.

I dunno nuthin’ never, not nowhere, now nohow!

GRRR BREAKING NEWS: QUESTIONS LDS PEOPLE GET TIRED OF BEING ASKED

Questions LDS People Get Tired of Being Asked
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

Do you have more than one wife? Geez, what would it be like to have more than one wife? Keeping them happy would be harder than surviving a fall off a skyscraper! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I know you can’t drink beer, but can you drink root BEER? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Is it hard to baptize dead people? What’s the hardest part? Getting them to say, “Thank you?” Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I heard you can’t chew gum or dance? How come Donny and Marie can dance and chew gum and you can’t? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

If I pay someone, will they let me go in the temple? How about if I give them my Mastercard or Visa instead? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

In order to be a Mormon, do you HAVE to be a republican? Can you be a democrat or a libertarian or does everyone have to vote for the same person? If Arnold Schwatzenager ran for President, would everyone HAVE to vote for him? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Do you grow all your own food and make all your meals from scratch? I’d rather slit my wrists than do that! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

A long time ago, I heard two guys ate each other high on a mountain top. Who ate who first? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Thank you, everyone, for your support! Of all of the countless things I love so much, happyjellybeans is right up there at the top!!! I appreciate the over 1500 hits per month to stop by and say hi. I would love to hear from you, especially ideas or feedback relating to this site cause I know you all have something even more important to say. Feel free to email me at bag727@yahoo.com. Until then, uh oh, Father's Day is coming!!!

PATERNAL BREAKING NEWS: LDS FATHER'S DAY CARDS AVAILABLE NOW!!!

DON'T WAIT!!!
GET YOURS NOW!!!
LDS FATHER'S DAY CARDS:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


Thanks for not doing your home teaching, Dad, ‘cause we love being with you every night of the month!

Sorry about burning down your tent at Scout Camp last Summer, Dad, but I promise, if you’ll come with me next year, I’ll never douse your tent with lighter fluid ever again.

Do you realize, Dad, that Father’s Day could be even better if it wasn’t for Adam’s transgression? But, have a good day any way.

Sorry, Dad, that sometimes I’m so glad when you come home that I wrap my arms around your neck and nearly choke you.

Thanks for having a family here on Earth, Dad, that we want to spend our life with through all eternity, except for those two wayward children, Kristin and Randy.

Dad, thanks for sitting up at that little table in the front of the chapel each Sunday, strolling the aisles to count how many people are in attendance, then going back up to your little table and drifting off to sleep so that we can all watch you instead of listening to some of those long, boring talks.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. May all of your basketball games next year not end up costing you so much money in attorney’s fees.

You’re the best, Dad. Even though your Primary class drives you crazy and you have to put them in a headlock sometimes, I think they’re finally starting to get the message that reverence begins with each one of us.

Thanks for hanging in there on all of those family nights, Dad, and letting us drag you to family prayer, and for letting us keep your bedroom door open each morning so you can hear us during family scripture-time.

Sorry you didn’t win the Pinewood Derby, Dad, and you really shouldn’t have slugged the winner in the face and gotten hauled off by the cops, but we still love you anyway.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad, and thanks for ringing the buzzer in Sunday School to remind everyone in the Ward of what a loser you are. (Just kidding, Russ.)

HAPPY FATHER’ DAY, DAD!!!

ANCIENT BREAKING NEWS: SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE TAKING YOUR GENEALOGICAL RESEARCH TOO SERIOUSLY

Signs You Might Be Taking
Your Genealogical Research
Too Seriously

(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 -

You can’t wait for all of your living relatives to die

so they can become your next ancestors.

2-

You can’t wait to meet Adam and Eve.

3 -

You’ve already had corrective eye surgery

as a result of staring at those

micro fiche machines for so long.

4 –

You look forward to spending time with your dead relatives

while you dread spending time with your living ones.

5 -

You’ve threatened to harm anyone

who tries to update your pedigree charts.

6 -

You actually know how to spell the word, genealogy.

7 -

People avoid you at family reunions.

8 –

You look at everything in your life from a backwards

instead of a forwards perspective.

9 –

You’ve started making up family histories

for those ancestors you can't find histories for.

10 –

You’d rather attend a genealogy seminar in Elko, Nevada

than a two-week trip at a five-star hotel

on the coast of Maui.

BREAKING NEWS: AVAILABLE NOW: ADVICE ON LIFE FROM LDS WARD LEADERS

AVAILABLE NOW:
ADVICE ON LIFE FROM WARD LEADERS!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


Advice on life from a High Priest:

Some believe life is for eating, drinking and being merry, but life is really for eating, drinking and sleeping. So sleep, sleep a lot. And when you are finished sleeping, sleep some more.

