With Thanksgiving Just Around the Corner …
If Mormons Had Their Say...
Foods That Will Be Eaten in Heaven:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Celestial Kingdom:
Meat: Beef
Potato: Funeral potatoes
Fruit: Grapes (hey, these are in the scriptures!)
Vegetable: Corn (Reference: Ears of corn mentioned in scriptures)
Drink: Sprite (sorry, Coke and Pepsi are not available here)
Candy: See’s chocolates, Snickers, m&m’s, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Hershey Bars, Life Savers, Tic Tacs
Other: Cheerios, Cheetos, Cheesecake, Kettle-corn popcorn
Terrestrial Kingdom:
Meat: Chicken
Potato: Mashed potatoes
Fruit: Apricots, dried fruit style (weren’t these in the scriptures too?)
Vegetable: Green Bean Casserole
Drink: Root Beer (Sorry, Coke and Pepsi are not available here either)
Candy: Werther’s caramels, Milky Way bars, Three Musketeers, Strawberry-flavored Mentos,
Other: Mega-butter popcorn, Fritos, Beef Jerky, Sunflower seeds
Telestial Kingdom:
Meat: Pork
Potato: Baked Potato French fries, potato chips, or Tator Tots
Fruit: Watermelon (How many of you want to go to the T-kingdom now, just because of this?)
Vegetable: Carrots, Broccoli, Peas,
Drink: Coke or Pepsi (Drink up!)
Candy: Big Hunks, Almond Joys, Mounds, Skittles
Outer Darkness:
Meat: Spam, Pig’s Feet, Hot Dogs, Liver
Potato: Mashed potatoes with the skins still on them
Drink: Ginger Ale or Egg Nog
Fruit: Lemon
Vegetable: Egg plant
Candy: Orange Sticks or Spudnut, Dots
Other foods: Rice patties
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
BREAKING NEWS: HAPPYJELLYBEANS CRACKS 10,000 HITS WITH LDS TELEVISION VIEWING HABITS
In honor of happyjellybeans going over the 10,000 mark, today a double posting will be made on happyjellybeans. CONGRATULATIONS EVERYONE AND THANK YOU!!!!
happyjellybeans was featured on the front page of the Close-up section of The Salt Lake Tribune on Friday, November 11, 2005. To see the story, just click on the following link:
http://sltrib.com/sandy/ci_3202625
THANK YOU ALL, AGAIN!!!
Where Do You Fit In?
Can Television Really Rate Where You Are in Your Eternal Progression?
Rate Yourself Now
on the LDS Sabbath Day Television Viewing Habits Scale:
Group Number One: NO TELEVISION WATCHING AT ALL – THE TELEVISION IS COOL TO THE TOUCH – NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT, MISSES IT OR IS EVEN TEMPTED TO GO NEAR IT:
Rating: 100 points.
Congratulate yourself. You are going to Heaven. And the best part of all, Geraldo Rivera will not be there to broadcast the news, nor will Donald Trump be there to bother us (oops, I mean you) with any of his stupid new, shows.
Group Number Two: TELEVISION VIEWING IS ACCEPTABLE, BUT ONLY CHURCH MOVIES, VIDEOS, CONFERENCE, TALKS, ETC.:
Rating: 98 points.
Congratulate yourself. You, too, will make it into Heaven. And you will be coveted by all of those people in Group One who actually thought their absolutely- no-television-watching-in-my-home habit would be a one-up on you.
Group Number Three: THE WATCHING OF LDS SHOW, PLUS OTHER RELIGIOUS SHOWS:
Rating: 70 points.
You still might be able to go to Heaven, but the jury is still not out on this one, even though you believe you will be going. Why? Because you believe that while you might be sinning in the eyes of Group Number One, your habit of watching such "Televangelist” shows as The Crystal Cathedral, are still of a religious nature.
Group Number Four: MEET THE PRESS:
50 points.
Uh oh, going to Heaven might be looking a little risky at this point. However, you believe that your loyalty to our country might save you and that it is our duty to be informed voters, concerned citizens and full-time supporters of the twelfth Article of Faith, even though you couldn't recite this article if your life depended on it.
Group Number Five: ESPN:
49 points.
While you’re not all-out watching total sports, you have really drifted away from Groups Number One – Three, even though you don't see any difference in watching Meet The Press or ESPN. So, as far as you’re concerned, where ever Group Number Four goes, you go.
Group Number Six: NFL FOOTBALL:
Now you’re talking! Oops, I mean, 40 points.
You have really drifted away from the island of television purity. Even though you’d like to justify your habits by saying you are supporting your priesthood brethren, this does not fly in the face of Group Number One. You might have to start doing your genealogy or be 100 percent in your home teaching to make up for this one.
