Top Ten LDS Swear Words
and Their Moment of Usage:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 - Frickin’: “I didn’t frickin’ foul that guy! He was the one who was all over me!”
2 – Dang: “And then this dang car comes right up and pretty near rear ends me!”
3 – Darn: “That darn food storage is piling up all over out there in that darn garage!”
4 – Fetch: “Fetch, that hurt! Geez, what'd you do that for?”
5 – Geez: Refer to the above.
6 – Sheesh: “Sheesh, what’s it gonna take to get you to get the message? I'm not going to marry you!”
7 – Bleeoch: “That girl is one heckofa bleeoch, and I don't care if she is my next door neighbor!”
8 - H-E-double hockey sticks: “If you aren’t obedient, you know where you’re going to go? You are goin' right to h-e-double hockey sticks!”
9 – Heck-if-I: “Heck-if-I know where your scriptures are. You’re the one who lost them!”
10 – Lousey, good for nothin’: “That kids is a good-for-nothin- piece of crap.” (Shhh… LDS people do not think crap is not a swear word.)

Top Ten Signs
You Cannot Call Yourself
a Regular Scripture Reader:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 – You cannot call yourself a regular scripture reader if the only scripture reading you do is listen to the scriptures on tape while doing other things, like watching television or sleeping.

2 – You cannot call yourself a regular scripture reader if the only scripture reading you do is when you glance over at your neighbor’s scriptures each week in Sunday School class.

3 – You cannot call yourself a regular scripture reader if the only scripture reading you do is reading the scriptures found on the marquis’s of other churches.

4 – You cannot call yourself a regular scripture reader if the only scriptures you read are those found on car bumper stickers.

5. You cannot call yourself a regular scripture reader if the only scriptures you read is the John 3:16 sign that’s held up at all national sporting events.

6 – You cannot call yourself a regular scripture reader if your only claim to being a regular scripture reader is the fact that you’ve memorized the scripture, “Jesus wept.”

7 – You cannot call yourself a regular scripture reader if you have no idea where your scriptures are.

8 – You cannot call yourself a regular scripture reader if you’ve set a goal to read the scriptures and almost read them once.

9 - You cannot call yourself a regular scripture reader if the only scripture reading you do is to look at them, once a day, sitting on your bookshelf.

10 - You cannot call yourself a regular scripture reader if you think about reading them every day, but never do.