TOP TEN NEWEST WAYS
LDS PEOPLE SPEAK!!!
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - It's not Family Home Evening anymore,
it's Family Home!!!
2 - Instead of, "Want to go with me somewhere?"
it's now, "Wanna go with?"
3 - Instead of BYU, it's The BY!!!
4 - Green Jell-O is now just Green J!!!
5 - And guess what? We're not preparing
for the second coming anymore
'cause we're all preparing for the Second C!!!
6 - Word is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
now refers to the The Battle Hymn of the Repulic
as The Battle H of the R!!!
7 - Missionaries also now only refer to
assistants to the President as Assistants to the P!!!
8 - And High Councilmen are now called High C's!!!
9 - Uh oh. Do not do this:
Some people now refer to General Authorities as G.A.'s!!!
10 - And, when we die?
Of course: We all want to go to the C. Kingdom!!!!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Monday, July 03, 2006
PATRIOTIC BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS THAT COULD ONLY BE HEARD AT A LDS FOURTH OF JULY FAMILY CELEBRATION
Top Ten Things That Could Only be Overheard at a LDS Fourth of July Family Celebration:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “Would anyone like to volunteer to say the blessing?”
2 – “Anyone seen the green Jell-O salad?”
3 – “Did anyone bring fry sauce?”
4– “Hi, great great great grandpa. How are you?” 5 – “I didn’t know Aunt Diane and Uncle Dean had twelve kids. I thought they only had ten.”
6 – “Attention Everyone: We’re missing little Jacob. Has anyone seen little Jacob?”
7 – “Does anyone have an emergency kit?”
8 – “Is there a nursing mother’s room anywhere nearby?”
9 – “Can we have thirds?”
10 – “Hey, you. You’re in my math class. I didn’t realize we were cousins!”
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “Would anyone like to volunteer to say the blessing?”
2 – “Anyone seen the green Jell-O salad?”
3 – “Did anyone bring fry sauce?”
4– “Hi, great great great grandpa. How are you?” 5 – “I didn’t know Aunt Diane and Uncle Dean had twelve kids. I thought they only had ten.”
6 – “Attention Everyone: We’re missing little Jacob. Has anyone seen little Jacob?”
7 – “Does anyone have an emergency kit?”
8 – “Is there a nursing mother’s room anywhere nearby?”
9 – “Can we have thirds?”
10 – “Hey, you. You’re in my math class. I didn’t realize we were cousins!”
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!!
Friday, June 30, 2006
ARGUMENTATVIE BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS LDS PEOPLE LOVE TO ARGUE ABOUT
Top Ten Topics LDS People Love to Argue About
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Coke or Pepsi
2 – BYU or U of U
3 – Patriarchal or Patriarticle
4 – Actual date of the Second Coming
5 – Should tithing be paid on net income or gross income?
6 – Must home/visiting teaching visits include a lesson
in order to be counted?
7 – Should a kid who’s within days of turning 16 be
allowed to go to the prom?
8 – Cosmetic surgeries
9 – Watching TV on Sunday.
10 – What constitutes gambling.
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Coke or Pepsi
2 – BYU or U of U
3 – Patriarchal or Patriarticle
4 – Actual date of the Second Coming
5 – Should tithing be paid on net income or gross income?
6 – Must home/visiting teaching visits include a lesson
in order to be counted?
7 – Should a kid who’s within days of turning 16 be
allowed to go to the prom?
8 – Cosmetic surgeries
9 – Watching TV on Sunday.
10 – What constitutes gambling.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
WAHOO BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN SACRAMENT MEETING GAMES
Top Ten Sacrament Meeting Games
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1:
The Dot Game
2:
Hangman
3:
Tic Tac Toe
4:
Fast and Testimony Bingo:
who cries, who died,
quotes a scripture, disaster.