Advice on life from a Ward Basketball Player:
Always shoot for the best and, when life gets you down, be sure to take a good upper cut at anything that might be getting in the way of scoring every point you can.

Advice on life from a Relief Society President:
You can be perfect. And, if you can’t be perfect, go on medication.

Advice on life from a Primary child:
If someone is pestered long enough, eventually he, she or them will give in.

Advice on life from a Scoutmaster:
While doing your duty, try not to entertain thoughts of harming others, especially little boys under the age of twelve who have been sent to camp to give their families a break.

Advice on life from a Scrapbooker:
Life always looks better glued to a piece of paper.

Advice on life from a Genealogist:
Always search for what is missing most in your life.

Advice on life from a Ward librarian:
Even true friends or perfect saints refuse to remember to return borrowed items.

Advice on life from a Ward Mission Leader:
No matter how hard people try to lose your phone number, don’t give up. You can always give them your phone number again and again and again.

Advice on life from a Nursery Leader:
Amidst the world's madness, Advil works best.

BREAKING NEWS: CRAZY TIME IN HAPPYJELLYBEANS NEIGHBORHOOD

Wow, it has been a crazy time in happyjellybeans neighborhood. After going to New York for book signings for my latest (co-authored) book, Shattered: Six Steps From Betrayal to Recovery, KUTV, Channel 2 in Salt Lake City called for an interview, other stations have called as well. Now, I must go to California to lay Dad to his final resting place. What a great guy. Until then (my return), I began my latest, which will be completed upon my return. If interested in viewing the KUTV tape, go to kutv.com, click on the Thelma Soares sitting at a table speaking into a microphone with the caption, "Thelma writes forword to book or Thelma endorses book." Thank you, Thelma. Thank you contributors to book. Thank you, everyone, for your collaborative effort, energy and support for this important and very timely subject.

And in between all of this, I like to indulge daily in what I refer to as my "Mormon cigarette." (No, I don't smoke. It's a joke: Mormon... pleasure.) Anyway, here is my latest under construction project. Thanks everyone! Bettyanne

Things I Needed to Know That I Did Not Learn in Primary:

Not to expect to shout and still expect to be rewarded.
That not everyone likes me.
To keep my shoes on during important meetings.
That not everyone has the capabilities to grow a foot or two.
That it’s not possible to win every game.
That popcorn really doesn’t grow on apricot trees.

See you Monday. BB

FREAKY BREAKING NEWS: SIGN OF THE BEAST IS COMING SOON

Okay, so I'll get back
to my regularly scheduled broadcast soon,
but,
this morning it hit me...
I wrote down the date, 6/6/5...
A year from today?
6/6/6.

Yes, happyjellybeans.blogspot.com found it first.

Breaking News:
6/6/6 is coming.

Now,
lest you wonder
what happyjellybean's opinion is about this
manywillwantittobeahighlyreligious date?
HJB does not think,
nor will it ever think,
this date means anything more than
just another day in history.

However,
for all those
who will become ever so highly OCD focused
on this date,
they will most likely create
the exact catastrophic events
they are looking for.
Like when I was young,
and my mother said,
"There was once a man
who went around saying,
'The end of the world is tomorrow!'
And the next day he died.
And it was the end of the world,
for him.

So, my comment is,
make every day be your very own 6/6/6,
and choose how you're going to live it!

And, stay tuned...
more entries for happyjellybeans ill forthcoming.
(What a wonderful trip to New York. Whew.)

Be Back Soon

Bettyanne, the mastermind behind Happy Jelly Beans, is in New York this week. Please tune in next week for more hilarious shenanigans.

OH MY ACHING BACK BREAKING NEWS: HOW TO PREPARE TO BE YOUR WARD'S NEXT ELDER'S QUORUM PRESIDENT

How to Prepare to Be Your Ward’s
Next Elder’s Quorum President:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1. Make sure you live in a Ward with streets that are all level.

2. Make sure to become familiar with all of the people you don’t know or with whom you have never met.

3. If you weren’t called to this position because you currently own a truck, make sure to go out and purchase a very sturdy truck, preferably one with a moving van-type, enclosed back with a very dependable ramp.

4. Now, go to U-Haul or Home Depot and purchase a large dolly (preferably with straps) for transferring heavy objects, like refrigerators and pianos.

5. Make sure to update your health insurance to include physical therapy at a reputable physical rehab facility.

6. Be sure to purchase a cell phone, so that you can be reached anywhere, anytime, at a very last minute’s notice.

7. Make sure to purchase a palm-pilot to update and keep track of the two or three Ward members who are willing to help you move all of the people from Item #2 who do not abide by Item #1.

