"Hey, Mom, just wanted you to know, Celia (first fake name that came to mind) and I will be speaking in church on Sunday."
He was kind of non-plussed, and a bit obligatory in his ever dutiful way, which was awesome.
Me: "Oh wow. For sure, we'll be there... and we'll watch the kids."
Him: "Thanks, Mom. That's be great. See you then.
My husband and I show up for church. The two kids (blondest ones in the ward and possibly the world) were sitting on the bench about six rows back. Perfect. I brought bribery/incentives for them to help us all get through the meeting.
Time comes for my son to speak (his wife gave a great talk, btw).
Son: 5'11", brown hair slightly thinning (he'll be 40 this year), FULL beard that resembles what I knew as a kid to be a full beehive. Sweet smile. Such a good kid. Sparkling eyes. Smart. Perfect. Okay, back to the story:
He begins: "So my talk today is on "Be of Good Cheer." He looks at everyone and smiles. "Let me tell you, when it comes to "Be of Good Cheer," there is no one more cheerful than my own mother."
Me, in my head: WHOA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OMG, HE THINKS I'M WONDERFUL! I felt like I had just won the Eternal Family lottery. Not only had I been a good mother, possibly I had been the best mother the world had ever known! For all the work I had done, raising seven kids, this was the number one, single, most rewarding moment of my life. I was so touched. I had to wipe tears from my eyes as he continued.
Him: He nodded his head as if continuing to agree with his comment. "Yep, she is. My mom is so OF good cheer."
And then, I don't know what happened. It was like he suddenly had a stroke:
Him: "Yeah." You could see the wheels still spinning in his head. "When my parents went through their divorce, one night, just as the cops arrested my mom and put her in handcuffs and went to haul her off to the police station, she looked around at all of us, laughed and said, "Take a picture!"
I about pooped my pants! THAT NEVER HAPPENED. But, in sacrament meeting, there's no three-second pause, there's no take-backs. It's "out there" "in the universe", never to be grabbed up or erased again! Mormon fact now was, I had been arrested AND I had laughed as they hauled me off to whereever they were going to take me had I really been arrested!!!!
Well, at least the chapel was reverent. Dead reverent. I felt all eyes staring at me...as I held one of the two most blondest kids in the world, trying to act like I was invisible. Never had I felt so...large.
My son went on with his talk, while the Bishop kept an eye on me and, after the meeting was over, everyone walked by me, except one lady who tapped my shoulder, laughed and said, "Don't worry, honey. I was arrested once too!" No offense to her, I was glad she was back in the church, but let's just say she looked like she had led one tough life.
No, I never said a word to my son. I couldn't. What were we going to do? Argue? Truth IS truth AND perception IS also perception. HOWEVER, about a year ago, I decided to slide it into one of our conversations since his comment had been on my mind every single second since first mentioned. When I felt the time was right, I merely said something about a comment I may have heard in church, but, then again, I may not have heard right, about me being arrested and the fact that I never had been arrested. My son, like I knew, looked at me, laughed and said, "Oh mom. Don't worry. It just slipped out and I forgot to say just kidding."
I hope The Book of Life records everything the right way or I'm in big trouble!
