PHONE MESSAGES FROM AN AVID GENEALOGIST:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Our teenager, Jon, is still dead to the world, but if your message will help bring him back to life, please hurry and press one.
If you’re searching for Susie, your research has just come to a satisfying end. Please smile and press two.
If you are a descendant of Adam and Eve, please leave your name, number and a brief message. If you are not a descendant of Adam and Eve, you’ve got bigger problems than us not being home.
The hearts of the children have truly been turned towards their fathers as well as the rest of mankind. Please leave your name, number and a brief message and we’ll return your call shortly, so you, in turn, can call us and we, in turn, can call you back.
This is the Ray Johnson family. Please leave your given name, your surname, the proper date and the exact time of your call and we will get back to you shortly.
Our records continue to indicate that this is the William Waccholz family located in the city of South Pasadena, in the state of California, in the county of Los Angeles. Please record your message, so we can check the recording and get back to you as soon as is humanly possible.
The acorn doesn’t fall far from the family tree, and neither do we, so please do not trunkate or branch out your message too far. Just leaf something brief and we’ll get to the root of your call and give you a bark shortly.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Advice on How to be a Successful Primary Teacher From a Newly Released Primary Teacher:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
First: Up the credit limit on your Costco card for the ten pound candy treat purchases you will have to make each week, or else.
Second: Hire a good, qualified anger management counselor, one who specializes in ADHD.
Third: Make sure to make friends with at least a few say-yes-to-anything type people in the Ward for those times when you have no choice but to find a substitute.
Fourth: Be willing and ready to change your home phone number at any and/or every moment’s notice.
Fifth: Be willing and able to stay awake through Sacrament meeting in order to prepare your lesson.
Sixth: Work on your self-esteem so it is so intact that you will not feel the slightest bit rediculous sitting up in the choir seats at the front of the chapel surrounded by eighty-plus children, feeling totally oversized and humliated, during the Children’s Sacrament Meeting program.
Seventh: Make sure to have countless impromptu lessons ready for teaching as many as up to 80 children, ranging in age from 3 to 12, for those times when any or all of the other teachers pull a no-show.
Eighth: Practice smiling in front of the mirror until that smile can remain on your face no matter what the circumstance.
Ninth: Bookmark the word, "reverence," in your dictionary so you can look it up often to remind yourself of what the word really means.
Tenth: Work hard to keep your testimony killer-strong for those days when the second and third church-time hours of persecution really get rough.
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
First: Up the credit limit on your Costco card for the ten pound candy treat purchases you will have to make each week, or else.
Second: Hire a good, qualified anger management counselor, one who specializes in ADHD.
Third: Make sure to make friends with at least a few say-yes-to-anything type people in the Ward for those times when you have no choice but to find a substitute.
Fourth: Be willing and ready to change your home phone number at any and/or every moment’s notice.
Fifth: Be willing and able to stay awake through Sacrament meeting in order to prepare your lesson.
Sixth: Work on your self-esteem so it is so intact that you will not feel the slightest bit rediculous sitting up in the choir seats at the front of the chapel surrounded by eighty-plus children, feeling totally oversized and humliated, during the Children’s Sacrament Meeting program.
Seventh: Make sure to have countless impromptu lessons ready for teaching as many as up to 80 children, ranging in age from 3 to 12, for those times when any or all of the other teachers pull a no-show.
Eighth: Practice smiling in front of the mirror until that smile can remain on your face no matter what the circumstance.
Ninth: Bookmark the word, "reverence," in your dictionary so you can look it up often to remind yourself of what the word really means.
Tenth: Work hard to keep your testimony killer-strong for those days when the second and third church-time hours of persecution really get rough.
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