Lent Breaking News: Top Ten Things LDS People Should Give Up for Lent, but Absolutely Cannot

Top Ten Things LDS People Should
Give Up for Lent, but Absolutely Cannot:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 – Watching television on Sunday.
2 – All chocolate and/or caffeine products. For that matter, all sugar products.
3 – Not answering the phone when a Bishopric member calls during a time when an undesirable calling is available.
4 – Avoiding the Ward Genealogy Specialist.
5 – Avoiding walking anywhere near a Primary room.
6 – Going overtime on a talk or lesson.
7 – Cheating on Fast Sunday.
8 – Shopping on Sunday.
9 – Funeral Potatoes.
10 – Preparing their lesson while teaching their lesson.

FAT TUESDAY BREAKING NEWS: LDS VERSIONS OF FAT TUESDAY (MARDI GRAS)

LDS VERSIONS OF FAT TUESDAY (MARDI GRAS)
(By Bettyanne Bruin)



1 - Flat Tuesday: The day before Lent where all women in the LDS church wear their hair flat with no hairspray, then gather at their Ward building and spend hours trying to figure out who each other is.

2 - Brat Tuesday: The day before Lent where all irreverent LDS children get whatever they want, also known in the LDS church as Sharing Time.

3 - Hat Tuesday: The day before Lent where members of the LDS church finally convince all toupee-adorned LDS men to take off their toupee and wear a hat, while LDS members do whatever it takes to destroy the toupee, only to find out the next Sunday that their efforts were fruitless.

4 - Pat Tuesday: The day before Lent where members of the LDS church finally celebrate (instead feeling guilty like every other day of the year) that maybe they really do have everything down pat, from doing their genealogy to food storage to understanding the Book of Isaiah. This is usually one of the happiest days of the year for LDS people, except for LDS martyrs.

5 - Mat Tuesday: The day before Lent where all LDS people celebrate the importance of making sure a mat or any other type of decorated material is carefully placed under a flower-filled vase on a classroom table for any Sunday lesson.

6 - Rat Tuesday: The day before Lent where all LDS people get to rat about what’s really bothering them, from political issues to poorly prepared food – usually this celebration spills out into every day of the year.
7 - Cat Tuesday: The day before Lent where a LDS person can choose to believe he or she really is a cool cat. Warning: This day usually runs out quick because, before too long, the LDS person is back to eating stuff like green Jell-o, fry sauce and funeral potatoes, wearing big hair, clothes that fit too tight, listening to the oldies station and once again realizes that he or she really is a big geek.

8 – Sat. Tuesday: The day before Lent where all LDS people completely saturate themselves with any and all caffeine products.

9 - Bat Tuesday: The day before Lent where all LDS people go to bat for the church by arguing with anyone who comes their way -- usually happens wherever LDS pageants are performed.

10 – Chat Tuesday: The day before Lent where people in the LDS church gather at the Ward building to spend all day chatting as if it was Sunday.