COMMERCIALLY FANTASTIC BREAKING NEWS: MOST POPULAR LDS AD SLOGANS!!!

FINALLY: THE HALL OF FAME OF THE MOST POPULAR LDS AD SLOGANS:

Have it your frickin’ way.

A little dab of genealogy’ll do ya.

It’s scrapbooking time!

Reach out and home teach someone.

Can you hear me snore now?

The chorister is ready when you are.

Let your missionaries do the teaching.

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a Relief Society is.

When you care enough to teach the very best.

Got genealogy?

AIRHEAD BREAKING NEWS: LDS DUMB BLONDE JOKES

LDS DUMB BLONDE JOKES
(By Bettyanne also the Blonde Bruin)

A blonde was sitting next to a brunette at church singing, We Thank Thee Oh God for a Prophet.
When they got to the fifth before the last stanza of the last verse, the one blonde leaned over to the brunette and said, “That chorister doesn’t look pregnant to me.”
The brunette said, 'And we know that deliverance is nigh,’ isn’t talking about pregnancy, it’s talking about being delivered from evil!”


After church, the blonde goes to choir practice. At the end of practice, the blonde asks a fellow choir member for a ride home. When they arrive at the blonde’s residence, the blonde’s car is not in the driveway. The blonde exclaims, “My car!” to which the woman driving her home says, “Where’s your car? Has it been stolen?” “No,” the blonde replies. “I just remembered: I drove to choir practice today.”


What’s the difference between a blonde and the daughters of Ishmael?

The daughters of Ishmael had to walk everywhere they went.


A daughter of Ishmael walks around Zarahemla, carrying a pig under one arm.

A man, passing by, says, “Where’d you get that?”

The pig says, “I won her at a town raffle.”



Why couldn’t the dumb blonde watch Abinadi burn in the fire?

‘Cause she was afraid the bright lights might hurt her eyes.



What did the dumb blonde say to Nephi when his brothers had bound and gagged him?

That sure looks like strong rope.



What did the dumb blonde say when she saw Samuel standing on the city wall?

I never knew there was a wall there.



Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to walk to Zarahemla?

She saw a sign saying: "Zarahelma Left" so she went home.

What’s the difference between a dumb blonde and when Alma the Younger was struck dumb?

Alma the Younger was laying down.

ANCIENT BREAKING NEWS: NAGGING WORDS FROM THE MOTHERS OF PEOPLE FROM THE BOOK OF MORMON

Nagging Words
From the Mothers
of People From the Book of Mormon
(Can you guess who each one is?)
(By Bettyane Bruin)


“I told you not to set down that bow! Every time you do, you forget where you put it, you step on it and then break it!”

“If you don’t start keeping better track of your things, some day you’re gonna lose your own head!”

“Why can’t you have a better sense of direction? Ever since I’ve know you, you’re always getting lost!”

“You buried what? Where?”

“If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the fire!”

“You can talk and you can hear, so sit up.”

“You traveled in the sea by the way of what? And you could see by the light of five what?”

“You’re going to follow a group of men to the desert and marry them? Are you crazy?”

“Quit waving that flag so hard. You’re gonna hit somebody!”

“It’s nice you prayed all night, but where’s the beast you promised you’d bring home?”

“You and your secrets. Some day they're all going to combine up against you!”

PRIMARY BREAKING NEWS: WHY HEAVEN LIKES PRIMARY CHILDREN THE BEST

Why Heaven Likes Primary Children the Best:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

Because Primary children are so honest…they will honestly say things like, “Why do always wear the same dress?” Or, when you reprimand them, they will say, “You know, you’re kinda mean and you’re kinda ugly.”

Because Primary children are so cute… especially when they are fast asleep.

Because Primary children are so lovable… especially the day after they graduate from Primary.

Because Primary children are so predictable …you can predict that because of them every one of your Sundays is going to be chaotic.

Because Primary children are so kind…kind of nice and kind of mean.

Because Primary children will make you a better person ... or be your one-way ticket to a mental institution.

Because Primary children can make your whole world look up…up to something not good at all.

Because Primary children have such a great influence…on whether or not you want to live one more day or not.

Because Primary children adjust so well … adjust your chair, your hair, your shoestrings.

Because Primary children can help so much…help you into the ambulance after tripping you down the stairs.

Because Primary children are the best…the best example of all of the things you hope your children will never be.

