HOW TO BE YOUR WARD'S NEXT SUCCESSFUL GOSPEL DOCTRINE TEACHER !!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Many members of the LDS Church are absolutely terrified of being called to be the next Ward Gospel Doctrine Teacher. However, if the following steps are taken, you, too, can be a successful Gospel Doctrine teacher! And the nice thing is, most of these steps will not cost you any time, money and/or most of your religious or respectable reputation.
1. Find a book written thousands of years ago -- most of which you barely understand because of so many language barriers, unknown ancient cultures and an endless list of countless names of descendants whom, no matter how hard you try, you cannot pronounce their names, except enough to embarrass yourself and prove that you barely know what you're talking about.
2. Put on an outfit that is one size too small and ten years outdated.
3. Find a music stand that's broken.
4. Find a chalkboard with chalk that screeches so annoyingly that you can't stand hearing the sound.
5. Borrow a crying baby.
6. Locate a small table adorned with either fake flowers or a lace tablecloth.
7. Find one disagreeable person, one person who nods in agreement at everything that is said, one person who is a know-it-all and one person who believes he or she should have been called to be 'The Ward' Gospel Doctrine teacher.
8. Make a set of visual aids that never stick to the wall.
9. Find a thermostat that can't ever be set properly.
10. Find a room filled with one hundred people you hardly know, and who hardly know you, but will criticize every move you make and/or scrutinize every word you say.
11. Practice pacing back and forth across the front of the room, only stopping to adjust the music stand that continually slips downward.
12. With the screeching chalk, try to write in a straight line, while keeping the posters stuck to the wall as you try to emphasize all of the principles you believe in, but still have a hard time applying in your own life.
13. Hold the book you barely understand in one hand while trying to convince the people sitting in the metal folding chairs now staring at you like they don't believe a word you are saying that you are trying your hardest to get them to believe you.
14. Practice holding back the flood of painfully insecure tears and/or frustrating temper that keep trying to erupt.
15. Force yourself to try and avoid all of the bubble-filled words that keep building in your head about such things as quitting your calling and moving out of the Ward or suddenly developing an illness that won't allow you to teach any more.
16. Practice all of the above steps for no more than a period of 50 minutes.
17. Repeat steps 1 - 15 until you feel totally confident that you can be called as your Ward's next Gospel Doctrine teacher.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are now prepared to be called as your Ward's next Successful Gospel Doctrine teacher.
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