IF LDS PEOPLE HAD TO
WALK ACROSS THE PLAINS TODAY,
TOP TEN ITEMS THEY'D
HAVE TO TAKE WITH THEM:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Cases and cases and cases of de-caf, diet soda
2 – Cases and cases and cases of chips
3 – Cases and cases and cases of cookies
4 – Barrels of fry sauce
4 – Wagon loads of candy
5 – Battery-operated TV/DVD, plus remote control with a wagon load of batteries7 – iPod with wagon loads of batteries
8 – Cell phone with wagon loads of batteries
9 – Wagon loads of scrapbooking materials
10 – Wagon loads of basketballs
Friday, September 15, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
GENERAL CONFERENCE BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN COMMENTS OVERHEARD WHILE STANDING IN LINE FOR GENERAL CONFERENCE
TOP TEN COMMENTS OVERHEARD
WHILE STANDING IN LINE FOR
GENERAL CONFERENCE
2 –
3 –
4 –
5 -
6 –
7 –
8 –
9 –
10 –
WHILE STANDING IN LINE FOR
GENERAL CONFERENCE
(By Bettyanne Bruin )
1 –
1 –
I wonder if the line’ll be this long
to get into Heaven!
2 –
I wouldn’t even stand in a line this long
to meet my eternal companion!
3 –
How many of us in this line
do you think are related?
4 –
With a line this long,
it’s amazing we don’t drink!
5 -
I hope we don’t find out this is the line
to use the restroom!
6 –
And the pioneers thought they had it rough
crossing the plains!
7 –
I guess this is what the scriptures mean
when they say, “Endure to the end!”
8 –
Just think, if we keep doing missionary work,
this line’ll be even longer!
9 –
Just think, Honey, this line could represent
all of our posterity!
10 –
You’d think in a line this long
they could at least serve refreshments!
Saturday, September 09, 2006
SABBATH DAY BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN MOST POPULAR TIMES FOR LDS PEOPLE TO PREPARE THEIR SUNDAY LESSON
TOP TEN MOST POPULAR TIMES FOR LDS
PEOPLE PREPARE TO THEIR SUNDAY LESSON:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - While falling asleep Saturday night or
2 - While waking up Sunday morning or
3 - While sitting on the toilet Sunday morning or
4 - While brushing teeth Sunday morning or
5 - While bathing or showering Sunday morning or
6 – While doing hair, getting dressed
and putting on socks and shoes Sunday morning or
7 - While eating breakfast Sunday morning or
8 - While driving to church Sunday morning or
9 - During Sacrament meeting or
10 - While teaching the lesson.
PEOPLE PREPARE TO THEIR SUNDAY LESSON:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - While falling asleep Saturday night or
2 - While waking up Sunday morning or
3 - While sitting on the toilet Sunday morning or
4 - While brushing teeth Sunday morning or
5 - While bathing or showering Sunday morning or
6 – While doing hair, getting dressed
and putting on socks and shoes Sunday morning or
7 - While eating breakfast Sunday morning or
8 - While driving to church Sunday morning or
9 - During Sacrament meeting or
10 - While teaching the lesson.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
YOUNG MEN BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN MOST SUCCESSFUL YOUNG MEN'S ACTIVITIES
TOP TEN MOST SUCCESSFUL
YOUNG MEN'S ACTIVITIES
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1- Play basketball, then have root beer floats!
2 – Play basketball while making plans for upcoming scout trip!
3 – Hold a basketball skills camp!
4 - Learn how to be a good sport while playing basketball!
5 – Play basketball while discussing how to activate inactives!
6 – Have Young Men introduce themselves, then play basketball!
7 – Play basketball while discussing going on a mission!
8 – Play basketball while discussing dating do’s and don’ts!
9 – Invite inactives to play basketball!
10 – Play basketball while having testimony meeting!
YOUNG MEN'S ACTIVITIES
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1- Play basketball, then have root beer floats!
2 – Play basketball while making plans for upcoming scout trip!
3 – Hold a basketball skills camp!
4 - Learn how to be a good sport while playing basketball!
5 – Play basketball while discussing how to activate inactives!
6 – Have Young Men introduce themselves, then play basketball!