And these are just some of the reasons why Heaven likes children the best.

STARVING BREAKING NEWS: The Official LDS Fast Sunday Diet

The Official LDS Fast Sunday Diet
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

6 a.m.: No food.
7 a.m.: No food at all.
8 a.m.: Even more no food.
9 a.m.: No food still.
10 a.m.: NO food.
11 a.m.: NO FOOD!
12 p.m.: Still absolutely no food enters mouth.
1 p.m.: No intake of food between lips remains at an all-time high.
2 p.m.: Brain still registering that zero amount of food intake is still occurring.
3 p.m.: Absolutely nothing enters the mouth, still, food wise.
4 p.m.: NO, NO, NO, NO FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!!!
5 p.m: Where the h&#! is the d@*! food?
5:57 p.m.: Convinced dehydration is compromising system, upon entering house after church, a small amount of water is consumed.
5:58: Two Oreo cookies, sitting on the counter, are inadvertently placed in mouth.
5:59 p.m.: A handful of Sour Cream and Onion potato chips, otherwise despised on any other day, is now rapidly consumed.
6:00 p.m.: To the Amen, the first bite of roast, dipped in gravy is eaten.
From 6:01 to 7 p.m.:
One pound of roast dipped in three cups of gravy.
One baked potato drenched in butter and sour cream.
Another baked potato drenched in butter and sour cream.
Four homemade rolls.
Six heaping spoonfuls of Jell-O Salad mixed with Cool Whip and fruit.
Ten glasses of iced Soda.
Cooked carrots and butter bowl licked clean.

8 p.m.: Leftovers from yesterday’s dinner consumed.
9 p.m.: Bowl of cereal missed during morning fast now consumed.
10 p.m.: Eleven brownies, last three brownies in a bowl with ice cream and hot fudge, nuts, whipped cream and cherry.
11 p.m.: Two tablespoons Pepto Bismal
2 a.m.: Two more tablespoons Pepto Bismal
5 a.m.: Two more tablespoons Pepto Bismal.

"After trying everything to put on weight, I finally tried this diet for twele months (and I'm not even Mormon).I put on nearly forty-five pounds, which was good, 'cause the doctor said if I didn't put on any weight, something bad might happen to me. Thanks, LDS Official Fast Sunday diet!" a satsified person in Utah.

FAMILIAL BREAKING NEWS: INGREDIENTS FOR A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY HOME EVENING

Ingredients for a Successful Family Home Evening:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

First: 1 to 100 family members, each carrying some type of challenge that keeps them one fight short of a complete nervous breakdown.

Second: 1 homemade treat, preferably homemade ice cream, S’mores, Rice Krispie treats, brownies or that 9X13 cake with holes punched in it dripping with caramel and Cool Whip on top.

Third: 1 clock, totally in bird’s eye of Father, so he hawk-eye it enough to know when the second arrives to announce that the prearranged time of twenty minutes has arrived and FHE is over or else.

Fourth: 1 newspaper nearby for father to eye over and/or sneak onto lap.

Fifth: 1 time-out chair, empty and ready to go, so Father can stand and point while ordering disobedient child go there or else.

Instructions:

1. Yell for family to gather.

2. Threaten to ground those family members who take too long to gather, including 90 year-old Grandpa who now lives with the family.

3. Have an opening prayer.

4. Ask if there is any family business.

5. At 10 p.m., after the last fight has finally ended, have a closing prayer,
or, if there is no family business:
play hangman to introduce lesson theme, attempt to give as much of the lesson as possible before the huge, out of control, FHE-ending fight breaks out.

6. Have a closing prayer.

7. Servethe treat.

8. Make assignments for next Monday’s FHE.

ENDLESS BREAKING NEWS: OCD GENEALOGIST'S PHONE MESSAGES

PHONE MESSAGES FROM AN AVID GENEALOGIST:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

Our teenager, Jon, is still dead to the world, but if your message will help bring him back to life, please hurry and press one.

If you’re searching for Susie, your research has just come to a satisfying end. Please smile and press two.

If you are a descendant of Adam and Eve, please leave your name, number and a brief message. If you are not a descendant of Adam and Eve, you’ve got bigger problems than us not being home.

The hearts of the children have truly been turned towards their fathers as well as the rest of mankind. Please leave your name, number and a brief message and we’ll return your call shortly, so you, in turn, can call us and we, in turn, can call you back.

