YULETIDE BREAKING NEWS: LDS CHRISTMAS SPECIALS

LDS CHRISTMAS SPECIALS
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


Billy, the Red-nosed Nursery Kid

A Christmas Story About Why I Was Unable to Spend the Holidays With My Family in Florida Because I Couldn't Find a Substitute for My Class

I’m Dreaming of a Red and Green Jell-o Christmas

It’s a Wonderful Life on Prozac

Christmas Vacation with the Steed Family

The Grinch Who Keeps Stealing Church Magazines out of the Library Needs to Bring Them Back!

Home for the Holidays Instead of Doing My Home Teaching

A Genealogy Christmas Carol With All of Your Long, Lost Relatives -- Past, Present and Future

A Very Brady Christmas and Other Polygamist Hairstyles

The Bishop’s Wife Sits Alone Every Sunday at Church

Miracle on 34th Street That No One Ever Gets Ticketed on Their Way to Church

The Nutcracker, Nuts and Other Food Storage Items No Food Storage Should Be Without

The Polar Bear High Priest Who Took So Long to Express His Opinion in Sunday School Class That Eventually Everyone Left To Go To Their Next Meeting

CAROLING BREAKING NEWS: LDS CHRISTMAS CAROLS

LDS CHRISTMAS CAROLS
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


DECK THE HALLS

Deck the cultural hall with pows and vollies,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
‘Tis the season for shucks and gollies,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our sports apparel,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Getting’ ready for some church ball peril,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing bro’s before us,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Strike the ref and join the ruckus.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the Ward’s sportsmanship treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Go up in smoke for one team’s measure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fast forward to more shots and passes,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Hail there’s a new ref, lads and lasses,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

But this one’s not like all the others
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
This one’s one of the player’s mothers!
Fa la la la la, la la la la.


FAMILY HOME EVENING'S COMIN' TONIGHT

You better get scared, you better toughen up,
Better be prepared about gettin’ roughed up,
’cause Family Home Evening’s comin’ tonight.

A list is being made about this and that;
Complaints about the fam all the way down to the cat
’cause Family Home Evening’s comin’ tonight.

You better get scared, you better toughen up,
Better be prepared about gettin’ roughed up,
’cause Family Home Evening’s coming tonight.

We know we're supposed to give,
We know we're supposed to take,
But it’s not about all of this,
It’s Family Home Evening for goodness sake!

Oh, you better get scared, you better toughen up
Better be prepared about gettin’ roughed up
’cause Family Home Evening’s coming tonight!