7 – Play basketball while discussing going on a mission!
8 – Play basketball while discussing dating do’s and don’ts!
9 – Invite inactives to play basketball!
10 – Play basketball while having testimony meeting!
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
CONFECTION BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN LOUDEST TO QUIETEST CANDY FOR SACRAMENT MEETING
Top Ten Loudest to Quietest
Candy for Sacrament Meeting
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Pop Rocks
2 - Jolly Ranchers
3 – Smarties
4 - Tic Tacs
5 - Nerds
6 – Tootsie Pop
7 – Lifesavers
8 – Taffy
9 - Starburst
10 – Gum
Candy for Sacrament Meeting
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Pop Rocks
2 - Jolly Ranchers
3 – Smarties
4 - Tic Tacs
5 - Nerds
6 – Tootsie Pop
7 – Lifesavers
8 – Taffy
9 - Starburst
10 – Gum
Thursday, August 24, 2006
FILM BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN UPCOMING LDS MOVIES
TOP TEN UPCOMING LDS MOVIES
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - The Revenge of the Mailbox: The old lady, Lethe decides to write letters back to her family that have ignored her for so long.
2 – De-cipher in the Snow: A family from rural Utah tries to decipher a sign in the snow that reads, “You Call Me to be the Next Den Leader and I’ll...” Who wrote this sign and why?
3 – Johnny Lingo and the One Cow Girlfriend He Took to the Prom: This is the story behind the real moohala girlfriend Johnny Lingo loved first and why SHE dumped HIM!
4 – Sunday Morning Warriors: This is a film about all of those early morning spunky, smiley ward members everyone wants to squish, if they were real bugs.
5 – It May be My Turn on Earth, But It’s Your Turn to be Scout Leader: One person's quest to overcome one of Earth's biggest obstacles: working in the scouting program.
6 - Out of the Mouth of BYU Babes: Movie has been cancelled due to inability to locate any real babes.
7 – Martyrs and Mormons: The Real Story of the Relief Society sisters: One question: can you be a martyr and be happy?
8 - Church Basketball Claims Settled Out of Court: This reality film is based on real live court cases.
9 - Mormons at Our Barbeque: See how much food a LDS family can really eat when they show up at a neighbor's barbeque.
10 - Man’s Search for Happiness at a BYU/UofU game: While BYU is losing can man still find happiness?
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - The Revenge of the Mailbox: The old lady, Lethe decides to write letters back to her family that have ignored her for so long.
2 – De-cipher in the Snow: A family from rural Utah tries to decipher a sign in the snow that reads, “You Call Me to be the Next Den Leader and I’ll...” Who wrote this sign and why?
3 – Johnny Lingo and the One Cow Girlfriend He Took to the Prom: This is the story behind the real moohala girlfriend Johnny Lingo loved first and why SHE dumped HIM!
4 – Sunday Morning Warriors: This is a film about all of those early morning spunky, smiley ward members everyone wants to squish, if they were real bugs.
5 – It May be My Turn on Earth, But It’s Your Turn to be Scout Leader: One person's quest to overcome one of Earth's biggest obstacles: working in the scouting program.
6 - Out of the Mouth of BYU Babes: Movie has been cancelled due to inability to locate any real babes.
7 – Martyrs and Mormons: The Real Story of the Relief Society sisters: One question: can you be a martyr and be happy?
8 - Church Basketball Claims Settled Out of Court: This reality film is based on real live court cases.
9 - Mormons at Our Barbeque: See how much food a LDS family can really eat when they show up at a neighbor's barbeque.
10 - Man’s Search for Happiness at a BYU/UofU game: While BYU is losing can man still find happiness?
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN TEACH A MORMON TO....
TOP TEN TEACH A MORMON TO...
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Teach a Mormon man to be determined
and he’ll beat his fellow quorum leaders
to make sure his team wins every Ward basketball game!
2 - Teach a Mormon woman to be thrifty
and she’ll knock over small children,
old ladies and store shelves
to be first in line for a scrapbooking sale.
3 - Teach a Mormon to be prepared
and they’ll fill wheat silos,
purchase armored cars,
acquire bullet proof vests as well as an AK 47
to make sure they’re prepared
for whatever comes their way.
