JUST IN TIME FOR THANKSGIVING:
OTHER THINGS LDS PEOPLE ARE GRATEFUL FOR:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Like everyone else, LDS people are grateful for such things as the family, prayer, the scriptures, plus the Gospel, temples, a prophet and many more things that enrich our lives continually. But, many times, we, too, forget to be grateful for the other things that make our life wonderful, like:
Sugar
Ward directories
A clock in the chapel
Easels that work
Illnesses that are minor, but sufficient enough to cancel teaching a class.
General Conference Sundays (Where laying on a couch eating munchies while attending church is acceptable.)
Padded pews
Mega-sized vacuum cleaners to vacuum those huge cultural halls.
Church dumpsters
The day after Young Women’s or Scout camp.
Knowing the Bishop is human too
Babies (or children) who are more disruptive than one’s own
That there is a space provided directly behind the pulpit, large enough for a fainting person to fall between, should something unforeseen happen.
Short church talks
Delicious treats
Short prayers
Hymn books within reach of the seat you're sitting in
Disposable casserole dishes
Have a fantastic and a very Happy Thanksgiving, and enjoy all the fruits (meat, vegetables and desserts) this wonderful Gospel provides!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
OH MY HECK BREAKING NEWS: THE IMPACT OF THE DAY AFTER THE BYU/UOFU GAME IN THE LDS CHURCH
THE MOST PECULIAR DAY OF THE YEAR
IN THE LDS CHURCH
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Once a year, members of the LDS church
(ah-hem, mostly men)
try to recreate a moment from the Book of Mormon:
The Nephite/Lamanite rivalry.
During this dispensation of time, the battle is known as:
THE BYU/UofU FOOTBALL GAME!!!
And it came to pass that, this year again, nearly all of the campus, as well as the entire city of Provo, was shrink-wrapped to avoid any possibility of vandalism—another tactic used by these secret combination wannabees.
Inside the stadium, the fans go crazy. Even though most of them are LDS, you wouldn't know it by watching 'em. For a day, these fans make the people in the great and spacious building, or soccer fans, look like model citizens as the two sides point and jeer and yell and scream at each other (no profanities, and it is mostly popcorn and Tic Tacs that are thrown). If there is anything virtuous, lovely or praiseworthy, it is not going to be found in this arena -- where the two teams of stripling warriors fight to the death (while their mothers watch) to avoid letting a poor, little pig-skinned ball make it over the finish line. Boo-hoo.
And when it is all over…oh no…sorry…excuse me….it is never all over when it comes to this rivalry, because boys will be boys ... meaning, the next day, at church, these men of spiritually high places turn to complete clowns as they continue to fight for the team they support.
And the results are as follows:
(For those of you, around the world, who don’t know what happens after the phenomenon of a BYU/UofU football game, here are some of the follow-up statistics from yesterday’s game in which the U of U won, 41 to 34 in an Armageddon overtime--okay, maybe there is a bit (alot) of happyjellybean exaggeration influence here):
In at least 50 Wards in Salt Lake City, the Bishop wore a red (UofU) tie while, in Provo, at least 50 Bishops wore a blue (BYU) tie.
In at least 50 Elder’s Quorums, the Elder’s Quorum President wore a red sweater in Salt Lake City while, in Provo, at least 50 Elder’s Quorum Presidents wore a blue sweater.
In Murray, UT (this is true) one guy Murray, wears an entire two-piece red suit! And this is not a Santa suit! This is a four-buttoned cuff, flaming red suit.
In at least 1,000 wards all over the world, the BYU/UofU football game was referenced at some point during yesterday’s three-hour block, either during a talk in Sacrament meeting, during Sunday School, or Priesthood.
At least 30 LDS parents dressed their kids in either a BYU cheerleader or a U of U cheerleader outfit for the nursery -- pom-poms included.
In at least 200 Wards, 2,000 Primary kids yelled, “Go Utes,” or “Go BYU,” during Sharing Time.