5:
Ward Celebrity look-a-likes
6:
Unlikely match-ups
of people in the Ward
7:
Best toupee
8:
Find the Most People Sleeping
9:
Best Sacrament Program Doodler
10:
Most Cheerios in Mouth
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
FETCHIN' BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN LDS SWEAR WORDS
TOP TEN LDS SWEAR WORDS
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Top Ten LDS Swear Words:
1 – Fetch!
2 – Heck!
3 – Geez!
4 – Shoot!
5 - Darn!
6 - Darn it!
7 - Darn it all!
8 – Gosh!
9 – Gosh Darn!
10 – Gosh Darn it all!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Top Ten LDS Swear Words:
1 – Fetch!
2 – Heck!
3 – Geez!
4 – Shoot!
5 - Darn!
6 - Darn it!
7 - Darn it all!
8 – Gosh!
9 – Gosh Darn!
10 – Gosh Darn it all!
Monday, June 19, 2006
LATEST FHE FAD BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN LATEST FADS IN FAMILY HOME EVENING
Top Ten Latest Fads in Family Home Evenings:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Finally, no more wondering what to do
for family night! Now, you can just put,
“ Family Home,” in front of everything
you were going to do anyway
and relieve guilt as well:
For example: Latest most popular Family Home Evening:
“Family Home Minute:
A family home evening that only lasts a few minutes.”
1 - Family Home Twenty-four: For the family
who can’t stand the thought of missing
an episode of, “24” on Fox.
2 - Family Home Shopping: For the family
who can’t resist going shopping anyway.
3 - Family Home Cleaning/Do Laundry:
For the family who must clean and/or
do laundry because they work all day.
4 - Family Home Cops: Great for the guys!
Never lose their attention again!
5 - Family Home WWF: Also great for
husbands, dads and rebellious teenage boys!
6 - Family Home DO WHATEVER!!!!:
Now you can do whatever
AND STILL call it family home evening.
7 - Family Home Yell at Your Teenager
for Not Honoring His or Her Curfew:
Hey, still falls under the official category of
Family Home Evening.
8 – Family Home Tell off the Telemarketer:
Still called Family Night!
9 – Family Home Relax: Still family night.
10 – Family Home _______________ (Fill in the
blank with the FHE of your choice)
HAPPY FAMILY HOME EVENING!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Finally, no more wondering what to do
for family night! Now, you can just put,
“ Family Home,” in front of everything
you were going to do anyway
and relieve guilt as well:
For example: Latest most popular Family Home Evening:
“Family Home Minute:
A family home evening that only lasts a few minutes.”
1 - Family Home Twenty-four: For the family
who can’t stand the thought of missing
an episode of, “24” on Fox.
2 - Family Home Shopping: For the family
who can’t resist going shopping anyway.
3 - Family Home Cleaning/Do Laundry:
For the family who must clean and/or
do laundry because they work all day.
4 - Family Home Cops: Great for the guys!
Never lose their attention again!
5 - Family Home WWF: Also great for
husbands, dads and rebellious teenage boys!
6 - Family Home DO WHATEVER!!!!:
Now you can do whatever
AND STILL call it family home evening.
7 - Family Home Yell at Your Teenager
for Not Honoring His or Her Curfew:
Hey, still falls under the official category of
Family Home Evening.
8 – Family Home Tell off the Telemarketer:
Still called Family Night!
9 – Family Home Relax: Still family night.
10 – Family Home _______________ (Fill in the
blank with the FHE of your choice)
HAPPY FAMILY HOME EVENING!!!
Friday, June 16, 2006
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN "YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LDS FATHER WHEN...."
TOP TEN "YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LDS FATHER WHEN..."
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – You tell all of your business associates, “Nigh-nigh,” when you leave work at the end of the day.”
2 – Your business cards are all stuck together.
3 – Your greatest fantasy is to have all the family bills paid on time.
4- You can turn any moment into a teaching one.
5- All of your suit pockets are filled with cracker crumbs.
6- You fear your daughter going on her first date more than you fear death.
7- Your Monday nights are spent playing, “Hangman,”and/or, “Hot or Cold.”
