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2005 MORMON CENSUS

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EVERYTHING STRANGE LEARNED IN PRIMARY/VISITING TEACHING

WHAT GENEALOGIST, SCOUTMASTERS
HOPE TO FIND IN THE CELESTIAL KINGDOM

THE LATEST AND GREATEST IN MORMON PRODUCTS

MORMON HORRORSCOPES

PLUS:

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE TAKING THE GOSPEL TOO SERIOUSLY:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

1. Your Amen startles everyone in the chapel around you.

2. You don’t quite understand why your neighbor had to get a protective order against you just because you wouldn’t quit calling him to repentance.

3. You view going up to the pulpit first on Fast Sunday as a competitive sport.

4. You lay awake at night worried you are not fully magnifying your calling as the Ward Magazine Drive coordinator.

5. You can quote all of Isaiah backwards.

6. You have a Gospel answer for every question asked -- even if the question is, “What would you like for dinner tonight, dear?”

7. You believe you should give one tenth of all that you have to the church -- including your teeth, hands and toes.

8. You keep baking loaves of bread for your neighbor’s wife and she’s been dead for ten years.

9. Charity Never Faileth means CHARITY CAN NOT EVER, EVER, EVER FAIL -- even if this means giving CPR to your worst enemy’s, next door neighbor’s dying pet rat.

10. You believe church services should be held each Sunday from sunrise to sunset with an eternal consequence given to anyone who falls asleep.