TOP TEN CHURCH CALLINGS
EVERY LDS PERSON
FEARS BEING CALLED TO:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Scoutmaster
2 - Den Leader
3 - Camp Director
4 – Nursery Leader
5 – Assistant Nursery Leader
6 – Second Assistant Nursery Leader
7 - Gospel Doctrine Teacher
8 – Ward Missionary
9 – Stake Missonary
10 – Ward Mission Leader
Friday, August 11, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
SABBATH BREAKING NEWS: SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE SUFFERING FROM A MONDAY MORNING LDS HANGOVER
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE SUFFERING
FROM A MONDAY MORNING LDS HANGOVER:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Eyes burn from sleeping during church, as well as on and off throughout the day.
2 - Hands are dry from so much dishwashing following so many dinner visitors.
3 - Voice is groggy from talking to people at church, then going home and having follow-up discussions on lesson topics.
4 - Back hurts from sitting in the pews.
5 - Urge to sin still trying to subside after from not being able to do anything all day long.
6 - Eyes also burn from watching too much television all day long.
7 - Legs ache from not using them all day long as a result of laying on the couch all day long.
8 – Arm hurts from using the remote control for so long.
9 - Pants too tight from overeating.
10 – Eyes sensitive to light from staying indoors too long.
FROM A MONDAY MORNING LDS HANGOVER:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Eyes burn from sleeping during church, as well as on and off throughout the day.
2 - Hands are dry from so much dishwashing following so many dinner visitors.
3 - Voice is groggy from talking to people at church, then going home and having follow-up discussions on lesson topics.
4 - Back hurts from sitting in the pews.
5 - Urge to sin still trying to subside after from not being able to do anything all day long.
6 - Eyes also burn from watching too much television all day long.
7 - Legs ache from not using them all day long as a result of laying on the couch all day long.
8 – Arm hurts from using the remote control for so long.
9 - Pants too tight from overeating.
10 – Eyes sensitive to light from staying indoors too long.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
DEAR JOHN BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN WORST INTRODUCTIONS IN A LDS DEAR JOHN LETTER
Top Ten Worst Introductions
in a LDS Dear John Letter
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “You know how your brother and I
were always so close? Well…”
2 - “I liked you, so much, when I was LDS,
but now that I’m Catholic…”
3 – “I thought the sacrifice of waiting for you
for two years would be worth it, but…”
4 – “Last night, while I was praying
as to what I should do between you and Mark,
well I got this feeling that Mark and I…”
5 – Remember how you always said,
“If I can’t wait for you, just let me know? Well...”
6 – “I know your mother was just diagnosed
with cancer and that your dad recently died of a heart attack, but nothing is harder than me
having to write this letter to tell you…”
7 – “This hurts me more than it hurts you, but…”
8 – “Even though I have chosen not to wait for you any longer, I hope you’ll keep looking at the bright side.”
9 – “Because I feel you are so much more righteous than me, I feel there is no other choice other than to let you go…”
10 – Even though I have decided not to wait for you any longer, I just wanted to remind you about my younger
sister, Hilary. She has become really pretty
these past two years and, at age 16, she has just started
dating and is close enough to your age that I was thinking …”
in a LDS Dear John Letter
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “You know how your brother and I
were always so close? Well…”
2 - “I liked you, so much, when I was LDS,
but now that I’m Catholic…”
3 – “I thought the sacrifice of waiting for you
for two years would be worth it, but…”
4 – “Last night, while I was praying
as to what I should do between you and Mark,
well I got this feeling that Mark and I…”
5 – Remember how you always said,
“If I can’t wait for you, just let me know? Well...”
6 – “I know your mother was just diagnosed
with cancer and that your dad recently died of a heart attack, but nothing is harder than me
having to write this letter to tell you…”
7 – “This hurts me more than it hurts you, but…”
8 – “Even though I have chosen not to wait for you any longer, I hope you’ll keep looking at the bright side.”