8. Six months after your calling, begin using item #5.

9. If item #5 doesn’t help, get rid of item #6 and 7.

10. Now you are fully prepared to be your Ward’s next Elder’s Quorum President.

YO BABY BREAKING NEWS: SOME BIG NEWS HAS BROKEN OUT IN THE HOOD

YO MORMON MAMA'S SO...
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

Yo Mormon Mama’s so weird that she’ll only consider sitting in a different seat in the chapel if stripped of her free agency.

Yo Mormon Mama’s so freaky that she believes every meal should include funeral potatoes.

Yo Mormon Mama’s so odd that she hopes someday she’ll own her own school bus so she can carpool all of her kids at the same time.

Yo Mormon Mama’s so uptight that she thinks fetch is a swear word.

Yo Mormon Mama’s so strange that her idea of a federal crime is scheduling a basketball game during Enrichment night.

Yo Mormon Mama’s so bizarre that she believes everything in life should be taped or glued onto the pages of a three ring binder

Yo Mormon Mama’s so out in left field that she thinks the world has come to an end every time she loses another Relief Society sign-up sheet.

Yo Mormon Mama’s so nutty that, to her, every problem in life is solved with a three-hour lecture.

Yo Mormon’s so beyond repair that she believes chewing gum on Fast Sunday is an absolute sin.

COMBINATION BREAKING NEWS: FINALLY, SCIENTIST HAVE DISCOVERED WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A MORMON IS COMBINED WITH A ...

SCIENTISTS FINALLY UNCOVER THE TRUTH:
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU COMBINE A...
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1. What do you get if you combine Christmas with a LDS person's food storage?
Lots of gifts that will definintely be stored for years with no plans to ever use them.

2. What do you get if 100 prisoners are ordered to sing in a Ward choir?
A choir director who’s finally happy someone’s willing to sing in the choir.

3. What do you get if you combine a Ward clerk with a Catholic perish?
A quiet guy who walks up and down the aisles every Sunday, counting and making notes on a tiny piece of paper while confusing all of the parishioners.

4. What do you get if you combine the behaviors of a dead ancestor with a high priest?
A high priest who will never wake up, even long after the meeting has ended.

5. What do you get if you combine a home teacher with a kid in the nursery?
Finally, a kid who only gets sick once a month.

6. What do you get if you combine a Primary teacher with a Police Officer?
A Police Officer who gives out treats along with each ticket he writes.

7. What do you get if you combine a basketball player with “Signs of the Times Expert”?
A “Signs of the Times Expert” who is not only obsessed with being right about all of the signs of the times, but is ready to beat up anyone who is wrong about the signs of the times.

LINKING BREAKING NEWS: THE VERY FIRST MORMON CHAIN LETTER!!!

THE VERY FIRST MORMON CHAIN LETTER
(Bettyanne Bruin)


Dear Brother and/or Sister of any and/or every Ward in the Church,

First of all: THIS IS NOT A CHAIN LETTER!!! Even though this looks like a chain letter, sounds like a chain letter and reads like a chain letter, THIS IS NOT A CHAIN LETTER!!! This is an official worldwide-linking-of-brothers-and-sisters-through-this-highly-effective-form-of-LDS-correspondence-system.
Please, take one cup of wheat and mail it to the first person to appear on the list below, then add your name to the bottom of the list. Then, send this letter to ten people, and within two weeks your entire family will receive more than enough wheat to last a lifetime!
If you do not want more wheat, simply change the focus of the letter to whatever your current need is, send that item out to the first person on the list, then send this highly-effective-form-of-LDS-correspondence-system to ten people and you will receive more than enough of whatever it is you need to last a lifetime -- Coke, Pepsi, chocolate, scrapbooking materials, children, Primary substitutes, camp directors, nursery leaders, etc.

Warning: Please do not break this chain, or, um, this highly-effective-form-of-LDS-correspondence-system. We heard someone did that once and the families participating within that particular correspondence system cluster nearly died as a result of being caught in the middle of a catastrophic disaster, including earthquakes in diverse places, unexpected and expected job loss, the birth of more children than expected, spending too much money on Christmas, one second coming false alarm, etc. All of the families within this particular highly-effective-form-of-LDS-correspondence-system cluster nearly died! So, please, take this correspondence system directive seriously.
DO NOT BE THE ONE TO BREAK THIS CHAIN, or, um, Highly-effective-form-of-LDS-correspondence-system. But, feel free to be the one who will be the biggest hero in this life and possibly the biggest hero in the next life as wellt life!
You must send this within the next five minutes or the chain, or, um, the Highly-effective-form-of-LDS-correspondence-system will be broken and you will be the one eternally responsible for any and all consequences that happen to you, any of your loved ones or any of the other six billion people roaming the Earth. So do it, and do it now!

With great faith and hope.
We know you can do it!
Do it now!
Five people!!!
Five minutes!!!
Don’t disappoint us!!!
Or else…..

