BOOOREAKING NEWS: HALLOWEEN COSTUMES FOR LDS CHILDREN

HALLOWEEN COSTUMES FOR LDS CHILDREN:
(by Bettyanne Bruin)

Everyone knows Halloween can be a rewarding time of year,
especially this year when it happens to fall on FHE,
(thank Heavens)
which means parents do not have to plan a FHE lesson
or spend all of their money and time on treats.
Instead, parents will, once again, be able to help their little ones,
who came to this Earth to gain a body and be tested,
adorn themselves in fun costuming
to celebrate the biggest Pagan day of the year.

To help parents, here are some ideas for costumes:

Elvis serving as a missionary
after being baptized into the LDS church.

A scrapbooker, dressed in a prison outfit, after assaulting fellow scrapbookers at a scrapbooking sale.

A Relief Society President following her successful release
from a mental institution.

An Elder’s Quorum President recovering back surgery.

A High Priest sleeping in Sacrament Meeting.

A group of lost scouts.

A group of your favorite dead ancestors.

A high councilman giving a talk at the pulpit
along with a group of Ward members sleeping.

A Ward basketball player, adorned in prison garb.

A Nursery Leader suffering from every illness known to mankind.

A Ward chorister with a baton and hymnbook
and a glare that insists every door greeter SING LOUDER!!!

A last days expert sporting all of the latest survival gear.

A Primary teacher carrying Hefty bags filled with treats.

A Bishop with bags under his eyes who constantly checks his watch.

A Young Woman’s Leader dressed in all of the value colors.

A home teaching family looking for their home teacher.

YO BREAKING NEWS: YO MAMA IS SO LDS...

Yo Mama is so LDS…
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

...all of her license plates on all of her cars read RULDS2?
...she has twelve old strollers piled in her garage.
...the toy room is the biggest room in her house.
...she believes nursery leader is the highest calling in the church.
...she drives a school bus for the family car.
...she believes baking cookies should be an Olympic sport.
...she can turn rotten potatoes into a to-die-for front door wreath.
...she could be the poster child for Heaven.
...people hang her picture from their rear view mirror to remind them to be happy.
...if you look up the word “perfect” in the dictionary, you’d see her picture by it.
...she never had to dress up to go as an angel for Halloween.