TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT BEING ABLE
TO SUBSTITUTE IN THE NURSERY:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Sorry, but I have a bad back and I'm not supposed to pick up any children.
2 – Sorry, but I have a contagious disease and I don’t want to get any of the children sick.
3 – Sorry, but I’ll be on vacation (a vacation that was just planned).
4 – Sorry but I won’t be attending church that Sunday (a decision that was just made).
5 – I never had any kids of my own, why would I want to take care of everyone else’s?
6 – I;ve had twelve kids of my own, why would I want to take care of everyone else’s?
7 – Sorry, but I go to church to receive inspiration and the nursery is just not inspired.
8 – Sorry, but I get sick at the sight of snot.
9 – Sorry, but I’m afraid I might be a child abuser and I wouldn’t want to put any of the children’s physical safety in danger.
10 – Sorry, but I suffer from kleptomania and I cannot put myself in a position where I might steal the children’s toys or food or any of their other belongings.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
ELDERLY BREAKING NEWS: TEN SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE TOO OLD TO SERVE A MISSION
Top Ten Signs You Might Be Too Old
To Serve a Mission
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - When you say to someone, “I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, would you like to know more?” they tell you to quit yelling at them.
2 - You tell the lady at the door what a nice dog she’s holding and she says, “This isn’t a dog, this is my baby!”
3 - When an investigator gives you a treat, you take out your teeth so you can chew it better.
4 - While putting on your lipstick, you see a bumper sticker that says, "God created a few perfect heads and the rest He gave hair," and it reminds you to put on your wig.
5 - When you hear the mission rule is to be in bed by 10:00 p.m., you can’t believe it -- that’s four hours past your bedtime!
6 - Your idea of tracting is making it from your bedroom to the bathroom.
7 – While other missionaries are going crazy ‘cause they forgot their scriptures, you’re going crazy ‘cause you forgot your glasses.
8 – While other missionaries are receiving Dear Johns from their friends, you’re receiving obituary notices of your friends.
9 – To you “the gray area of the Gospel” refers to your friends in the High Priests Quorum.
10 – Teaching about not being able to remember anything that happened before this life seems trivial compared to not being able to remember anything that happened before this visit.
To Serve a Mission
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - When you say to someone, “I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, would you like to know more?” they tell you to quit yelling at them.
2 - You tell the lady at the door what a nice dog she’s holding and she says, “This isn’t a dog, this is my baby!”
3 - When an investigator gives you a treat, you take out your teeth so you can chew it better.
4 - While putting on your lipstick, you see a bumper sticker that says, "God created a few perfect heads and the rest He gave hair," and it reminds you to put on your wig.
5 - When you hear the mission rule is to be in bed by 10:00 p.m., you can’t believe it -- that’s four hours past your bedtime!
6 - Your idea of tracting is making it from your bedroom to the bathroom.
7 – While other missionaries are going crazy ‘cause they forgot their scriptures, you’re going crazy ‘cause you forgot your glasses.
8 – While other missionaries are receiving Dear Johns from their friends, you’re receiving obituary notices of your friends.
9 – To you “the gray area of the Gospel” refers to your friends in the High Priests Quorum.
10 – Teaching about not being able to remember anything that happened before this life seems trivial compared to not being able to remember anything that happened before this visit.
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