This is the Ray Johnson family. Please leave your given name, your surname, the proper date and the exact time of your call and we will get back to you shortly.

Our records continue to indicate that this is the William Waccholz family located in the city of South Pasadena, in the state of California, in the county of Los Angeles. Please record your message, so we can check the recording and get back to you as soon as is humanly possible.

The acorn doesn’t fall far from the family tree, and neither do we, so please do not trunkate or branch out your message too far. Just leaf something brief and we’ll get to the root of your call and give you a bark shortly.

Advice on How to be a Successful Primary Teacher From a Newly Released Primary Teacher:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

First: Up the credit limit on your Costco card for the ten pound candy treat purchases you will have to make each week, or else.

Second: Hire a good, qualified anger management counselor, one who specializes in ADHD.

Third: Make sure to make friends with at least a few say-yes-to-anything type people in the Ward for those times when you have no choice but to find a substitute.

Fourth: Be willing and ready to change your home phone number at any and/or every moment’s notice.

Fifth: Be willing and able to stay awake through Sacrament meeting in order to prepare your lesson.

Sixth: Work on your self-esteem so it is so intact that you will not feel the slightest bit rediculous sitting up in the choir seats at the front of the chapel surrounded by eighty-plus children, feeling totally oversized and humliated, during the Children’s Sacrament Meeting program.

Seventh: Make sure to have countless impromptu lessons ready for teaching as many as up to 80 children, ranging in age from 3 to 12, for those times when any or all of the other teachers pull a no-show.

Eighth: Practice smiling in front of the mirror until that smile can remain on your face no matter what the circumstance.

Ninth: Bookmark the word, "reverence," in your dictionary so you can look it up often to remind yourself of what the word really means.

Tenth: Work hard to keep your testimony killer-strong for those days when the second and third church-time hours of persecution really get rough.

How To Have a Successful Fourth of July LDS Family Reunion:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

General LDS Family Reunion Supplies Needed:

1 - Cheap Hamburger Meat
2 - Homemade Hamburger Buns
3 - Home-canned dill pickles from Grandma’s backyard that everyone’s leery of.
4 - Generic-brand potato chips
5 - Warm potato salad
6 - Dirty salt and pepper shakers
7 - Other left-overs in the cupboard that are now considered filler food
8 - Kool-aid that sure to give you Diabetes
9 - Three diet cokes
10 - Ten bags of Oreos, five chocolate cakes, twelve pans of brownies, a big bowl of m&m's.
11 - A few Xanax

Instructions:

Before eating, while everyone is starving, have Grandpa, in a very monotone voice, tell about his lengthy heritage, his years in the service and the gratitude everyone should have for our country.

Right before everyone is ready to slit their wrists if they have to hear one more word of Grandpa's speech, have Grandma look at Grandpa with a fake, surprised look -- acting as though she can’t understand why everyone would ever fall asleep during Grandpa’s talk when she was the first one to succumb. In her Relief Society voice, have her suggest to Grandpa that a blessing be given on the food.

Then, have Grandpa say, (‘cause Grandpa’s so insecure that he has to feel like everything is his idea) “I’ve got a great idea, Dear (Have him emphasize the word, Dear, as if saying, ‘Do this or else.’) Why don’t we sing one verse of the National Anthem before we have the prayer?” Have Grandma agree ‘cause she can’t disagree with Grandpa or the rest of the day is ruined.

Have the family sing, while cousin James in the pony tail walks off to take a cigarette break.

Following a musically dysfunctional rendition of the National Anthem, have everyone dive into the food as if they haven’t eaten in weeks even though every one is packing at least a few extra pounds. Have one of the distant cousins comment to the stranger next to him, “It’s nice we have songs like the National Anthem … to remind us of the importance of carrying a gun.” Have him chuckle and then wink.

Make sure everyone binges, and then have a few people purge.

Following dinner, divide the group into two groups, except for James who has gone for another smoke. Give each group an old, stained bed sheet in which a water balloon is placed in one bed sheet while the other group holding the other bed sheet tries to catch the water balloon. Have everyone laugh at this and feel a deep, eternal family bond. Then, after about a half hour, have one of the cousins suffering from ADHD suggest throwing something else from sheet to sheet. Have someone suggest the little three-year old that just walked by. Have the three-year-old say, “Sure,” at the suggestion and climb onto the sheet. Have the sheet drop and a few family members fall and everyone laugh in delight at the fun that can be had at a LDS family reunion.