8- You’re willing to have your suit tie cut off to make Primary children sing louder.
9- You find your toothbrush out in the sand box.
10- You know all the verses of, “The People on the Bus.”
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – You tell all of your business associates, “Nigh-nigh,” when you leave work at the end of the day.”
2 – Your business cards are all stuck together.
3 – Your greatest fantasy is to have all the family bills paid on time.
4- You can turn any moment into a teaching one.
5- All of your suit pockets are filled with cracker crumbs.
6- You fear your daughter going on her first date more than you fear death.
7- Your Monday nights are spent playing, “Hangman,”and/or, “Hot or Cold.”
8- You’re willing to have your suit tie cut off to make Primary children sing louder.
9- You find your toothbrush out in the sand box.
10- You know all the verses of, “The People on the Bus.”
Monday, June 12, 2006
CHURCH CAMP BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS LDS YOUNG WOMEN TAKE TO GIRL'S CAMP AND TOP TEN THINGS LDS SCOUTS TAKE TO SCOUT CAMP
Top Ten Things LDS Young Women Take
to Girl’s Camp
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Butane curling iron
2 – Mirror
3 – Make-up
4 – Nair
5 – Crimper
6 – Tweezers
7 – Hairspray
8 – Nail polish
9 – iPod
10 – Candy
Top Ten Things LDS Scouts Take to Scout Camp
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1- F*art machine
2- Whoopie Cushion
3 - Cans of Refried Beans
4 – Cans of Baked Beans
5 – Cans of Lima Beans
6 – Cans of Navy Beans
7 – Cooked Broccoli
8 – Cooked Cabbage
9 – Cooked Onions
10- Matches
to Girl’s Camp
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Butane curling iron
2 – Mirror
3 – Make-up
4 – Nair
5 – Crimper
6 – Tweezers
7 – Hairspray
8 – Nail polish
9 – iPod
10 – Candy
Top Ten Things LDS Scouts Take to Scout Camp
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1- F*art machine
2- Whoopie Cushion
3 - Cans of Refried Beans
4 – Cans of Baked Beans
5 – Cans of Lima Beans
6 – Cans of Navy Beans
7 – Cooked Broccoli
8 – Cooked Cabbage
9 – Cooked Onions
10- Matches
Friday, June 09, 2006
NURSERY BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN COMMENTS FOUND IN THE DIARY OF A NURSERY LEADER
TOP TEN COMMENTS
FOUND IN THE DIARY
OF A WARD NURSERY LEADER:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “Dear Diary: I just have one question:
what did I do wrong in the pre-existence to deserve this?”
2 – “Dear Diary: I’m just getting over another cold…”
3 – “Dear Diary: I’ve been in this calling now for 3 months,
2 days and five minutes.”
4 – “Dear Diary: Today I bought ear plugs.”
5 – “Dear Diary: Why was snot invented?”
6 – “Dear Diary: Today I only took 4 Excedrine.”
7 – “Dear Diary: I’ve decided the only way out of this
is calling is to develop a bad case of claustrophobia
or some highly contagious disease for which there is
no cure.”
8 – “Dear Diary: Please forgive me. Sister Parkinson
has been driving me crazy lately
with all of her perfectionist demands
so I purposely fed her kid red punch and Oreos today.”
9 – “Dear Diary: I think it would be easier
to keep 80 ping pong balls under the water
at the same time than to get all of the kids quiet
for just one minute to hear a lesson.”
10 – “Dear Diary: I’ve decided I’m not on enough
medication yet to keep me going in this calling,
so I’ve decided to ask to be released.”
FOUND IN THE DIARY
OF A WARD NURSERY LEADER:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “Dear Diary: I just have one question:
what did I do wrong in the pre-existence to deserve this?”
2 – “Dear Diary: I’m just getting over another cold…”
3 – “Dear Diary: I’ve been in this calling now for 3 months,
2 days and five minutes.”
4 – “Dear Diary: Today I bought ear plugs.”
5 – “Dear Diary: Why was snot invented?”