SIZZLING BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN REASONS WHY MORMONS DRINK COKE (OR PEPSI)

Top Ten Reasons Why Mormons Drink Coke (or Pepsi):
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

"It keeps me awake during Church."

"It keeps me awake while I attend the temple."

"It keeps me awake while I do my visiting/home teaching."

"It keeps me awake while I do my genealogy."

"It keeps me awake during Family Home Evening."

"It keeps me awake during Family Prayer."

"It keeps me awake during family scripture study.

"It keeps me awake during the paying of my full tithing at tithing settlement."

"It kept me awake while I wrote my entire personal history."

"It kept me awake while I scrapbooked every person in my family tree, all the way back to Adam."

"The exact word “caffeine” is not mentioned specifically by the word itself in the Word of Wisdom or any other scripture. "

How to Create, Print and Send Out
an Official LDS Wedding Announcement
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

First: Begin collecting the names and addresses of everyone you, your fiancé, both sets of parents, grandparents and everyone else involved in the wedding have ever met before, including: relatives, friends, acquaintances, past boyfriends or girlfriends, former schoolmates, former roommates, mailmen, milkmen, enemies who might not want to be enemies any more, and anyone else you have met or may meet somewhere between now and the time of the wedding -- to make up the break the record for the largest group of people to ever meet in a LDS setting before.

Second: Begin creating the LDS Wedding announcement. The announcement must include the following:
* One picture of the happy couple (preferably with bleached teeth and an over-sized engagement ring) tucked in a natural setting.
* One set of directions that will mislead attendees for hours before finding the proper location of the wedding reception.
* A collection of foil snowflakes, leaves, hearts (or anything else that might symbolize the love or the season) that fall out and get stuck in the carpet and have to be commercially vacuumed by the attendees for up to five months later. (The tinier the better)
* Ten “Registered at” cards in case the attendees accidentally come to your wedding and forget to buy you a gift.

Third: The LDS wedding announcement usually expresses something so personal that the happy couple becomes extremely touched just knowing that special something they’ve expressed will be the most important thing ever read by an attendee before -- even though the happy couple’s statement will be sent to hundreds of attendees they’ve never met before.
Statements such as:
There is something we wanted only you to know, or
In life, there are few real friends like you, or
Since you have been so close to us through every year of our life, we…

Fourth: Remember, LDS wedding announcements do have some restrictions, for instance:
On a temple wedding invitation, it would not be in good taste to have an old-time, Country Western picture taken with one of you holding a gun while the other one holds a whiskey bottle.

Fifth: LDS wedding announcements are usually filled with kind words, such as, “Tom and Martha are pleased to announce…” and not, “After waiting two years for Bill, Laura is pleased to announce that she has decided instead to marry Jim Smith, the son of...”Sixth: The bride usually writes the LDS invitation. This prevents the groom from including such things as, “I was told right before I was released from my mission to get married. So, to follow my Mission President’s advice, I am pleased to say that I have chosen Ann Wall to be the person I have selected to go to the Celestial Kingdom with me.”

Seventh: The following words should never be printed on a LDS Wedding invitation:
“Til death do us part.

Eighth: You will know you are ready to send out your LDS Wedding invitation when you can answer “yes” to the following questions:a. Has your fiancé asked you to marry him yet?
b. Do you know your fiancé’s given name and surname name?c. Have you met your fiancé’s parents?d. Do they like you? (If not, invitations can still be sent out)
e. Does your fiancé have a job yet or will your fiancé have a job by the time you get married?f. Have you made the necessary arrangements to live at your parent’s house yet?g. Have your parents said yes yet? (If not, invitations can still be sent out.) h. Are you familiar with all of the collection agencies you will be dealing with once the bills for the enormous reception start coming in?
i. Is your fiancé at least half way finished with his mission yet?

If you can answer yes to the above questions, you are ready to create, print and send out your very own LDS Wedding invitation.

YEE-HAW BREAKING NEWS: PRIMARY COUNTRY WESTERN SONG TITLES

PRIMARY COUNTRY WESTERN SONG TITLES

(By Bettyanne Bruin)

Life Without You is Like a Tree Without Popcorn

I Understand Adam Was a Propeht,

But How Come I Have to Pick These Weeds?

If Families Are Gonna Be Together Forever,

Then Why Did I Pick You?

The Little Stream May Have Given

But It Was Also In a Hurry

When it Comes to My Face,

Meeting This Frown is Not by Chance

My Life is a Gift,

But My Life Has No Plan

Pioneer Children May Have Walked,

But If I Don’t Get My Car Fixed Soon

I’m Gonna Go Crazy!

Saturday Used To Be a Special Day

Until You Started Nagging Me

The Wise Man May Have Built His House Upon a Rock,

But the Poor Man's Gonna Have to Settle

For This Apartment on Main Street