9 – “Because I feel you are so much more righteous than me, I feel there is no other choice other than to let you go…”
10 – Even though I have decided not to wait for you any longer, I just wanted to remind you about my younger
sister, Hilary. She has become really pretty
these past two years and, at age 16, she has just started
dating and is close enough to your age that I was thinking …”
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
MISSIONARY BREAKING NEWS
TOP TEN MISSIONS EVERY MISSIONARY
FEELS HE OR SHE SHOULD TRULY BE CALLED TO:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Adamondiamon
2 - The Vatican
3 - The first mission to the Moon
4 - To lie on the sidewalk in Israel for three days
5 - Hawaii or Fiji or Cancun or Cabo San Lucas or Club Med
6 - To teach Mel Gibson
7 - Salt Lake City
8 - To be one of the three Nephites
9 - Hollywood
10 - To just stay home
FEELS HE OR SHE SHOULD TRULY BE CALLED TO:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Adamondiamon
2 - The Vatican
3 - The first mission to the Moon
4 - To lie on the sidewalk in Israel for three days
5 - Hawaii or Fiji or Cancun or Cabo San Lucas or Club Med
6 - To teach Mel Gibson
7 - Salt Lake City
8 - To be one of the three Nephites
9 - Hollywood
10 - To just stay home
PRESIDENTIAL BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN CHANGES IN AMERICA IF MITT ROMNEY BECOMES PRESIDENT
TOP TEN CHANGES IN AMERICA
IF MITT ROMNEY
BECOMES PRESIDENT
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
IF MITT ROMNEY
BECOMES PRESIDENT
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 -
Corn will be pronounced carn
2 -
All cabinet meetings will begin with
"The Hello Song."
3 -
The letter "T" will be dropped from
the English alphabet ( moun-ains, ki-ens, shu-up)
4 -
The announced will be made that
fry sauce is the offical American condiment.
5 -
If a cabinet member cannot make a cabinet meeting,
he or she will need to get a substitute.
6 -
Funeral potatoes and green Jell-o salad
will be served at the White House.
7 -
The colors of the flag will be changed
to red, yellow and blue.
8 -
Refreshments will be served
after all cabinet meetings.
9 -
All state departments will use more visual aids.
10-
A war will break out to finally settle the battle:
Coke or Pepsi.
Friday, July 28, 2006
HJB BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN CHANGES IN AMERICA IF MITT ROMNEY BECOMES PRESIDENT
Greetings from Redondo Beach. I have been thinking about HJB while I've been gone. I always have an eye out for HJB things, which I will address in the future. But, for today, one idea came to me. Quickly, I will jot down as much as I can before I jump back in the ocean: TOP TEN CHANGES IN AMERICA IF MITT ROMNEY BECOMES PRESIDENT: (I can't get this computer to work right, so it's all in one run today: 1- Corn will be pronounced Carn. 2 - America's official condiment will finally be announced: Fry Sauce. 3 - The American Flag will no longer be red, white and blue, but red, yellow and blue. 4 - All cabinet meetings will beging with "The Hello Song." 5 - Finally, the biggest war in history will break out to finally make the final decision: Coke or Pepsi! 6 - The letter "T" will be dropped from the alphabet (moun-ains, ki-en, lay-on) 7 - "Fetch" will be announced as the nation's official swear word. 8 - Uh, oh. Waves are calling. I'll keep working on this one. Favorite HJB saying: Remember to BE GOOD AND HAVE FUN!!!!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Breaking News: Top Ten Things
Top Ten Things Seen at the 24th of July Parade:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – 10k and marathon racers attempting to wave and smile because they actually know people in the crowd.
2 - Salt Lake motorcade with Sheriff’s wearing fake mustaches
3 – Floats sprayed one entire metallic color (usually gold, purple or green), including live people, trees, cats, dogs!
4 – Sweaty clowns that scare both children and adults.
5 – Band members with too-tight, polyester, hand-me-down band outfits being sprayed with water sprayers to keep them cooled off.
6 – Too much horse poop.
7 – Too many motorized pooper scooper carts
8 – Old, fat Shriner’s driving Model T mini cars
9 – Tons of pamphlets from other religions.
10 - Groups of anti Mormons holding signs arguing with LDS people.
THE BEST: The Samoan band!!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – 10k and marathon racers attempting to wave and smile because they actually know people in the crowd.
2 - Salt Lake motorcade with Sheriff’s wearing fake mustaches
3 – Floats sprayed one entire metallic color (usually gold, purple or green), including live people, trees, cats, dogs!
4 – Sweaty clowns that scare both children and adults.