6 – “Dear Diary: Today I only took 4 Excedrine.”
7 – “Dear Diary: I’ve decided the only way out of this
is calling is to develop a bad case of claustrophobia
or some highly contagious disease for which there is
no cure.”
8 – “Dear Diary: Please forgive me. Sister Parkinson
has been driving me crazy lately
with all of her perfectionist demands
so I purposely fed her kid red punch and Oreos today.”
9 – “Dear Diary: I think it would be easier
to keep 80 ping pong balls under the water
at the same time than to get all of the kids quiet
for just one minute to hear a lesson.”
10 – “Dear Diary: I’ve decided I’m not on enough
medication yet to keep me going in this calling,
so I’ve decided to ask to be released.”
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
NEWS FLASH !!!! JUST IN!!!!! JUST IN TIME FOR 6/6/6!!!BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS LDS PEOPLE BELIEVE ARE OF THE DEVIL!!!!
TOP TEN THINGS LDS PEOPLE
BELIEVE ARE OF THE DEVIL
(in honor of 666) plus a few extras, just for the fun of it!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Chewing gum on Fast Sunday
2 - Ouija boards
3 - Water
4 - Opening your eyes during a prayer
5 - Anything that is both immature
and disgusting
6 - Swear words
7 - Halloween masks
8 - Tank tops and/or wife beaters
9 - Rap music
10 - Caffeine
11 - Infringing on copyright laws
12 - Ripping the tag off the mattress
13 - Staying up past midnight
14 - Bear hug slow dancing
15 - Lottery tickets
16 - Going cross-eyed
17 - Facial hair, especially goatees
BELIEVE ARE OF THE DEVIL
(in honor of 666) plus a few extras, just for the fun of it!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Chewing gum on Fast Sunday
2 - Ouija boards
3 - Water
4 - Opening your eyes during a prayer
5 - Anything that is both immature
and disgusting
6 - Swear words
7 - Halloween masks
8 - Tank tops and/or wife beaters
9 - Rap music
10 - Caffeine
11 - Infringing on copyright laws
12 - Ripping the tag off the mattress
13 - Staying up past midnight
14 - Bear hug slow dancing
15 - Lottery tickets
16 - Going cross-eyed
17 - Facial hair, especially goatees
GENEALOGICAL BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN EXCUSES WHY SOME LDS PEOPLE CHOOSE NOT TO DO THEIR GENEALOGY
Top Ten Excuses Why Some
LDS People Choose Not To Do
Their Genealogy
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Because it will all be taken care of
in the millennium anyway.
2 – Because I’m too busy in my calling
to print up the Sacrament meeting
program each week.
3 – Because my ancestors all belonged
to other religions and none of them have ever
appeared to me, stating they want their work done.
4 – Because I feel like someone will be born
into my family some day who is supposed to do it.
5 – Because I can’t afford to do it.
6 – Because I’m waiting until they find a faster,
easier way to do it.
7- Because if I did my genealogy
I never would be able to go on vacation
with my family again.
8 – Because I’m saving it for when I get older
and have nothing better to do.
9 – Because I have too many relatives.
10 – Because every time the choice to do
my genealogy comes up, I chose to do something else.
LDS People Choose Not To Do
Their Genealogy
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Because it will all be taken care of
in the millennium anyway.
2 – Because I’m too busy in my calling
to print up the Sacrament meeting
program each week.
3 – Because my ancestors all belonged
to other religions and none of them have ever
appeared to me, stating they want their work done.
4 – Because I feel like someone will be born
into my family some day who is supposed to do it.
5 – Because I can’t afford to do it.
6 – Because I’m waiting until they find a faster,
easier way to do it.
7- Because if I did my genealogy
I never would be able to go on vacation
with my family again.
8 – Because I’m saving it for when I get older
and have nothing better to do.
9 – Because I have too many relatives.
10 – Because every time the choice to do
my genealogy comes up, I chose to do something else.
Monday, June 05, 2006
TEACHING BREAKING NEWS: TEACH A MORMON TO...
