COMPLETE BREAKING NEWS: THE ONE AND ONLY VERY TRUE LDS PROCRASTINATOR'S PRAYER, PLUS TEN REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN'T PREPARE YOUR SUNDAY LESSON YET!

THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE LDS PROCRASTINATOR'S PRAYER

PLUS

TEN REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD NOT
PREPARE YOUR SUNDAY LESSON YET !!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

With Sunday services only hours away, here are a few points to ponder:

The One and Only True LDS Procrastinator's Prayer
(By Bettyanne Bruin)


Heaven grant me all of the excuses I need

to put off everything I can;

the courage never to change my mind regarding

my decision not do all of the responsibilities

I have been given in this life;

as well as every justification I need to explain

why I won’t be completing

each assignment given to me.

Living only in the now;

may I take each moment,
one irresponsible step at a time;

accepting all of my "perceived" hardships

as the perfect excuse I need

to put off until tomorrow

everything I just don’t feel like doing today;

explaining it all in a way

that makes me feel guilt-free,

forever surrendering

to all of my weak-spirited ways;

believing I will be momentarily happy in this life,

and trusting I will be given

all of the time I need in the next life,
to accomplish everything I should have accomplished in this life,
including:
preparing my lessons,

going to the temple,

doing my genealogy,

reading my scriptures,
saying my prayers,

carrying out my monthly visits,
fasting,

writing my personal history,

visiting the sick and the afflicted

(including the guy who cut me off

last week on the freeway,

all of my bill collectors, old boyfriends, etc.

that I hope are afflicted

with something painful by now),

oh, and by helping all of my neighbors

(including the ones who drive me crazy),
and repenting of every other responsibility

I should have accepted in this life,
but chose to put off until the next life.

Amen.

TEN REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD NOT PREPARE YOUR SUNDAY LESSON JUST YET: (By Bettyanne Bruin)

Because everyone knows the best burst of inspiration always comes during the closing prayer of Sacrament Meeting.

Because you need to make sure you leave the maximum amount of time available for experiences that might come to serve as the perfect objective for your lesson.

Because by preparing your lesson early you might be compromising the opportunity for a mighty miracle to come your way.

Because, what are you going to do if after spending all of that time preparing your lesson, no one shows up, you’ve wasted all of that time, you become depressed and you decide to commit a horrible sin?

Because there might still be more lessons to learn regarding the reasons why a person should never put off preparing his or her Sunday lesson.

Because what if you prepare your lesson and some event occurs during or after your lesson that confirms you weren’t supposed to teach that lesson afterall?

Because preparing your lesson early might lead you to develop all of the characterics possessed by those people who prepare their lessons early.

Because coming up with reasons not to prepare your lesson might help you develop all of the reasoning skills you need in your life to explain to non-members all of other thing you do not do in your life, like smoke, drink or do drugs.

Because what if you prepare your Sunday lesson on Monday and the Second Coming occurs on Tuesday?

Because not preparing a lesson is always easier than preparing one.