COMBINATION BREAKING NEWS: FINALLY, SCIENTIST HAVE DISCOVERED WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A MORMON IS COMBINED WITH A ...

SCIENTISTS FINALLY UNCOVER THE TRUTH:
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU COMBINE A...
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1. What do you get if you combine Christmas with a LDS person's food storage?
Lots of gifts that will definintely be stored for years with no plans to ever use them.

2. What do you get if 100 prisoners are ordered to sing in a Ward choir?
A choir director who’s finally happy someone’s willing to sing in the choir.

3. What do you get if you combine a Ward clerk with a Catholic perish?
A quiet guy who walks up and down the aisles every Sunday, counting and making notes on a tiny piece of paper while confusing all of the parishioners.

4. What do you get if you combine the behaviors of a dead ancestor with a high priest?
A high priest who will never wake up, even long after the meeting has ended.

5. What do you get if you combine a home teacher with a kid in the nursery?
Finally, a kid who only gets sick once a month.

6. What do you get if you combine a Primary teacher with a Police Officer?
A Police Officer who gives out treats along with each ticket he writes.

7. What do you get if you combine a basketball player with “Signs of the Times Expert”?
A “Signs of the Times Expert” who is not only obsessed with being right about all of the signs of the times, but is ready to beat up anyone who is wrong about the signs of the times.