4 - Teach a Mormon to have family ties
and they’ll picnic on their ancestor’s graves.
5 - Teach a Mormon woman to be a 100 percenter
and she’ll knock on your door at midnight,
pull you out of bed
and make sure her Visiting Teaching is done.
6 - Teach a Mormon to have fun
and they’ll laugh their way
through a loved one’s funeral.
7 - Teach a Mormon to sacrifice
and they’ll give up anything
and everything (every organ included)
unless it’s their chocolate, Coke or Pepsi.
8 - Teach a Mormon to be nice
and they will…
until someone steals their seat in church.
9 - Teach a Mormon to be obedient
and they will…unless they’re late for church.
10 – Teach a Mormon to
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Teach a Mormon man to be determined
and he’ll beat his fellow quorum leaders
to make sure his team wins every Ward basketball game!
2 - Teach a Mormon woman to be thrifty
and she’ll knock over small children,
old ladies and store shelves
to be first in line for a scrapbooking sale.
3 - Teach a Mormon to be prepared
and they’ll fill wheat silos,
purchase armored cars,
acquire bullet proof vests as well as an AK 47
to make sure they’re prepared
for whatever comes their way.
4 - Teach a Mormon to have family ties
and they’ll picnic on their ancestor’s graves.
5 - Teach a Mormon woman to be a 100 percenter
and she’ll knock on your door at midnight,
pull you out of bed
and make sure her Visiting Teaching is done.
6 - Teach a Mormon to have fun
and they’ll laugh their way
through a loved one’s funeral.
7 - Teach a Mormon to sacrifice
and they’ll give up anything
and everything (every organ included)
unless it’s their chocolate, Coke or Pepsi.
8 - Teach a Mormon to be nice
and they will…
until someone steals their seat in church.
9 - Teach a Mormon to be obedient
and they will…unless they’re late for church.
10 – Teach a Mormon to
Friday, August 11, 2006
CHURCH CALLING BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN CHURCH CALLINGS EVERY LDS PERSON FEARS BEING CALLED TO
TOP TEN CHURCH CALLINGS
EVERY LDS PERSON
FEARS BEING CALLED TO:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Scoutmaster
2 - Den Leader
3 - Camp Director
4 – Nursery Leader
5 – Assistant Nursery Leader
6 – Second Assistant Nursery Leader
7 - Gospel Doctrine Teacher
8 – Ward Missionary
9 – Stake Missonary
10 – Ward Mission Leader
EVERY LDS PERSON
FEARS BEING CALLED TO:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Scoutmaster
2 - Den Leader
3 - Camp Director
4 – Nursery Leader
5 – Assistant Nursery Leader
6 – Second Assistant Nursery Leader
7 - Gospel Doctrine Teacher
8 – Ward Missionary
9 – Stake Missonary
10 – Ward Mission Leader
Monday, August 07, 2006
SABBATH BREAKING NEWS: SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE SUFFERING FROM A MONDAY MORNING LDS HANGOVER
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE SUFFERING
FROM A MONDAY MORNING LDS HANGOVER:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Eyes burn from sleeping during church, as well as on and off throughout the day.
2 - Hands are dry from so much dishwashing following so many dinner visitors.
3 - Voice is groggy from talking to people at church, then going home and having follow-up discussions on lesson topics.
4 - Back hurts from sitting in the pews.
5 - Urge to sin still trying to subside after from not being able to do anything all day long.
6 - Eyes also burn from watching too much television all day long.
7 - Legs ache from not using them all day long as a result of laying on the couch all day long.
8 – Arm hurts from using the remote control for so long.
9 - Pants too tight from overeating.
10 – Eyes sensitive to light from staying indoors too long.
FROM A MONDAY MORNING LDS HANGOVER:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Eyes burn from sleeping during church, as well as on and off throughout the day.
2 - Hands are dry from so much dishwashing following so many dinner visitors.
3 - Voice is groggy from talking to people at church, then going home and having follow-up discussions on lesson topics.
4 - Back hurts from sitting in the pews.
5 - Urge to sin still trying to subside after from not being able to do anything all day long.
6 - Eyes also burn from watching too much television all day long.
7 - Legs ache from not using them all day long as a result of laying on the couch all day long.
