BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!!
“OTHER” SIGNS OF THE TIMES!!!
FINALLY UNCOVERED!!!!
1. The CTR ring will be changed from the CTR ring to the CTPCTTDBIYDTACLUWCAY ring (or, in other words, the Choose The Politically Correct Thing To Do Or The A.C.L.U. Will Come After You ring).
2. Rivers, lakes and streams will flow with rich milk chocolate, but it will be totally nonconsumable because of contamination from totally radio-active hazardous waste material.
3. BYU will be renamed The U. of U. and The U. of U. will renamed BYU.
4. A ninth verse will be added to “A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief.”
5. The fiftieth volume of The Work and the Glory will be published.
6. Popcorn will pop from the apricot trees.
7. So many members of the church will want to work in the nursery that a waiting list program will be initiated.
8. The country of Iraq will lead the world in scrap-booking.
9. The ten tribes of Israel will compete against each other in the Olympics.
10. One hundred percent home teaching will prevail upon the Earth.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
EVOLUTIONARY BREAKING NEWS: What Really Happens to a LDS Family While Watching General Conference!!!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENS TO A LDS FAMILY WHILE WATCHING GENERAL CONFERENCE:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1. A family humbly gathers. Father gleefully turns on television while Mother tenderly quiets the children. Two teenagers patiently sit on the couch.
2. Conference begins. Everyone in the room listens as all of the saints of the LDS Church are welcomed to another wonderful and glorious session of conference.
3. Mother and Father enthusiastically sing the opening song while the children begin to ask when they can have their first treat. One teenager kicks one of the children to silence the child while the other teenager kicks the teenager just because.
4. The first talk begins. Father dozes while Mother attentively takes notes. Intense squabbling begins amongst all of the children as they become equally irritating to each other. Mother turns up the television volume, to which Father wakes up unhappy, forgetting that Conference is even on.
5. Father reprimands one of the teenager’s who is now unraveling a crocheted afghan, made by Father’s Grandmother. The children cry so loud for treats that Mother can no longer take notes.
6. Meanwhile, the Conference speaker speaks about love in the home, but no one hears the speaker because of so many disractions.
7. This process repeats itself four or five times within a two-hour time frame.
8. And then Conference is over.
9. The family waits for the next session to begin.
10. A family humbly gathers. Father gleefully turns on television while Mother tenderly quiets the children. Two teenagers patiently sit on the couch...
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1. A family humbly gathers. Father gleefully turns on television while Mother tenderly quiets the children. Two teenagers patiently sit on the couch.
2. Conference begins. Everyone in the room listens as all of the saints of the LDS Church are welcomed to another wonderful and glorious session of conference.
3. Mother and Father enthusiastically sing the opening song while the children begin to ask when they can have their first treat. One teenager kicks one of the children to silence the child while the other teenager kicks the teenager just because.
4. The first talk begins. Father dozes while Mother attentively takes notes. Intense squabbling begins amongst all of the children as they become equally irritating to each other. Mother turns up the television volume, to which Father wakes up unhappy, forgetting that Conference is even on.
5. Father reprimands one of the teenager’s who is now unraveling a crocheted afghan, made by Father’s Grandmother. The children cry so loud for treats that Mother can no longer take notes.
6. Meanwhile, the Conference speaker speaks about love in the home, but no one hears the speaker because of so many disractions.
7. This process repeats itself four or five times within a two-hour time frame.
8. And then Conference is over.
9. The family waits for the next session to begin.
10. A family humbly gathers. Father gleefully turns on television while Mother tenderly quiets the children. Two teenagers patiently sit on the couch...
Monday, March 28, 2005
5 MORE DAYS BREAKING NEWS: CONFERENCE WEEKEND IS FINALLY HERE!!!
Yipee! General Conference Weekend is Almost Here!!!
And what Do We Like Most about General Conference Weekend?
1- We get to listen to all of the General Authorities speak!
2 – We get to watch church in our pajamas!
3- We do not have to prepare a lesson!
4- We can finally sleep laying down!
5 – We can flip back and forth between church talks and exciting sporting events!
6 – We can listen to the church talks on headphones while cleaning out the garage or closets!
7 – We can verbalize how we feel about the talks as we listen to them!
8 – We can visit on the phone with old friends and acquaintances while listening to General Conference!
9 – We can play Bingo with the General Authorities, crossing out the name of each one as they speak!
10 – We can go on a two-day vacation and read about General Conference later in the Ensign!
And what Do We Like Most about General Conference Weekend?
1- We get to listen to all of the General Authorities speak!
2 – We get to watch church in our pajamas!
3- We do not have to prepare a lesson!
4- We can finally sleep laying down!
5 – We can flip back and forth between church talks and exciting sporting events!
6 – We can listen to the church talks on headphones while cleaning out the garage or closets!
7 – We can verbalize how we feel about the talks as we listen to them!
8 – We can visit on the phone with old friends and acquaintances while listening to General Conference!
9 – We can play Bingo with the General Authorities, crossing out the name of each one as they speak!
10 – We can go on a two-day vacation and read about General Conference later in the Ensign!
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