Group Number Seven: COPS.
K, now, you are way out there. 0 points.
There is no way in Heaven that Heaven has a place for people who enjoy sitting in a chair, eating popcorn while watching the lowest forms of life being handcuffed and hauled off to jail (unless it's a former missionary compainion). You might have to agree to be the Ward Scoutmaster to make up for this one!
When it is all said and done, where does television fit into the big picture (no pun intended)? Only you can decide for yourself.
happyjellybeans was featured on the front page of the Close-up section of The Salt Lake Tribune on Friday, November 11, 2005. To see the story, just click on the following link:
http://sltrib.com/sandy/ci_3202625
THANK YOU ALL, AGAIN!!!
Where Do You Fit In?
Can Television Really Rate Where You Are in Your Eternal Progression?
Rate Yourself Now
on the LDS Sabbath Day Television Viewing Habits Scale:
Group Number One: NO TELEVISION WATCHING AT ALL – THE TELEVISION IS COOL TO THE TOUCH – NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT, MISSES IT OR IS EVEN TEMPTED TO GO NEAR IT:
Rating: 100 points.
Congratulate yourself. You are going to Heaven. And the best part of all, Geraldo Rivera will not be there to broadcast the news, nor will Donald Trump be there to bother us (oops, I mean you) with any of his stupid new, shows.
Group Number Two: TELEVISION VIEWING IS ACCEPTABLE, BUT ONLY CHURCH MOVIES, VIDEOS, CONFERENCE, TALKS, ETC.:
Rating: 98 points.
Congratulate yourself. You, too, will make it into Heaven. And you will be coveted by all of those people in Group One who actually thought their absolutely- no-television-watching-in-my-home habit would be a one-up on you.
Group Number Three: THE WATCHING OF LDS SHOW, PLUS OTHER RELIGIOUS SHOWS:
Rating: 70 points.
You still might be able to go to Heaven, but the jury is still not out on this one, even though you believe you will be going. Why? Because you believe that while you might be sinning in the eyes of Group Number One, your habit of watching such "Televangelist” shows as The Crystal Cathedral, are still of a religious nature.
Group Number Four: MEET THE PRESS:
50 points.
Uh oh, going to Heaven might be looking a little risky at this point. However, you believe that your loyalty to our country might save you and that it is our duty to be informed voters, concerned citizens and full-time supporters of the twelfth Article of Faith, even though you couldn't recite this article if your life depended on it.
Group Number Five: ESPN:
49 points.
While you’re not all-out watching total sports, you have really drifted away from Groups Number One – Three, even though you don't see any difference in watching Meet The Press or ESPN. So, as far as you’re concerned, where ever Group Number Four goes, you go.
Group Number Six: NFL FOOTBALL:
Now you’re talking! Oops, I mean, 40 points.
You have really drifted away from the island of television purity. Even though you’d like to justify your habits by saying you are supporting your priesthood brethren, this does not fly in the face of Group Number One. You might have to start doing your genealogy or be 100 percent in your home teaching to make up for this one.
Group Number Seven: COPS.
K, now, you are way out there. 0 points.
There is no way in Heaven that Heaven has a place for people who enjoy sitting in a chair, eating popcorn while watching the lowest forms of life being handcuffed and hauled off to jail (unless it's a former missionary compainion). You might have to agree to be the Ward Scoutmaster to make up for this one!
When it is all said and done, where does television fit into the big picture (no pun intended)? Only you can decide for yourself.
FAMILY HOME REELING BREAKING NEWS: OTHER FUN AND ENTERTAINING FAMILY HOME EVENING TOPICS
“OTHER” FUN AND ENTERTAINING FAMILY HOME EVENING TOPICS:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
What Do We Do With All of our Wayword Children?
What Are We REALLY Going to Do If The End of the World Comes?
All of the Reasons Why Caffeinated Coke/Pepsi is Okay to Drink
Best Restaurants to Dine at the Night Before Fast Sunday
Ten Best Tips on How To Stay Awake at Church
Ten Best Mood Disorder Therapists who Specialize in Helping Create Realistic Expectations for Our Sojourn Here on Earth
Best Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors Currently Available on the Market (Prozac, etc.)
Who Will Win the Super Bowl This Year?
Swearing is a Ten-Letter Word – Hardtostop
Tips on Quickest and Most Reverent Ways to Pick up Spilled Cheerios in the Chapel
Avoiding Injuries at Church
BYU or U. or U.? (Warning: This lesson may not be suitable for children under the age of ten)
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
What Do We Do With All of our Wayword Children?
What Are We REALLY Going to Do If The End of the World Comes?