TEACH A MORMON TO...
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Teach a Mormon
how to be determined and they will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, including drawing blood, to win a Ward basketball game.
Teach a Mormon
how to be thrifty and they will knock over shelves and cash registers to be first in line for a scrapbooking sale.
Teach a Mormon
how to be prepared and they will buy wheat silos, armored cars and bullet proof vests to be ready for the Second Coming.
Teach a Mormon
how to have family pride and they picnic on their ancestors graves.
Teach a Mormon
how to be 100 percent visiting teacher and they will knock on your door at midnight, pull you out of bed and give you the message for the month.
Teach a Mormon
to serve and they will eat ten servings of ice cream.
Teach Mormon
to have fun and they will have fun, even at a loved one’s funeral.
Teach a Mormon
how to sacrifice and they will sacrifice everything but their candy or soda pop.
Teach a Mormon
to be nice and they will be very nice until someone steals their seat in a theater.
Teach a Mormon
to be obedient and they will be very obedient unless they’re late for a church meeting.
Friday, May 26, 2006
.COM BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN .COMS FOR LDS PEOPLE
TOP TEN .COMS FOR LDS PEOPLE
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - helpimscrapbookingandicantstop.com
2 - neverfallasleepinanothermeetingagain.com
3 - familyhomeeveningsthatactuallywork.com
4 - idontwanttoteachmylessononsundayand
cantfindasubstitute.com
5 - whyarentiperfectyet.com
6 - bestandcheapestldsmedicationsavailableonline.com
7 - thechoristerkeepscallingandaskingmetojointhechoir
andidontwantto.com
8 - helpimthescoutmaster
andidontwanttobe.com
9 - sick-freenurseriesnow.com
10 – homemakingprojectsmadefromleft-overfuneralpotatoes.com
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - helpimscrapbookingandicantstop.com
2 - neverfallasleepinanothermeetingagain.com
3 - familyhomeeveningsthatactuallywork.com
4 - idontwanttoteachmylessononsundayand
cantfindasubstitute.com
5 - whyarentiperfectyet.com
6 - bestandcheapestldsmedicationsavailableonline.com
7 - thechoristerkeepscallingandaskingmetojointhechoir
andidontwantto.com
8 - helpimthescoutmaster
andidontwanttobe.com
9 - sick-freenurseriesnow.com
10 – homemakingprojectsmadefromleft-overfuneralpotatoes.com
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
GASPING BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS LDS PEOPLE GASP OVER
TOP TEN THINGS LDS PEOPLE GASP OVER
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Whenever someone becomes engaged.
2 – Whenever a woman announces she is pregnant.
3 – Upon the announcement of who the new Ward Bishop is.
4 – Whenever a restaurant runs out of Coke or Pepsi.
5 – Upon hearing a missionary read where he or she has been called to.
6 – Upon any bad call made in a BYU vs. U of U sporting event.
7 – Upon receiving a very exciting or very yucky new Ward calling.
8 – Upon hearing someone is gay.
9 – Upon hearing someone came home early from their mission.
10 – A long and sustained gasp always happens whenever the announcement is made in Relief Society that the sisters reached 100 percent visiting teaching for the month.
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Whenever someone becomes engaged.
2 – Whenever a woman announces she is pregnant.
3 – Upon the announcement of who the new Ward Bishop is.
4 – Whenever a restaurant runs out of Coke or Pepsi.
5 – Upon hearing a missionary read where he or she has been called to.
6 – Upon any bad call made in a BYU vs. U of U sporting event.
7 – Upon receiving a very exciting or very yucky new Ward calling.
8 – Upon hearing someone is gay.
9 – Upon hearing someone came home early from their mission.
10 – A long and sustained gasp always happens whenever the announcement is made in Relief Society that the sisters reached 100 percent visiting teaching for the month.