Then, have the obnoxious cousin, whom everybody wonders what he did wrong in the pre-existence, suddenly grab a water balloon and start a water balloon fight. Have half the group having the time of their life, and the other half mad, including James who says, “That thing had better not hit me or else.”

Have the balloon hit James. Have James freaks out, then get in the face of the thirteen-year-old who threw it.

Have someone grab James and have uncelestial words start flying.

Have the whole thing eventually settle down and then, finally, at the end of the reunion, have someone say, “Wasn’t this a great family reunion? We need to do this again next year.”

MAKE OR BREAK BREAKING NEWS: DO'S AND DON'TS FOR WARD BISHOPRIC MEMBERS

Do’s and Don’ts for Ward Bishopric Members:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 - Do attend all your meetings.

Do not let the Ward catch you in your driveway during Sunday School in shorts hitching your boat up to a truck on your way to Lake Powell.

2 - Do have musical numbers performed during Sacrament Meeting:

Do not have a member play, “How Great Thou Art,” on their garage hand saw.

3 - Do compliment your speakers.

Do not compliment women who cry their whole way through their testimony and then say, “I’m sorry I’m such a big boob,” by saying, “That’s okay, Sister. We like big boobs.”

4 - Do hold tithing settlement.

Do not laugh and say, when you see the total amount of tithing paid, “How’d you get by on that?”

5 - Do give to every member of the Ward.

Do not give so much to every member of the Ward that you get burn out, take off in the middle of the night, go missing for three days and then become found pumping gas in a small town in Southern Utah.

6 - Do relax during Sacrament Meeting.

Do not relax so much that you fall asleep and drool on the shoulder of the person seated next to you.

7 – Do maintain your personal life.

Do not maintain your personal life so much that you wear a blue sweater under your suit coat every time BYU wins a football game.

8 – Do interview the youth bi-annually.

While interviewing the youth, do not ever scream the words, “You did what?”

9 – Do visit the elderly.

After visiting the elderly, do not ever let any of them over hear you saying to another Ward member, "Why would Heaven allow these people to live so long that they have to become a burden to everyone?"

10 – Do be the father of the Ward.

Do not be the father of the Ward so much that you end up grounding people, giving long Robert Reed-type speeches, not listening when spoken to or telling stupid “Dad” jokes.

Ten Things That Make Mormons Feel Very Sad:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 - Making a prize-winning omelet, then sitting down to eat it and suddenly remembering it’s Fast Sunday.

2 - Going into an interview with the Bishop, thinking you’ll be called as the next Relief Society President and being called as a Ward Missionary instead.

3 - Finding out, during tithing settlement, that that one check you thought you turned in for five hundred dollars never got turned in.

4 - Finding all of the scrapbook pages you worked so hard to complete are now stuck together.

5 - Discovering the wheat you worked so hard to earn and store has now become overrun with weevils.

6 - Not serving a foreign mission.

7 – One hundred percent attendance on behalf of the scouts at Scout Camp with a no-show on behalf of all of the volunteer fathers (Oops, sad mixed up with mad on this one!).

8 – Finding out that it’s Tuesday, after Family Home Evening has already been held.

9 – Showing up for any early morning church meeting, forgetting that it’s the first day of Fall daylight savings.

10 – Missing a movie with all of your friends because you thought it was rated R, only to find out it was rated PG.

HAPPY HAPPY BREAKING NEWS: TEN THINGS THAT MAKE MORMONS REALLY HAPPY

Ten Things That Make Mormons Really Happy:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


Getting a “yes” on the first phone call made for a Primary substitute.

Remembering on the 30th day of the month that there are 31 days in this particular month, so there’s one more day left to do home/visiting teaching.

Remembering on Sunday morning, as one is looking for their Sunday School manual, that it is Stake Conference Sunday.

Finding all of your genealogy with the push of one button at the Family History library.

Going in for a church calling and finding out the call is not to be the next Ward Nursery Leader, Scout Leader or Ward Mission Leader.

Thinking it is Fast Sunday, then finding out it isn’t.

Discovering one is right when it comes to certain Church doctrine, especially if the doctrine is controversial or of a delicate nature.

Getting out of any church meeting early.

At the close of a meeting, hearing the announcement that a blessing will now be given on the food.

Finding out the new Bishop is not the person no one gets along with.

