FERFUN BREAKING NEWS: COMMENTS FROM UTAH MORMONS

Comments From Utah Mormons:
(Bettyanne Bruin)

Beshurin dewyer geneeolugy… ‘cuz if you don’t, someone’s gunna gi-chew!

Why eet peetza with a knife and a fark when you can hold it with yer hands?

My cah had some ki-ens lass ni. They’re sacute and ferry.

I’ll tell ya su-uh…them mou-ains sure are perdy!

Wudderyermean that vaccum don’t work? I just fixed it yestirdee.

The cap’n is sewfun. There aren’t many cap’ns like our cap’n.

I dunno nuthin’ never, not nowhere, now nohow!

GRRR BREAKING NEWS: QUESTIONS LDS PEOPLE GET TIRED OF BEING ASKED

Questions LDS People Get Tired of Being Asked
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

Do you have more than one wife? Geez, what would it be like to have more than one wife? Keeping them happy would be harder than surviving a fall off a skyscraper! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I know you can’t drink beer, but can you drink root BEER? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Is it hard to baptize dead people? What’s the hardest part? Getting them to say, “Thank you?” Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I heard you can’t chew gum or dance? How come Donny and Marie can dance and chew gum and you can’t? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

If I pay someone, will they let me go in the temple? How about if I give them my Mastercard or Visa instead? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

In order to be a Mormon, do you HAVE to be a republican? Can you be a democrat or a libertarian or does everyone have to vote for the same person? If Arnold Schwatzenager ran for President, would everyone HAVE to vote for him? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Do you grow all your own food and make all your meals from scratch? I’d rather slit my wrists than do that! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

A long time ago, I heard two guys ate each other high on a mountain top. Who ate who first? Ha, ha, ha, ha.