DEAR JOHN BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN WORST INTRODUCTIONS IN A LDS DEAR JOHN LETTER

Top Ten Worst Introductions
in a LDS Dear John Letter
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 – “You know how your brother and I
were always so close? Well…”
2 - “I liked you, so much, when I was LDS,
but now that I’m Catholic…”
3 – “I thought the sacrifice of waiting for you
for two years would be worth it, but…”
4 – “Last night, while I was praying
as to what I should do between you and Mark,
well I got this feeling that Mark and I…”
5 – Remember how you always said,
“If I can’t wait for you, just let me know? Well...”
6 – “I know your mother was just diagnosed
with cancer and that your dad recently died of a heart attack, but nothing is harder than me
having to write this letter to tell you…”
7 – “This hurts me more than it hurts you, but…”
8 – “Even though I have chosen not to wait for you any longer, I hope you’ll keep looking at the bright side.”
9 – “Because I feel you are so much more righteous than me, I feel there is no other choice other than to let you go…”
10 – Even though I have decided not to wait for you any longer, I just wanted to remind you about my younger
sister, Hilary. She has become really pretty
these past two years and, at age 16, she has just started
dating and is close enough to your age that I was thinking …”

MISSIONARY BREAKING NEWS

TOP TEN MISSIONS EVERY MISSIONARY
FEELS HE OR SHE SHOULD TRULY BE CALLED TO:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 - Adamondiamon

2 - The Vatican

3 - The first mission to the Moon

4 - To lie on the sidewalk in Israel for three days

5 - Hawaii or Fiji or Cancun or Cabo San Lucas or Club Med

6 - To teach Mel Gibson

7 - Salt Lake City

8 - To be one of the three Nephites

9 - Hollywood

10 - To just stay home

PRESIDENTIAL BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN CHANGES IN AMERICA IF MITT ROMNEY BECOMES PRESIDENT

TOP TEN CHANGES IN AMERICA
IF MITT ROMNEY
BECOMES PRESIDENT
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 -

Corn will be pronounced carn

2 -

All cabinet meetings will begin with

"The Hello Song."

3 -

The letter "T" will be dropped from

the English alphabet ( moun-ains, ki-ens, shu-up)

4 -

The announced will be made that

fry sauce is the offical American condiment.

5 -

If a cabinet member cannot make a cabinet meeting,

he or she will need to get a substitute.

6 -

Funeral potatoes and green Jell-o salad

will be served at the White House.

7 -

The colors of the flag will be changed

to red, yellow and blue.

8 -

Refreshments will be served

after all cabinet meetings.

9 -

All state departments will use more visual aids.

10-

A war will break out to finally settle the battle:

Coke or Pepsi.