8 – Arm hurts from using the remote control for so long.
9 - Pants too tight from overeating.
10 – Eyes sensitive to light from staying indoors too long.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
DEAR JOHN BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN WORST INTRODUCTIONS IN A LDS DEAR JOHN LETTER
Top Ten Worst Introductions
in a LDS Dear John Letter
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “You know how your brother and I
were always so close? Well…”
2 - “I liked you, so much, when I was LDS,
but now that I’m Catholic…”
3 – “I thought the sacrifice of waiting for you
for two years would be worth it, but…”
4 – “Last night, while I was praying
as to what I should do between you and Mark,
well I got this feeling that Mark and I…”
5 – Remember how you always said,
“If I can’t wait for you, just let me know? Well...”
6 – “I know your mother was just diagnosed
with cancer and that your dad recently died of a heart attack, but nothing is harder than me
having to write this letter to tell you…”
7 – “This hurts me more than it hurts you, but…”
8 – “Even though I have chosen not to wait for you any longer, I hope you’ll keep looking at the bright side.”
9 – “Because I feel you are so much more righteous than me, I feel there is no other choice other than to let you go…”
10 – Even though I have decided not to wait for you any longer, I just wanted to remind you about my younger
sister, Hilary. She has become really pretty
these past two years and, at age 16, she has just started
dating and is close enough to your age that I was thinking …”
in a LDS Dear John Letter
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “You know how your brother and I
were always so close? Well…”
2 - “I liked you, so much, when I was LDS,
but now that I’m Catholic…”
3 – “I thought the sacrifice of waiting for you
for two years would be worth it, but…”
4 – “Last night, while I was praying
as to what I should do between you and Mark,
well I got this feeling that Mark and I…”
5 – Remember how you always said,
“If I can’t wait for you, just let me know? Well...”
6 – “I know your mother was just diagnosed
with cancer and that your dad recently died of a heart attack, but nothing is harder than me
having to write this letter to tell you…”
7 – “This hurts me more than it hurts you, but…”
8 – “Even though I have chosen not to wait for you any longer, I hope you’ll keep looking at the bright side.”
9 – “Because I feel you are so much more righteous than me, I feel there is no other choice other than to let you go…”
10 – Even though I have decided not to wait for you any longer, I just wanted to remind you about my younger
sister, Hilary. She has become really pretty
these past two years and, at age 16, she has just started
dating and is close enough to your age that I was thinking …”
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
MISSIONARY BREAKING NEWS
TOP TEN MISSIONS EVERY MISSIONARY
FEELS HE OR SHE SHOULD TRULY BE CALLED TO:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Adamondiamon
2 - The Vatican
3 - The first mission to the Moon
4 - To lie on the sidewalk in Israel for three days
5 - Hawaii or Fiji or Cancun or Cabo San Lucas or Club Med
6 - To teach Mel Gibson
7 - Salt Lake City
8 - To be one of the three Nephites
9 - Hollywood
10 - To just stay home
FEELS HE OR SHE SHOULD TRULY BE CALLED TO:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - Adamondiamon
2 - The Vatican
3 - The first mission to the Moon
4 - To lie on the sidewalk in Israel for three days
5 - Hawaii or Fiji or Cancun or Cabo San Lucas or Club Med
6 - To teach Mel Gibson
7 - Salt Lake City
8 - To be one of the three Nephites
9 - Hollywood
10 - To just stay home
PRESIDENTIAL BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN CHANGES IN AMERICA IF MITT ROMNEY BECOMES PRESIDENT
TOP TEN CHANGES IN AMERICA
IF MITT ROMNEY
BECOMES PRESIDENT
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
IF MITT ROMNEY
BECOMES PRESIDENT
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 -
Corn will be pronounced carn
2 -
All cabinet meetings will begin with
"The Hello Song."
3 -
The letter "T" will be dropped from
the English alphabet ( moun-ains, ki-ens, shu-up)
4 -
The announced will be made that
fry sauce is the offical American condiment.
5 -
If a cabinet member cannot make a cabinet meeting,
he or she will need to get a substitute.
6 -
Funeral potatoes and green Jell-o salad
will be served at the White House.