5 – Band members with too-tight, polyester, hand-me-down band outfits being sprayed with water sprayers to keep them cooled off.
6 – Too much horse poop.
7 – Too many motorized pooper scooper carts
8 – Old, fat Shriner’s driving Model T mini cars
9 – Tons of pamphlets from other religions.
10 - Groups of anti Mormons holding signs arguing with LDS people.
THE BEST: The Samoan band!!!!
Monday, July 17, 2006
OH MAN BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN MOST POPULAR LDS BRAG-WHINING STATEMENTS
TOP TEN MOST POPULAR
LDS BRAG/WHINING STATEMENTS
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
BragWhining: noun; When a LDS person tries to camouflage a total brag within a whine. Example:
1 -- I am sooooo tired because I stayed up all night finishing the entire Book of Mormon.
2 -- I hate this. I am soooooo nervous. I mean being the new Relief Society President is one of the biggest jobs in the church!
3 -- Oh man, I am soooooooooooo exhausted. I mean we had to pack up our entire family, drive to Mexico and then teach an entire community how to cook and clean.
4 -- I am soooooooooooooooo poor. Oh man, after buying that houseboat and jet skis, then hosting that week long party for the Ward, what more should I expect?
5 -- I am so mad. We thought our brand new, ten thousand square foot home would be done by this weekend and the contractor says the one-of-a-kind imported tile shipment from Italy is going to be late!
6 -- I am sooooo sore. I spent the entire weekend pulling every weed in our non-member neighbor's yard and then his neighbor asked me to pull his too.
7 -- Look at my hands. Can you believe it? They are all cut from spending the entire day out at the Bishop's storehouse loading and unloading 20 pound food crates.
8 -- It is so hard having 12 children. Some days I think I am going to die because I have sooooo many children.
9 -- I can't believe how much stupid time it takes to meet with our financial investor to go over all of our investments.
10 -- I have spent soooooo much time doing all of my geneaology, all the way back to the early 1200's, that I'm afraid I might go to go blind.
LDS BRAG/WHINING STATEMENTS
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
BragWhining: noun; When a LDS person tries to camouflage a total brag within a whine. Example:
1 -- I am sooooo tired because I stayed up all night finishing the entire Book of Mormon.
2 -- I hate this. I am soooooo nervous. I mean being the new Relief Society President is one of the biggest jobs in the church!
3 -- Oh man, I am soooooooooooo exhausted. I mean we had to pack up our entire family, drive to Mexico and then teach an entire community how to cook and clean.
4 -- I am soooooooooooooooo poor. Oh man, after buying that houseboat and jet skis, then hosting that week long party for the Ward, what more should I expect?
5 -- I am so mad. We thought our brand new, ten thousand square foot home would be done by this weekend and the contractor says the one-of-a-kind imported tile shipment from Italy is going to be late!
6 -- I am sooooo sore. I spent the entire weekend pulling every weed in our non-member neighbor's yard and then his neighbor asked me to pull his too.
7 -- Look at my hands. Can you believe it? They are all cut from spending the entire day out at the Bishop's storehouse loading and unloading 20 pound food crates.
8 -- It is so hard having 12 children. Some days I think I am going to die because I have sooooo many children.
9 -- I can't believe how much stupid time it takes to meet with our financial investor to go over all of our investments.
10 -- I have spent soooooo much time doing all of my geneaology, all the way back to the early 1200's, that I'm afraid I might go to go blind.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
HALFSIES BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN NEWEST WAYS LDS PEOPLE SPEAK!!!!
TOP TEN NEWEST WAYS
LDS PEOPLE SPEAK!!!
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - It's not Family Home Evening anymore,
it's Family Home!!!
2 - Instead of, "Want to go with me somewhere?"
it's now, "Wanna go with?"
3 - Instead of BYU, it's The BY!!!
4 - Green Jell-O is now just Green J!!!
5 - And guess what? We're not preparing
for the second coming anymore
'cause we're all preparing for the Second C!!!
6 - Word is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
now refers to the The Battle Hymn of the Repulic
as The Battle H of the R!!!
7 - Missionaries also now only refer to
assistants to the President as Assistants to the P!!!
8 - And High Councilmen are now called High C's!!!
9 - Uh oh. Do not do this:
Some people now refer to General Authorities as G.A.'s!!!
