CHOIRLY BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN SONGS THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR CANNOT EVER SING!!!

Top Ten Songs the Mormon
Tabernacle Choir Cannot Ever Sing!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


1- 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
2 - All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight by Hank Williams Jr
3 - Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray by Patsy Cline
4 - Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk by Rufus Wainwright
5 - Puff the Magic Dragon
6 - Beat It
7 - Devil Went Down to Georgia
8 - Influenza by Ace Johnson
9 - My Time Ain’t Long by Annabelle Sanford
10 - Margaritaville

Undecided:
1 - We are the World
2 - Love Train
3 - Yellow Submarine

MUSICAL BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN QUESTIONS ON THE APPLICATION TO BE WARD CHORISTER

TOP TEN QUESTIONS ON
THE APPLICATION
TO BE WARD CHORISTER
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


1 - Type of wardrobe:
Clown
Old lady
Looking for a spousewear
High school teenager
Brittney Spears

2 - Type of glance:
Comforting
Validating
Authoritative
Killer (sing or else!)
I’d rather be anywhere else but here

3 - Type of smile:
Mannequin
Prozacial
Hitting on people
Sales

4 - Type of jewelry:
Jewelry for every holiday
Oversized
Undersized
Cheap
Cheap but looks expensive

5 - Type of wig:
Mile high
Cotton candy
Marge Simpson
Bouffant
Flat head
Wash ‘n wear

6 - Do you chew gum on Fast Sunday?

7 - Do you have false teeth?

8 - Do you chew gum with your false teeth?

9 – Type of nails?
Porcelain
Lee Press on
Guiness Book of World Record Length

10 - Have any of the following ever happened to you?
Fainted
Had a hole in the under arm of clothing
Phony nails fall off
Cry and can’t sing
Laugh and can’t sing
Accidentally poked self in eye
Lost beat of song and threw everybody off
Forgot words
Music stand fall over

If any of the above answers applied to you, congratulations, you are qualified to be the next Ward chorister.