Thursday, February 09, 2006

GARDEN OF EDEN BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS ADAM AND EVE MAY HAVE SAID TO EACH OTHER HAD THEY BEEN MEMBERS OF THE LDS CHURCH

TOP TEN THINGS ADAM AND EVE
MAY HAVE SAID TO EACH OTHER
HAD THEY BEEN MEMBERS OF
THE LATTER-DAY SAINT CHURCH:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


1 - “Eve, you ate one of those apples? Dang!”

2 - “Adam, I thought for Family Home Evening tonight, we’d talk about being tempted to partake of the tree of life.”

3 - “But, Eve, we don’t have to do our genealogy because we don’t have any ancestors!”

4 - “Adam, I’m going over to the church now to drop off my Fig Funeral Casserole.”

5 - “Does tithing mean giving 1/10th of our fig leaf to the church too?”

6 - “Adam, look what we made at Enrichment Night tonight: We made couch pillows out of coats of skin. Aren’t they cute?”

7 – “Adam, do you know when the next D.I. drive is? I have a ton of stuff I need to get rid of.”

8 – “Eve, I’m going over to the church now to help the Ward clean-up all of those thorns and thistles.”

9 – “Eve, now that I’ve been kicked out of the garden, what will happen to me if I don’t hearken unto you any more?”

10 – “With all of these trees around here, we have more than a two year’s supply of food.”



Wednesday, February 08, 2006

SABBATH DAY BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN ITEMS LDS WILL BUY ON SUNDAY IF THEY HAVE TO AND WHY

TOP TEN ITEMS LDS PEOPLE WILL BUY ON SUNDAY IF THEY HAVE TO AND WHY
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 - Toilet paper: No comment.
2 - Prescriptions: It’s either that or run the risk of dying.
3 - Gasoline: It’s either that or stay home from church.
4 - Forgotten ingredient in a recipe: It’s either that or throw away good food.
5 - Class treat: It’s either that or deal with an irreverent class and possibly ask to be released.
6 – Poster board: It’s either that or have the class not understand what the heck is being taught.
7 - Baby food: It’s either that or the baby could starve.
8 - Dog food: It’s either that or the dog could starve.
9 – Newspaper: It’s that or miss knowing if the last day is finally here (plus peeking at all of the sports scores).
10 – Cookies/candy/soda: No comment.