10 - And, when we die?
Of course: We all want to go to the C. Kingdom!!!!
LDS PEOPLE SPEAK!!!
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - It's not Family Home Evening anymore,
it's Family Home!!!
2 - Instead of, "Want to go with me somewhere?"
it's now, "Wanna go with?"
3 - Instead of BYU, it's The BY!!!
4 - Green Jell-O is now just Green J!!!
5 - And guess what? We're not preparing
for the second coming anymore
'cause we're all preparing for the Second C!!!
6 - Word is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
now refers to the The Battle Hymn of the Repulic
as The Battle H of the R!!!
7 - Missionaries also now only refer to
assistants to the President as Assistants to the P!!!
8 - And High Councilmen are now called High C's!!!
9 - Uh oh. Do not do this:
Some people now refer to General Authorities as G.A.'s!!!
10 - And, when we die?
Of course: We all want to go to the C. Kingdom!!!!
Monday, July 03, 2006
PATRIOTIC BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS THAT COULD ONLY BE HEARD AT A LDS FOURTH OF JULY FAMILY CELEBRATION
Top Ten Things That Could Only be Overheard at a LDS Fourth of July Family Celebration:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “Would anyone like to volunteer to say the blessing?”
2 – “Anyone seen the green Jell-O salad?”
3 – “Did anyone bring fry sauce?”
4– “Hi, great great great grandpa. How are you?” 5 – “I didn’t know Aunt Diane and Uncle Dean had twelve kids. I thought they only had ten.”
6 – “Attention Everyone: We’re missing little Jacob. Has anyone seen little Jacob?”
7 – “Does anyone have an emergency kit?”
8 – “Is there a nursing mother’s room anywhere nearby?”
9 – “Can we have thirds?”
10 – “Hey, you. You’re in my math class. I didn’t realize we were cousins!”
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “Would anyone like to volunteer to say the blessing?”
2 – “Anyone seen the green Jell-O salad?”
3 – “Did anyone bring fry sauce?”
4– “Hi, great great great grandpa. How are you?” 5 – “I didn’t know Aunt Diane and Uncle Dean had twelve kids. I thought they only had ten.”
6 – “Attention Everyone: We’re missing little Jacob. Has anyone seen little Jacob?”
7 – “Does anyone have an emergency kit?”
8 – “Is there a nursing mother’s room anywhere nearby?”
9 – “Can we have thirds?”
10 – “Hey, you. You’re in my math class. I didn’t realize we were cousins!”
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!!
Friday, June 30, 2006
ARGUMENTATVIE BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS LDS PEOPLE LOVE TO ARGUE ABOUT
Top Ten Topics LDS People Love to Argue About
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Coke or Pepsi
2 – BYU or U of U
3 – Patriarchal or Patriarticle
4 – Actual date of the Second Coming
5 – Should tithing be paid on net income or gross income?
6 – Must home/visiting teaching visits include a lesson
in order to be counted?
7 – Should a kid who’s within days of turning 16 be
allowed to go to the prom?
8 – Cosmetic surgeries
9 – Watching TV on Sunday.
10 – What constitutes gambling.
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Coke or Pepsi
2 – BYU or U of U
3 – Patriarchal or Patriarticle
4 – Actual date of the Second Coming
5 – Should tithing be paid on net income or gross income?
6 – Must home/visiting teaching visits include a lesson
in order to be counted?
7 – Should a kid who’s within days of turning 16 be
allowed to go to the prom?
8 – Cosmetic surgeries
9 – Watching TV on Sunday.
10 – What constitutes gambling.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
WAHOO BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN SACRAMENT MEETING GAMES
Top Ten Sacrament Meeting Games
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1:
The Dot Game
2:
Hangman
3:
Tic Tac Toe
4:
Fast and Testimony Bingo:
who cries, who died,
quotes a scripture, disaster.
5:
Ward Celebrity look-a-likes
6:
Unlikely match-ups
of people in the Ward
7:
Best toupee
8:
Find the Most People Sleeping
9:
Best Sacrament Program Doodler
10:
Most Cheerios in Mouth
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
FETCHIN' BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN LDS SWEAR WORDS
TOP TEN LDS SWEAR WORDS
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Top Ten LDS Swear Words:
1 – Fetch!