Monday, May 22, 2006
SURVIVAL BREAKING NEW: TOP TEN OTHER THINGS THAT MUST ALSO GO IN A LDS SURVIVAL KIT
TOP TEN OTHER ITEMS THAT
MUST GO IN A LDS SURVIVAL KIT:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Your cell phone
2 – Your IPod
3 – Your lottery ticket
4 – Your anti-depressants
5 – Your scrapbooking material
6 – Bonko
7 - Some cases of Coke or Diet Pepsi
8 – A couple of copies of The National Enquirer and People magazine
9 – Hairspray, make-up and a butane curling iron
10 – The family pet.
MUST GO IN A LDS SURVIVAL KIT:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Your cell phone
2 – Your IPod
3 – Your lottery ticket
4 – Your anti-depressants
5 – Your scrapbooking material
6 – Bonko
7 - Some cases of Coke or Diet Pepsi
8 – A couple of copies of The National Enquirer and People magazine
9 – Hairspray, make-up and a butane curling iron
10 – The family pet.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Top Ten Signs You Might Be Taking Your Calling as the Gospel Doctrine Teacher Too Seriously:
1 - Class members who forget their scriptures are threatened with their lives.
2 - You prepare your lessons one year in advance.
3- All of your visual aids are professionally made.
4 - You do not allow any noise in your classroom, including baby’s crying, coughing, sneezing, oxygen tanks and any labored breathing.
5 - You use Power Point.
To be continued...
1 - Class members who forget their scriptures are threatened with their lives.
2 - You prepare your lessons one year in advance.
3- All of your visual aids are professionally made.
4 - You do not allow any noise in your classroom, including baby’s crying, coughing, sneezing, oxygen tanks and any labored breathing.
5 - You use Power Point.
To be continued...
Monday, May 15, 2006
TOP TEN REASONS WHY LDS PEOPLE SUFFER FROM MONDAY MORNING HANGOVERS:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – They eat way too much food on Sunday.
2 – They take way too long of Sunday naps.
3 – They watch way too much television.
4 – It’s tiring trying to smile for three hours straight.
5 – It’s stressful teaching a lesson you’re preparing while you’re teaching it.
6 – It’s tiring trying not to sin all day long.
7 – It’s exhausting dressing way up in the morning and way down in the afternoon.
8 – It’s tiring to sleep through so many meetings.
9 – It’s tiring trying to keep thinking of things you can do on a day when you feel like you can't do anything at all.
10 – Chasing a three-year-old for two hours straight can also be very tiring.
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – They eat way too much food on Sunday.
2 – They take way too long of Sunday naps.
3 – They watch way too much television.
4 – It’s tiring trying to smile for three hours straight.
5 – It’s stressful teaching a lesson you’re preparing while you’re teaching it.
6 – It’s tiring trying not to sin all day long.
7 – It’s exhausting dressing way up in the morning and way down in the afternoon.
8 – It’s tiring to sleep through so many meetings.
9 – It’s tiring trying to keep thinking of things you can do on a day when you feel like you can't do anything at all.
10 – Chasing a three-year-old for two hours straight can also be very tiring.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
CHOIRLY BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN SONGS THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR CANNOT EVER SING!!!
Top Ten Songs the Mormon
Tabernacle Choir Cannot Ever Sing!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1- 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
2 - All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight by Hank Williams Jr
3 - Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray by Patsy Cline
4 - Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk by Rufus Wainwright
5 - Puff the Magic Dragon
6 - Beat It
7 - Devil Went Down to Georgia
8 - Influenza by Ace Johnson
9 - My Time Ain’t Long by Annabelle Sanford
10 - Margaritaville
Undecided:
1 - We are the World
2 - Love Train
3 - Yellow Submarine
Tabernacle Choir Cannot Ever Sing!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1- 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
2 - All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight by Hank Williams Jr
3 - Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray by Patsy Cline
4 - Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk by Rufus Wainwright
5 - Puff the Magic Dragon
6 - Beat It
7 - Devil Went Down to Georgia
8 - Influenza by Ace Johnson
9 - My Time Ain’t Long by Annabelle Sanford
10 - Margaritaville
Undecided:
1 - We are the World
2 - Love Train
3 - Yellow Submarine
Monday, May 01, 2006
MUSICAL BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN QUESTIONS ON THE APPLICATION TO BE WARD CHORISTER
TOP TEN QUESTIONS ON
THE APPLICATION
TO BE WARD CHORISTER
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Type of wardrobe:
Clown
Old lady
Looking for a spousewear
High school teenager
Brittney Spears
2 - Type of glance:
Comforting
Validating
Authoritative
Killer (sing or else!)
