EARLY AFTERNOON BREAKING NEWS: MORE MORMON CENSUS QUESTIONS AND A FEW MORE NEW MORMON PRODUCTS

MORMON CENSUS
OR
HOW PECULIAR ARE YOU?
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1. While attending any ward for the very first time, how often would you say you meet someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows you?

A. 99.999999% of the time
B. All of the time

2. How many children should Mormons be allowed to have:

A. 1-6
B. 6-12
C. Only as many as can squish into one pew

3. Which would you say is the “cushiest” job in the church:

A. The Secretary in the Sunday School Presidency
B. The Second Counselor in the Sunday School Presidency
C. The First Counselor in the Sunday School Presidency
D. The President of the Sunday School Presidency

4. Complete this sentence: Church songbook holders were made to:

A. Hold church hymnbooks
B. Store Ward programs
C. Keep unwanted contents of a pocket or purse
D. Provide a “time out” for misused toys
E. Test the durability of a toddler’s head

5. At a Ward Christmas party, how many times have you or your children been injured by the following:

A. The folding chair racks
B. The partition between the Cultural Hall and the Chapel
C. Any classroom, Chapel or bathroom door
D. The stage

6. To make them more accurate, should personal histories be written by someone else:

A. Yes
B. No

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PLUS, SOME NEW MORMON PRODUCTS HAVE JUST BEEN DELIVERED IN TIME FOR SUNDAY!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

NEVER-FAIL-SABBATH-DAY-GROCERY-SHOPPING-DISGUISE MASKS - "I'll never have to drive across town to shop on Sunday again!" a Primary President from Salt Lake City.

CTR-SHAPED HOME WITH MATCHING FURNITURE - "No matter what room we go in, we always remember to choose the right! I think it's making a difference - even with my teenagers!" a woman who might still have a lot to learn.

ENROLLMENT IN THE FIRST 2005 SPRING TRAINING,BASKETBALL REFEREE'S BOOT CAMP - "We'll really be ready for Ward basketball season now!" a man recently released from physical rehab as a result of his Ward's last basketball season.

HIGH COUNCILMAN SMELLING SALTS - "I'll never fall asleep again, no matter how long or dull that talk is!" a very young person in Texas.