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MORMON HORRORSCOPE FOR WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 9TH, 2005:
Today, your ancestors will again try to hint to you that they need their work done NOW, but you will again allow this thought to pass and it will lead you to another one: Should you do your home/visiting teaching this week or wait one more week? Immediately this thought (that you even considered doing your visits so early in the month) will make you feel so good about yourself that you will pull into Krispy Kreme’s for a doughnut. Unable to resist, you will buy a dozen instead. Eating all of these doughnuts will make you feel so excited about life that you will begin to count your blessings, one by one: Your wonderfully perfect wife, your nearly Celestial children, your quiet/peaceful home, all of your many dedicated friends and your unbelievably fantastic job. This thought will become interrupted by a cell phone call from your at-the-end-of-her-rope wife declaring that your son has just ditched school and is on his way to New Mexico with the neighbor (who keeps verbally stabbing you in the back to everyone)’s son and now, again, because of this and (every other hassle that has come to you on a daily basis your whole life), your job will, once again, be in jeopardy again today. You will wonder what you’ve done wrong or right to deserve all of this, throw the piece of doughnut you have in your hand back in the box, visualize driving across your neighbors lawn, but you can’t ‘cause your wife is the Relief Society President, and then figure, oh well, here you must go-- again today-- on another one of life’s journey called, “Enduring to the Very End and Beyond.”
(Coming up: More Mormon Barbie and Ken dolls)
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