STARVING BREAKING NEWS: The Official LDS Fast Sunday Diet

The Official LDS Fast Sunday Diet
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

6 a.m.: No food.
7 a.m.: No food at all.
8 a.m.: Even more no food.
9 a.m.: No food still.
10 a.m.: NO food.
11 a.m.: NO FOOD!
12 p.m.: Still absolutely no food enters mouth.
1 p.m.: No intake of food between lips remains at an all-time high.
2 p.m.: Brain still registering that zero amount of food intake is still occurring.
3 p.m.: Absolutely nothing enters the mouth, still, food wise.
4 p.m.: NO, NO, NO, NO FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!!!
5 p.m: Where the h&#! is the d@*! food?
5:57 p.m.: Convinced dehydration is compromising system, upon entering house after church, a small amount of water is consumed.
5:58: Two Oreo cookies, sitting on the counter, are inadvertently placed in mouth.
5:59 p.m.: A handful of Sour Cream and Onion potato chips, otherwise despised on any other day, is now rapidly consumed.
6:00 p.m.: To the Amen, the first bite of roast, dipped in gravy is eaten.
From 6:01 to 7 p.m.:
One pound of roast dipped in three cups of gravy.
One baked potato drenched in butter and sour cream.
Another baked potato drenched in butter and sour cream.
Four homemade rolls.
Six heaping spoonfuls of Jell-O Salad mixed with Cool Whip and fruit.
Ten glasses of iced Soda.
Cooked carrots and butter bowl licked clean.

8 p.m.: Leftovers from yesterday’s dinner consumed.
9 p.m.: Bowl of cereal missed during morning fast now consumed.
10 p.m.: Eleven brownies, last three brownies in a bowl with ice cream and hot fudge, nuts, whipped cream and cherry.
11 p.m.: Two tablespoons Pepto Bismal
2 a.m.: Two more tablespoons Pepto Bismal
5 a.m.: Two more tablespoons Pepto Bismal.

"After trying everything to put on weight, I finally tried this diet for twele months (and I'm not even Mormon).I put on nearly forty-five pounds, which was good, 'cause the doctor said if I didn't put on any weight, something bad might happen to me. Thanks, LDS Official Fast Sunday diet!" a satsified person in Utah.