FERFUN BREAKING NEWS: COMMENTS FROM UTAH MORMONS

Comments From Utah Mormons:
(Bettyanne Bruin)

Beshurin dewyer geneeolugy… ‘cuz if you don’t, someone’s gunna gi-chew!

Why eet peetza with a knife and a fark when you can hold it with yer hands?

My cah had some ki-ens lass ni. They’re sacute and ferry.

I’ll tell ya su-uh…them mou-ains sure are perdy!

Wudderyermean that vaccum don’t work? I just fixed it yestirdee.

The cap’n is sewfun. There aren’t many cap’ns like our cap’n.

I dunno nuthin’ never, not nowhere, now nohow!

GRRR BREAKING NEWS: QUESTIONS LDS PEOPLE GET TIRED OF BEING ASKED

Questions LDS People Get Tired of Being Asked
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

Do you have more than one wife? Geez, what would it be like to have more than one wife? Keeping them happy would be harder than surviving a fall off a skyscraper! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I know you can’t drink beer, but can you drink root BEER? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Is it hard to baptize dead people? What’s the hardest part? Getting them to say, “Thank you?” Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I heard you can’t chew gum or dance? How come Donny and Marie can dance and chew gum and you can’t? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

If I pay someone, will they let me go in the temple? How about if I give them my Mastercard or Visa instead? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

In order to be a Mormon, do you HAVE to be a republican? Can you be a democrat or a libertarian or does everyone have to vote for the same person? If Arnold Schwatzenager ran for President, would everyone HAVE to vote for him? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Do you grow all your own food and make all your meals from scratch? I’d rather slit my wrists than do that! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

A long time ago, I heard two guys ate each other high on a mountain top. Who ate who first? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Thank you, everyone, for your support! Of all of the countless things I love so much, happyjellybeans is right up there at the top!!! I appreciate the over 1500 hits per month to stop by and say hi. I would love to hear from you, especially ideas or feedback relating to this site cause I know you all have something even more important to say. Feel free to email me at bag727@yahoo.com. Until then, uh oh, Father's Day is coming!!!

PATERNAL BREAKING NEWS: LDS FATHER'S DAY CARDS AVAILABLE NOW!!!

DON'T WAIT!!!
GET YOURS NOW!!!
LDS FATHER'S DAY CARDS:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


Thanks for not doing your home teaching, Dad, ‘cause we love being with you every night of the month!

Sorry about burning down your tent at Scout Camp last Summer, Dad, but I promise, if you’ll come with me next year, I’ll never douse your tent with lighter fluid ever again.

Do you realize, Dad, that Father’s Day could be even better if it wasn’t for Adam’s transgression? But, have a good day any way.

Sorry, Dad, that sometimes I’m so glad when you come home that I wrap my arms around your neck and nearly choke you.

Thanks for having a family here on Earth, Dad, that we want to spend our life with through all eternity, except for those two wayward children, Kristin and Randy.

Dad, thanks for sitting up at that little table in the front of the chapel each Sunday, strolling the aisles to count how many people are in attendance, then going back up to your little table and drifting off to sleep so that we can all watch you instead of listening to some of those long, boring talks.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. May all of your basketball games next year not end up costing you so much money in attorney’s fees.

You’re the best, Dad. Even though your Primary class drives you crazy and you have to put them in a headlock sometimes, I think they’re finally starting to get the message that reverence begins with each one of us.

Thanks for hanging in there on all of those family nights, Dad, and letting us drag you to family prayer, and for letting us keep your bedroom door open each morning so you can hear us during family scripture-time.

Sorry you didn’t win the Pinewood Derby, Dad, and you really shouldn’t have slugged the winner in the face and gotten hauled off by the cops, but we still love you anyway.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad, and thanks for ringing the buzzer in Sunday School to remind everyone in the Ward of what a loser you are. (Just kidding, Russ.)

HAPPY FATHER’ DAY, DAD!!!

ANCIENT BREAKING NEWS: SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE TAKING YOUR GENEALOGICAL RESEARCH TOO SERIOUSLY

Signs You Might Be Taking
Your Genealogical Research
Too Seriously

(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1 -

You can’t wait for all of your living relatives to die

so they can become your next ancestors.

2-

You can’t wait to meet Adam and Eve.

3 -

You’ve already had corrective eye surgery

as a result of staring at those

micro fiche machines for so long.

