Friday, July 08, 2005

ENDLESS BREAKING NEWS: OCD GENEALOGIST'S PHONE MESSAGES

PHONE MESSAGES FROM AN AVID GENEALOGIST:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

Our teenager, Jon, is still dead to the world, but if your message will help bring him back to life, please hurry and press one.

If you’re searching for Susie, your research has just come to a satisfying end. Please smile and press two.

If you are a descendant of Adam and Eve, please leave your name, number and a brief message. If you are not a descendant of Adam and Eve, you’ve got bigger problems than us not being home.

The hearts of the children have truly been turned towards their fathers as well as the rest of mankind. Please leave your name, number and a brief message and we’ll return your call shortly, so you, in turn, can call us and we, in turn, can call you back.

This is the Ray Johnson family. Please leave your given name, your surname, the proper date and the exact time of your call and we will get back to you shortly.

Our records continue to indicate that this is the William Waccholz family located in the city of South Pasadena, in the state of California, in the county of Los Angeles. Please record your message, so we can check the recording and get back to you as soon as is humanly possible.

The acorn doesn’t fall far from the family tree, and neither do we, so please do not trunkate or branch out your message too far. Just leaf something brief and we’ll get to the root of your call and give you a bark shortly.

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