I’d rather be anywhere else but here
3 - Type of smile:
Mannequin
Prozacial
Hitting on people
Sales
4 - Type of jewelry:
Jewelry for every holiday
Oversized
Undersized
Cheap
Cheap but looks expensive
5 - Type of wig:
Mile high
Cotton candy
Marge Simpson
Bouffant
Flat head
Wash ‘n wear
6 - Do you chew gum on Fast Sunday?
7 - Do you have false teeth?
8 - Do you chew gum with your false teeth?
9 – Type of nails?
Porcelain
Lee Press on
Guiness Book of World Record Length
10 - Have any of the following ever happened to you?
Fainted
Had a hole in the under arm of clothing
Phony nails fall off
Cry and can’t sing
Laugh and can’t sing
Accidentally poked self in eye
Lost beat of song and threw everybody off
Forgot words
Music stand fall over
If any of the above answers applied to you, congratulations, you are qualified to be the next Ward chorister.
THE APPLICATION
TO BE WARD CHORISTER
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Type of wardrobe:
Clown
Old lady
Looking for a spousewear
High school teenager
Brittney Spears
2 - Type of glance:
Comforting
Validating
Authoritative
Killer (sing or else!)
I’d rather be anywhere else but here
3 - Type of smile:
Mannequin
Prozacial
Hitting on people
Sales
4 - Type of jewelry:
Jewelry for every holiday
Oversized
Undersized
Cheap
Cheap but looks expensive
5 - Type of wig:
Mile high
Cotton candy
Marge Simpson
Bouffant
Flat head
Wash ‘n wear
6 - Do you chew gum on Fast Sunday?
7 - Do you have false teeth?
8 - Do you chew gum with your false teeth?
9 – Type of nails?
Porcelain
Lee Press on
Guiness Book of World Record Length
10 - Have any of the following ever happened to you?
Fainted
Had a hole in the under arm of clothing
Phony nails fall off
Cry and can’t sing
Laugh and can’t sing
Accidentally poked self in eye
Lost beat of song and threw everybody off
Forgot words
Music stand fall over
If any of the above answers applied to you, congratulations, you are qualified to be the next Ward chorister.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
TOP SELLING BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN LDS ITEMS SOLD ON EBAY
TOP TEN LDS ITEMS SOLD ON EBAY
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – A piece of Gladys Knight’s left over French toast.
2 – A video tape of Donny Osmond’s last family birthday party.
3 – A bug in a jar that made it across the plains.
4 – One round-to-it
5 – A CD of Steve Young singing Christmas carols.
6 – A Basketball signed by Thurl Bailey before he joined the church.
7 – A copy of My Turn on Earth in Chinese.
8 – Someone’s calling as a Scoutmaster.
9 – A Primary picture with Johnny Depp in it as a visitor.
10 – A sealed envelope with a guaranteed date for when the millennium is to begin.
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – A piece of Gladys Knight’s left over French toast.
2 – A video tape of Donny Osmond’s last family birthday party.
3 – A bug in a jar that made it across the plains.
4 – One round-to-it
5 – A CD of Steve Young singing Christmas carols.
6 – A Basketball signed by Thurl Bailey before he joined the church.
7 – A copy of My Turn on Earth in Chinese.
8 – Someone’s calling as a Scoutmaster.
9 – A Primary picture with Johnny Depp in it as a visitor.
10 – A sealed envelope with a guaranteed date for when the millennium is to begin.
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