All of the Reasons Why Caffeinated Coke/Pepsi is Okay to Drink
Best Restaurants to Dine at the Night Before Fast Sunday
Ten Best Tips on How To Stay Awake at Church
Ten Best Mood Disorder Therapists who Specialize in Helping Create Realistic Expectations for Our Sojourn Here on Earth
Best Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors Currently Available on the Market (Prozac, etc.)
Who Will Win the Super Bowl This Year?
Swearing is a Ten-Letter Word – Hardtostop
Tips on Quickest and Most Reverent Ways to Pick up Spilled Cheerios in the Chapel
Avoiding Injuries at Church
BYU or U. or U.? (Warning: This lesson may not be suitable for children under the age of ten)
Monday, November 14, 2005
MREAKING MEWS: MORE MIPPETS FROM MEBSTER'S MICTIONARY
MORE MIPPETS
(What's a mippet? A Mormon "Snippet")
FROM MEBSTER'S MICTIONARY!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Schnodder; Pronoun; Official name of the person who sits on the front row in Sunday School Class and nods his or her head in response to every profound comment made by either the teacher or another Ward member. “If that schnodder has to keep nodding her head, that’s fine, but, why can’t she sit on the back row?!!”
Grrervice Project; Noun; Any Ward service project that creates a hardship; a service project no one want so attend; to attend a service project begrudgingly; a state of mind passed down from Lamen and Lemeuel. “Every year, we have to have the same Grrervice Project. Again, this year we have to pull all those darn weeds growing in the front of the Ward building!!!”
Junkorage; Noun; a form of food storage. Stored food that will never be eaten. Husband trying to find a place to park his car in the garage: “And exactly what do you suggest we do with all of this junkorage?”
Shayer; Noun; A short prayer. “I’m tired tonight, so I think I’ll just say a shayer.”
Shriptures; Noun; To spend only a few brief moment reading the scriptures. “I’m so tired tonight that, after my shayer, I am going to read my shriptures.”
Watasting; Noun; A fast that includes drinking water. “I was going to do a full fast, but my throat got so dry that I thought I would die. And besides, I saw Brother Thompson do that last month and he was never struck by lightening.”
Sacripew; Verb; One of the most difficult things for a Latter-day Saint to do; To give up one’s lifelong seat in the chapel; to sacripew. “Oh man, I was late for church last Sunday and I had to sacripew. I thought I wouldn't live!!!”
Big Mish; Noun; Mormon big fish stories; “When I was on my mission, while I was serving as an Assistant to the President, my companion and I walked to Rome and we almost baptized the Pope!!!"
Retailation; Noun; Revelation that comes over which purchase to make in a retail outlet store. Knowing, for sure, you have bought the right product. “I knew when I found the missing pillow to that couch that Heaven had saved that couch just for me!”
(What's a mippet? A Mormon "Snippet")
FROM MEBSTER'S MICTIONARY!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Schnodder; Pronoun; Official name of the person who sits on the front row in Sunday School Class and nods his or her head in response to every profound comment made by either the teacher or another Ward member. “If that schnodder has to keep nodding her head, that’s fine, but, why can’t she sit on the back row?!!”
Grrervice Project; Noun; Any Ward service project that creates a hardship; a service project no one want so attend; to attend a service project begrudgingly; a state of mind passed down from Lamen and Lemeuel. “Every year, we have to have the same Grrervice Project. Again, this year we have to pull all those darn weeds growing in the front of the Ward building!!!”
Junkorage; Noun; a form of food storage. Stored food that will never be eaten. Husband trying to find a place to park his car in the garage: “And exactly what do you suggest we do with all of this junkorage?”
Shayer; Noun; A short prayer. “I’m tired tonight, so I think I’ll just say a shayer.”
Shriptures; Noun; To spend only a few brief moment reading the scriptures. “I’m so tired tonight that, after my shayer, I am going to read my shriptures.”
Watasting; Noun; A fast that includes drinking water. “I was going to do a full fast, but my throat got so dry that I thought I would die. And besides, I saw Brother Thompson do that last month and he was never struck by lightening.”
Sacripew; Verb; One of the most difficult things for a Latter-day Saint to do; To give up one’s lifelong seat in the chapel; to sacripew. “Oh man, I was late for church last Sunday and I had to sacripew. I thought I wouldn't live!!!”
Big Mish; Noun; Mormon big fish stories; “When I was on my mission, while I was serving as an Assistant to the President, my companion and I walked to Rome and we almost baptized the Pope!!!"
Retailation; Noun; Revelation that comes over which purchase to make in a retail outlet store. Knowing, for sure, you have bought the right product. “I knew when I found the missing pillow to that couch that Heaven had saved that couch just for me!”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)