In one Ward, in one Ward choir, while the closing hymn was being sung, one faithful saint on the back row of the choir (unbeknownst to the bishopric) held up a small sign that read, “The U of U is Number One!”
In another Ward, when the hymnbooks were opened, a post-it note was stuck to the opening song page that read, “BYU is Number One!”
In at least 27 Wards in the church, a few faces were still painted blue and white or red and white.
In at least 32 Wards in the church, there was still the faint color of red or blue in some of the LDS member’s hair.
In at least 5 Wards, a child gave a Primary talk about crossing the goal line of life, using the BYU/U of U football game as an example of what it takes to win.
In at least 102 Wards, 102 men were not able to attend church as a result of their team losing. :(
In at least 12 Wards, someone prayed for the BYU football team during the opening or closing prayer.
IN THE LDS CHURCH
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Once a year, members of the LDS church
(ah-hem, mostly men)
try to recreate a moment from the Book of Mormon:
The Nephite/Lamanite rivalry.
During this dispensation of time, the battle is known as:
THE BYU/UofU FOOTBALL GAME!!!
And it came to pass that, this year again, nearly all of the campus, as well as the entire city of Provo, was shrink-wrapped to avoid any possibility of vandalism—another tactic used by these secret combination wannabees.
Inside the stadium, the fans go crazy. Even though most of them are LDS, you wouldn't know it by watching 'em. For a day, these fans make the people in the great and spacious building, or soccer fans, look like model citizens as the two sides point and jeer and yell and scream at each other (no profanities, and it is mostly popcorn and Tic Tacs that are thrown). If there is anything virtuous, lovely or praiseworthy, it is not going to be found in this arena -- where the two teams of stripling warriors fight to the death (while their mothers watch) to avoid letting a poor, little pig-skinned ball make it over the finish line. Boo-hoo.
And when it is all over…oh no…sorry…excuse me….it is never all over when it comes to this rivalry, because boys will be boys ... meaning, the next day, at church, these men of spiritually high places turn to complete clowns as they continue to fight for the team they support.
And the results are as follows:
(For those of you, around the world, who don’t know what happens after the phenomenon of a BYU/UofU football game, here are some of the follow-up statistics from yesterday’s game in which the U of U won, 41 to 34 in an Armageddon overtime--okay, maybe there is a bit (alot) of happyjellybean exaggeration influence here):
In at least 50 Wards in Salt Lake City, the Bishop wore a red (UofU) tie while, in Provo, at least 50 Bishops wore a blue (BYU) tie.
In at least 50 Elder’s Quorums, the Elder’s Quorum President wore a red sweater in Salt Lake City while, in Provo, at least 50 Elder’s Quorum Presidents wore a blue sweater.
In Murray, UT (this is true) one guy Murray, wears an entire two-piece red suit! And this is not a Santa suit! This is a four-buttoned cuff, flaming red suit.
In at least 1,000 wards all over the world, the BYU/UofU football game was referenced at some point during yesterday’s three-hour block, either during a talk in Sacrament meeting, during Sunday School, or Priesthood.
At least 30 LDS parents dressed their kids in either a BYU cheerleader or a U of U cheerleader outfit for the nursery -- pom-poms included.
In at least 200 Wards, 2,000 Primary kids yelled, “Go Utes,” or “Go BYU,” during Sharing Time.
In one Ward, in one Ward choir, while the closing hymn was being sung, one faithful saint on the back row of the choir (unbeknownst to the bishopric) held up a small sign that read, “The U of U is Number One!”
In another Ward, when the hymnbooks were opened, a post-it note was stuck to the opening song page that read, “BYU is Number One!”
In at least 27 Wards in the church, a few faces were still painted blue and white or red and white.
In at least 32 Wards in the church, there was still the faint color of red or blue in some of the LDS member’s hair.
In at least 5 Wards, a child gave a Primary talk about crossing the goal line of life, using the BYU/U of U football game as an example of what it takes to win.
In at least 102 Wards, 102 men were not able to attend church as a result of their team losing. :(
In at least 12 Wards, someone prayed for the BYU football team during the opening or closing prayer.
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