JUST IN TIME FOR SUNDAY BREAKING NEWS: HURRY: LAST MINUTE IDEAS FOR TEACHING SUNDAY SCHOOL

HURRY: LAST MINUTE IDEAS FOR TEACHING SUNDAY SCHOOL:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

First: Read the lesson manual carefully, prayerfully consider the contents and teach the class accordingly.

Second: Re-teach a lesson you gave thirty years ago when the Brady Bunch were in.

Third: Read an article from the Ensign and try to “humbly” summarize its message.

Fourth: Invite a visitor to come in and speak, impromptu, about a certain Gospel subject -- usually a good friend, neighbor, spouse or a child -- preferably someone who's Mormon.

Fifth: Do a Google search on "Successful LDS Sunday School Lessons" on the internet and find something that has worked in other Wards.

Sixth: Tell the class that today is discussion day, toss out a topic and pray it doesn’t lead to an apostate subject.

Seventh: Tell a class member that you suddenly feel inspired to have him or her teach your class.

Eighth: Write the missionaries.

Ninth: Play hang man over and over and over again, avoiding, for as long as you can, the raised hand of the person who knows the answer.

Tenth: If all else fails... call in with a sudden emergency.

'TIS THE SEASON BREAKING NEWS: THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF CANNING

The Do’s and Don’ts of Canning:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

Dedicated to Grandma Randy


Do can peaches.
Do not can hot dogs.

Do eat the food you can.
Do not eat the food you can if the food was canned by your great, great grandmother.


Do save the jars to be reused.
Do not save the lids, unless the Relief Society has figured out a way to use them in an inexpensive Christmas wreath.

Do use jars for other things like making dry, stackable soup or cookie ingredients that can be given to neighbors, and never used, for Christmas or for storing nails, tacks and other things in the garage.
Do not use jars as bowling pins.

Do use the jar rings for beautiful Christmas ornaments to adorn your Christmas tree or to cut dough to make doughnuts.
Do not use the jar rings for earrings, no matter how much the Relief Society tells you how they are the most current fad.

Do use the jar lifter to lift jars from cooker.
Do not use the jar lifter as a back scratcher in front of house guests.

Do use the jar cooker to boils jars of fruit.
Do not use the jar cooker to bathe the family pet.

BREAKING NEWS IN DA HOOD: PRIMARY SONGS REMIXED

TITLES OF PRIMARY SONGS REMIXED:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

D'em Bling, Bling Corelle’s That Yo Mama Gives You Supper On

I’z Be Crossin’ My Fingers Dat Someday I’z Goes Tryin’ To Gets People To Agree To Be Dunked In D’em Waters

Look at All D'em Kernels Goin' To Town on Dat Piece of Fruit Bearin' Nature

All D’em Shorties In De’m Tied-Under-the-Chin Hoods Dropped De’m Rhymes As D’ey Footed D’ere Way Across D’em Mountains

I Be From Da Man Above

Wha’s Up, Hey Dawg

BREAKING NEWS: HAPPYJELLYBEANS IS BACK WITH THREE BRAND NEW, YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS, LDS CRAZY THOUGHTS!!!!

HAPPYJELLYBEANS IS BACK!!!!

AND JUST WHERE WAS HJB? HJB WENT ON VACATION!!!
WISH YOU COULD'VE ALL BEEN THERE!!!!
BUT, WHILE ON VACATION, HAPPYJELLYBEANS NOTICED/THOUGHT OF/DILLUSIONED THE FOLLOWING:

(Now, don't go gettin' all ADHD on me. I've actually included TWO LDS thoughts for the day, to make up for my neglect: LDS Pronounced vs. English Pronounced Words and Things You'll Only Ever Find at a BYU Football Game)
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

WHAT IS THE PROPER SPELLING OF THE FOLLOWING LDS-PRONOUNCED WORDS?
(Example sentences used, for your convenience.)

Ki-en: "Hey, leave that ki-en alone. It's having ki-ens."
Shu-up: "No, you shu-up!"
Bu-on: "Oh no, I lost my bu-on."
Moun-ain: "Oh, wow, look at them pretty moun-ains."
Lay-on: "I live in Lay-on."
Mi-ens: "It's cold out. I think I'll put on my mi-ens."
Cur-ains: "Those cur-ains are filthy."
Fla-ened: "Now look. My bread is all fla-aned."
Go-en: "I should have go-en up at 8, but I slept in."
Hi-in’: "Quit hi-in' your sister!"
Ge-in’: "I should be ge-in' home, how 'bout you?"
Le-in’: "I keep le-in' the dog in and now Mom's mad at me."
Nu-in’: "I'm not doin' nu-in'. Why? Wanna do some-hin?
Pu-in’: "I keep pu-in' salt in my cereal instead of sugar."

THINGS YOU'LL ONLY EVER SEE
AT A BYU FOOTBALL GAME:

Fresh, homemade scones
Popcorn
Fans drinking milk
10,000 female fans wearing engagement rings
10,000 men yelling, "Shoot," each time a player fumbles the ball
Fans doing their home/visiting teaching during half-time
21,998 smiling faces
A "wave" that lasts nearly a full quarter
Pinkie CTR rings instead of pinkie football rings
Fully clothed cheerleaders