4 –

You look forward to spending time with your dead relatives

while you dread spending time with your living ones.

5 -

You’ve threatened to harm anyone

who tries to update your pedigree charts.

6 -

You actually know how to spell the word, genealogy.

7 -

People avoid you at family reunions.

8 –

You look at everything in your life from a backwards

instead of a forwards perspective.

9 –

You’ve started making up family histories

for those ancestors you can't find histories for.

10 –

You’d rather attend a genealogy seminar in Elko, Nevada

than a two-week trip at a five-star hotel

on the coast of Maui.

BREAKING NEWS: AVAILABLE NOW: ADVICE ON LIFE FROM LDS WARD LEADERS

AVAILABLE NOW:
ADVICE ON LIFE FROM WARD LEADERS!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


Advice on life from a High Priest:

Some believe life is for eating, drinking and being merry, but life is really for eating, drinking and sleeping. So sleep, sleep a lot. And when you are finished sleeping, sleep some more.

Advice on life from a Ward Basketball Player:
Always shoot for the best and, when life gets you down, be sure to take a good upper cut at anything that might be getting in the way of scoring every point you can.

Advice on life from a Relief Society President:
You can be perfect. And, if you can’t be perfect, go on medication.

Advice on life from a Primary child:
If someone is pestered long enough, eventually he, she or them will give in.

Advice on life from a Scoutmaster:
While doing your duty, try not to entertain thoughts of harming others, especially little boys under the age of twelve who have been sent to camp to give their families a break.

Advice on life from a Scrapbooker:
Life always looks better glued to a piece of paper.

Advice on life from a Genealogist:
Always search for what is missing most in your life.

Advice on life from a Ward librarian:
Even true friends or perfect saints refuse to remember to return borrowed items.

Advice on life from a Ward Mission Leader:
No matter how hard people try to lose your phone number, don’t give up. You can always give them your phone number again and again and again.

Advice on life from a Nursery Leader:
Amidst the world's madness, Advil works best.

BREAKING NEWS: CRAZY TIME IN HAPPYJELLYBEANS NEIGHBORHOOD

Wow, it has been a crazy time in happyjellybeans neighborhood. After going to New York for book signings for my latest (co-authored) book, Shattered: Six Steps From Betrayal to Recovery, KUTV, Channel 2 in Salt Lake City called for an interview, other stations have called as well. Now, I must go to California to lay Dad to his final resting place. What a great guy. Until then (my return), I began my latest, which will be completed upon my return. If interested in viewing the KUTV tape, go to kutv.com, click on the Thelma Soares sitting at a table speaking into a microphone with the caption, "Thelma writes forword to book or Thelma endorses book." Thank you, Thelma. Thank you contributors to book. Thank you, everyone, for your collaborative effort, energy and support for this important and very timely subject.

And in between all of this, I like to indulge daily in what I refer to as my "Mormon cigarette." (No, I don't smoke. It's a joke: Mormon... pleasure.) Anyway, here is my latest under construction project. Thanks everyone! Bettyanne

Things I Needed to Know That I Did Not Learn in Primary:

Not to expect to shout and still expect to be rewarded.
That not everyone likes me.
To keep my shoes on during important meetings.
That not everyone has the capabilities to grow a foot or two.
That it’s not possible to win every game.
That popcorn really doesn’t grow on apricot trees.

See you Monday. BB

FREAKY BREAKING NEWS: SIGN OF THE BEAST IS COMING SOON

Okay, so I'll get back
to my regularly scheduled broadcast soon,
but,
this morning it hit me...
I wrote down the date, 6/6/5...
A year from today?
6/6/6.

Yes, happyjellybeans.blogspot.com found it first.

Breaking News:
6/6/6 is coming.

Now,
lest you wonder
what happyjellybean's opinion is about this
manywillwantittobeahighlyreligious date?
HJB does not think,
nor will it ever think,
this date means anything more than
just another day in history.

However,
for all those
who will become ever so highly OCD focused
on this date,
they will most likely create
the exact catastrophic events
they are looking for.
Like when I was young,
and my mother said,
"There was once a man
who went around saying,
'The end of the world is tomorrow!'
And the next day he died.
And it was the end of the world,
for him.

So, my comment is,
make every day be your very own 6/6/6,
and choose how you're going to live it!

And, stay tuned...
more entries for happyjellybeans ill forthcoming.
(What a wonderful trip to New York. Whew.)