2 – Heck!
3 – Geez!
4 – Shoot!
5 - Darn!
6 - Darn it!
7 - Darn it all!
8 – Gosh!
9 – Gosh Darn!
10 – Gosh Darn it all!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Top Ten LDS Swear Words:
1 – Fetch!
2 – Heck!
3 – Geez!
4 – Shoot!
5 - Darn!
6 - Darn it!
7 - Darn it all!
8 – Gosh!
9 – Gosh Darn!
10 – Gosh Darn it all!
Monday, June 19, 2006
LATEST FHE FAD BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN LATEST FADS IN FAMILY HOME EVENING
Top Ten Latest Fads in Family Home Evenings:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Finally, no more wondering what to do
for family night! Now, you can just put,
“ Family Home,” in front of everything
you were going to do anyway
and relieve guilt as well:
For example: Latest most popular Family Home Evening:
“Family Home Minute:
A family home evening that only lasts a few minutes.”
1 - Family Home Twenty-four: For the family
who can’t stand the thought of missing
an episode of, “24” on Fox.
2 - Family Home Shopping: For the family
who can’t resist going shopping anyway.
3 - Family Home Cleaning/Do Laundry:
For the family who must clean and/or
do laundry because they work all day.
4 - Family Home Cops: Great for the guys!
Never lose their attention again!
5 - Family Home WWF: Also great for
husbands, dads and rebellious teenage boys!
6 - Family Home DO WHATEVER!!!!:
Now you can do whatever
AND STILL call it family home evening.
7 - Family Home Yell at Your Teenager
for Not Honoring His or Her Curfew:
Hey, still falls under the official category of
Family Home Evening.
8 – Family Home Tell off the Telemarketer:
Still called Family Night!
9 – Family Home Relax: Still family night.
10 – Family Home _______________ (Fill in the
blank with the FHE of your choice)
HAPPY FAMILY HOME EVENING!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Finally, no more wondering what to do
for family night! Now, you can just put,
“ Family Home,” in front of everything
you were going to do anyway
and relieve guilt as well:
For example: Latest most popular Family Home Evening:
“Family Home Minute:
A family home evening that only lasts a few minutes.”
1 - Family Home Twenty-four: For the family
who can’t stand the thought of missing
an episode of, “24” on Fox.
2 - Family Home Shopping: For the family
who can’t resist going shopping anyway.
3 - Family Home Cleaning/Do Laundry:
For the family who must clean and/or
do laundry because they work all day.
4 - Family Home Cops: Great for the guys!
Never lose their attention again!
5 - Family Home WWF: Also great for
husbands, dads and rebellious teenage boys!
6 - Family Home DO WHATEVER!!!!:
Now you can do whatever
AND STILL call it family home evening.
7 - Family Home Yell at Your Teenager
for Not Honoring His or Her Curfew:
Hey, still falls under the official category of
Family Home Evening.
8 – Family Home Tell off the Telemarketer:
Still called Family Night!
9 – Family Home Relax: Still family night.
10 – Family Home _______________ (Fill in the
blank with the FHE of your choice)
HAPPY FAMILY HOME EVENING!!!
Friday, June 16, 2006
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN "YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LDS FATHER WHEN...."
TOP TEN "YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LDS FATHER WHEN..."
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – You tell all of your business associates, “Nigh-nigh,” when you leave work at the end of the day.”
2 – Your business cards are all stuck together.
3 – Your greatest fantasy is to have all the family bills paid on time.
4- You can turn any moment into a teaching one.
5- All of your suit pockets are filled with cracker crumbs.
6- You fear your daughter going on her first date more than you fear death.
7- Your Monday nights are spent playing, “Hangman,”and/or, “Hot or Cold.”
8- You’re willing to have your suit tie cut off to make Primary children sing louder.
9- You find your toothbrush out in the sand box.
10- You know all the verses of, “The People on the Bus.”
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – You tell all of your business associates, “Nigh-nigh,” when you leave work at the end of the day.”
2 – Your business cards are all stuck together.
3 – Your greatest fantasy is to have all the family bills paid on time.
4- You can turn any moment into a teaching one.
5- All of your suit pockets are filled with cracker crumbs.
6- You fear your daughter going on her first date more than you fear death.
