(By Bettyanne Bruin)
With a membership that has grown to over eleven million, finally the time has come for the LDS people to rise up and declare their own holidays:
National Primary Treat Day:
Day for honoring the Primary of the LDS church as the number one leader in providing world-wide economic stability within the sugar industry -- for continuing to provide people with millions of jobs annually.
National Food Storage Day:
National Food Storage Day:
Day for honoring some of the worst-tasting food ever invented by people who knew nothing about cooking, but which the LDS people continue to store year after year after year, in case there is a world-wide tragedy, after which they believe people might possibly kill to eat this stuff.
National Basketball Referee Day:
National Basketball Referee Day:
Day in which members of the LDS church honor their referees for their heroism shown during LDS basketball games. For their bravery, courage, heroism and fortitude in recovering from all of the many injuries suffered as a result of VOLUNTEERING to referee an LDS basketball game -- including blows to the head, having folding chairs thrown at them, being dragged across the basketball floor, having their arms, legs and fingers broken, and/or having whistles jammed down their throats, etc.
National Home Teaching Day:
National Home Teaching Day:
An annual event in which male members of the LDS church -- after putting this duty off for eleven full months -- finally break down and visit their assigned families.
National Relief Society Casserole Dish Day
National Relief Society Casserole Dish Day
To honor all casseroles invented by the Relief Society of the LDS church in response to requests to feed the ill. This day is honored by sisters returning all of the casserole dishes that have stacked up on their kitchen counter to one another or to their favorite charity.
National Scrapbook Day
National Scrapbook Day
A day for honoring one of America’s biggest unknown addictions. Must be honored for what this is, ‘cause if someone offends these woman, WATCH OUT -- they’re going to pay big time!
National Personal History Day
National Personal History Day
Annual recognition of all those hours spent recording ancestoral births and deaths, followed by personal “big fish” stories about how hard and impossible life has been and how all of their descendants better appreciate the minute by minute sacrifices and hardships made by the particular personal history author.