7- Your Monday nights are spent playing, “Hangman,”and/or, “Hot or Cold.”
8- You’re willing to have your suit tie cut off to make Primary children sing louder.
9- You find your toothbrush out in the sand box.
10- You know all the verses of, “The People on the Bus.”
Monday, June 12, 2006
CHURCH CAMP BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS LDS YOUNG WOMEN TAKE TO GIRL'S CAMP AND TOP TEN THINGS LDS SCOUTS TAKE TO SCOUT CAMP
Top Ten Things LDS Young Women Take
to Girl’s Camp
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Butane curling iron
2 – Mirror
3 – Make-up
4 – Nair
5 – Crimper
6 – Tweezers
7 – Hairspray
8 – Nail polish
9 – iPod
10 – Candy
Top Ten Things LDS Scouts Take to Scout Camp
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1- F*art machine
2- Whoopie Cushion
3 - Cans of Refried Beans
4 – Cans of Baked Beans
5 – Cans of Lima Beans
6 – Cans of Navy Beans
7 – Cooked Broccoli
8 – Cooked Cabbage
9 – Cooked Onions
10- Matches
to Girl’s Camp
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Butane curling iron
2 – Mirror
3 – Make-up
4 – Nair
5 – Crimper
6 – Tweezers
7 – Hairspray
8 – Nail polish
9 – iPod
10 – Candy
Top Ten Things LDS Scouts Take to Scout Camp
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1- F*art machine
2- Whoopie Cushion
3 - Cans of Refried Beans
4 – Cans of Baked Beans
5 – Cans of Lima Beans
6 – Cans of Navy Beans
7 – Cooked Broccoli
8 – Cooked Cabbage
9 – Cooked Onions
10- Matches
Friday, June 09, 2006
NURSERY BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN COMMENTS FOUND IN THE DIARY OF A NURSERY LEADER
TOP TEN COMMENTS
FOUND IN THE DIARY
OF A WARD NURSERY LEADER:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “Dear Diary: I just have one question:
what did I do wrong in the pre-existence to deserve this?”
2 – “Dear Diary: I’m just getting over another cold…”
3 – “Dear Diary: I’ve been in this calling now for 3 months,
2 days and five minutes.”
4 – “Dear Diary: Today I bought ear plugs.”
5 – “Dear Diary: Why was snot invented?”
6 – “Dear Diary: Today I only took 4 Excedrine.”
7 – “Dear Diary: I’ve decided the only way out of this
is calling is to develop a bad case of claustrophobia
or some highly contagious disease for which there is
no cure.”
8 – “Dear Diary: Please forgive me. Sister Parkinson
has been driving me crazy lately
with all of her perfectionist demands
so I purposely fed her kid red punch and Oreos today.”
9 – “Dear Diary: I think it would be easier
to keep 80 ping pong balls under the water
at the same time than to get all of the kids quiet
for just one minute to hear a lesson.”
10 – “Dear Diary: I’ve decided I’m not on enough
medication yet to keep me going in this calling,
so I’ve decided to ask to be released.”
FOUND IN THE DIARY
OF A WARD NURSERY LEADER:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “Dear Diary: I just have one question:
what did I do wrong in the pre-existence to deserve this?”
2 – “Dear Diary: I’m just getting over another cold…”
3 – “Dear Diary: I’ve been in this calling now for 3 months,
2 days and five minutes.”
4 – “Dear Diary: Today I bought ear plugs.”
5 – “Dear Diary: Why was snot invented?”
6 – “Dear Diary: Today I only took 4 Excedrine.”
7 – “Dear Diary: I’ve decided the only way out of this
is calling is to develop a bad case of claustrophobia
or some highly contagious disease for which there is
no cure.”
8 – “Dear Diary: Please forgive me. Sister Parkinson
has been driving me crazy lately
with all of her perfectionist demands
so I purposely fed her kid red punch and Oreos today.”
9 – “Dear Diary: I think it would be easier
to keep 80 ping pong balls under the water
at the same time than to get all of the kids quiet
for just one minute to hear a lesson.”
10 – “Dear Diary: I’ve decided I’m not on enough
medication yet to keep me going in this calling,
so I’ve decided to ask to be released.”
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
NEWS FLASH !!!! JUST IN!!!!! JUST IN TIME FOR 6/6/6!!!BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS LDS PEOPLE BELIEVE ARE OF THE DEVIL!!!!
TOP TEN THINGS LDS PEOPLE
BELIEVE ARE OF THE DEVIL
(in honor of 666) plus a few extras, just for the fun of it!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Chewing gum on Fast Sunday
2 - Ouija boards
3 - Water
4 - Opening your eyes during a prayer
5 - Anything that is both immature
and disgusting
6 - Swear words
7 - Halloween masks
8 - Tank tops and/or wife beaters
9 - Rap music
10 - Caffeine
11 - Infringing on copyright laws
12 - Ripping the tag off the mattress
13 - Staying up past midnight
14 - Bear hug slow dancing
15 - Lottery tickets
16 - Going cross-eyed
17 - Facial hair, especially goatees
BELIEVE ARE OF THE DEVIL
(in honor of 666) plus a few extras, just for the fun of it!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Chewing gum on Fast Sunday
2 - Ouija boards
3 - Water
4 - Opening your eyes during a prayer
5 - Anything that is both immature
and disgusting
6 - Swear words
7 - Halloween masks
8 - Tank tops and/or wife beaters
9 - Rap music
10 - Caffeine
11 - Infringing on copyright laws
12 - Ripping the tag off the mattress
13 - Staying up past midnight
14 - Bear hug slow dancing
15 - Lottery tickets
16 - Going cross-eyed
17 - Facial hair, especially goatees
GENEALOGICAL BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN EXCUSES WHY SOME LDS PEOPLE CHOOSE NOT TO DO THEIR GENEALOGY
Top Ten Excuses Why Some
LDS People Choose Not To Do
Their Genealogy
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Because it will all be taken care of
in the millennium anyway.
2 – Because I’m too busy in my calling
to print up the Sacrament meeting
program each week.
3 – Because my ancestors all belonged
to other religions and none of them have ever
appeared to me, stating they want their work done.
4 – Because I feel like someone will be born
into my family some day who is supposed to do it.
5 – Because I can’t afford to do it.
6 – Because I’m waiting until they find a faster,
easier way to do it.
7- Because if I did my genealogy
I never would be able to go on vacation
with my family again.
8 – Because I’m saving it for when I get older
and have nothing better to do.
9 – Because I have too many relatives.
10 – Because every time the choice to do
my genealogy comes up, I chose to do something else.
LDS People Choose Not To Do
Their Genealogy
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Because it will all be taken care of
in the millennium anyway.
2 – Because I’m too busy in my calling
to print up the Sacrament meeting
program each week.
3 – Because my ancestors all belonged
to other religions and none of them have ever
appeared to me, stating they want their work done.
4 – Because I feel like someone will be born
into my family some day who is supposed to do it.
5 – Because I can’t afford to do it.
6 – Because I’m waiting until they find a faster,
easier way to do it.
7- Because if I did my genealogy
I never would be able to go on vacation
with my family again.
8 – Because I’m saving it for when I get older
and have nothing better to do.
9 – Because I have too many relatives.
10 – Because every time the choice to do
my genealogy comes up, I chose to do something else.
Monday, June 05, 2006
TEACHING BREAKING NEWS: TEACH A MORMON TO...
TEACH A MORMON TO...
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Teach a Mormon
how to be determined and they will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, including drawing blood, to win a Ward basketball game.
Teach a Mormon
how to be thrifty and they will knock over shelves and cash registers to be first in line for a scrapbooking sale.
Teach a Mormon
how to be prepared and they will buy wheat silos, armored cars and bullet proof vests to be ready for the Second Coming.
Teach a Mormon
how to have family pride and they picnic on their ancestors graves.
Teach a Mormon
how to be 100 percent visiting teacher and they will knock on your door at midnight, pull you out of bed and give you the message for the month.
Teach a Mormon
to serve and they will eat ten servings of ice cream.
Teach Mormon
to have fun and they will have fun, even at a loved one’s funeral.
Teach a Mormon
how to sacrifice and they will sacrifice everything but their candy or soda pop.
Teach a Mormon
to be nice and they will be very nice until someone steals their seat in a theater.
Teach a Mormon
to be obedient and they will be very obedient unless they’re late for a church meeting.
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