7 -
The colors of the flag will be changed
to red, yellow and blue.
8 -
Refreshments will be served
after all cabinet meetings.
9 -
All state departments will use more visual aids.
10-
A war will break out to finally settle the battle:
Coke or Pepsi.
Friday, July 28, 2006
HJB BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN CHANGES IN AMERICA IF MITT ROMNEY BECOMES PRESIDENT
Greetings from Redondo Beach. I have been thinking about HJB while I've been gone. I always have an eye out for HJB things, which I will address in the future. But, for today, one idea came to me. Quickly, I will jot down as much as I can before I jump back in the ocean: TOP TEN CHANGES IN AMERICA IF MITT ROMNEY BECOMES PRESIDENT: (I can't get this computer to work right, so it's all in one run today: 1- Corn will be pronounced Carn. 2 - America's official condiment will finally be announced: Fry Sauce. 3 - The American Flag will no longer be red, white and blue, but red, yellow and blue. 4 - All cabinet meetings will beging with "The Hello Song." 5 - Finally, the biggest war in history will break out to finally make the final decision: Coke or Pepsi! 6 - The letter "T" will be dropped from the alphabet (moun-ains, ki-en, lay-on) 7 - "Fetch" will be announced as the nation's official swear word. 8 - Uh, oh. Waves are calling. I'll keep working on this one. Favorite HJB saying: Remember to BE GOOD AND HAVE FUN!!!!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Breaking News: Top Ten Things
Top Ten Things Seen at the 24th of July Parade:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – 10k and marathon racers attempting to wave and smile because they actually know people in the crowd.
2 - Salt Lake motorcade with Sheriff’s wearing fake mustaches
3 – Floats sprayed one entire metallic color (usually gold, purple or green), including live people, trees, cats, dogs!
4 – Sweaty clowns that scare both children and adults.
5 – Band members with too-tight, polyester, hand-me-down band outfits being sprayed with water sprayers to keep them cooled off.
6 – Too much horse poop.
7 – Too many motorized pooper scooper carts
8 – Old, fat Shriner’s driving Model T mini cars
9 – Tons of pamphlets from other religions.
10 - Groups of anti Mormons holding signs arguing with LDS people.
THE BEST: The Samoan band!!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – 10k and marathon racers attempting to wave and smile because they actually know people in the crowd.
2 - Salt Lake motorcade with Sheriff’s wearing fake mustaches
3 – Floats sprayed one entire metallic color (usually gold, purple or green), including live people, trees, cats, dogs!
4 – Sweaty clowns that scare both children and adults.
5 – Band members with too-tight, polyester, hand-me-down band outfits being sprayed with water sprayers to keep them cooled off.
6 – Too much horse poop.
7 – Too many motorized pooper scooper carts
8 – Old, fat Shriner’s driving Model T mini cars
9 – Tons of pamphlets from other religions.
10 - Groups of anti Mormons holding signs arguing with LDS people.
THE BEST: The Samoan band!!!!
Monday, July 17, 2006
OH MAN BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN MOST POPULAR LDS BRAG-WHINING STATEMENTS
TOP TEN MOST POPULAR
LDS BRAG/WHINING STATEMENTS
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
BragWhining: noun; When a LDS person tries to camouflage a total brag within a whine. Example:
1 -- I am sooooo tired because I stayed up all night finishing the entire Book of Mormon.
2 -- I hate this. I am soooooo nervous. I mean being the new Relief Society President is one of the biggest jobs in the church!
3 -- Oh man, I am soooooooooooo exhausted. I mean we had to pack up our entire family, drive to Mexico and then teach an entire community how to cook and clean.
4 -- I am soooooooooooooooo poor. Oh man, after buying that houseboat and jet skis, then hosting that week long party for the Ward, what more should I expect?
5 -- I am so mad. We thought our brand new, ten thousand square foot home would be done by this weekend and the contractor says the one-of-a-kind imported tile shipment from Italy is going to be late!
6 -- I am sooooo sore. I spent the entire weekend pulling every weed in our non-member neighbor's yard and then his neighbor asked me to pull his too.
7 -- Look at my hands. Can you believe it? They are all cut from spending the entire day out at the Bishop's storehouse loading and unloading 20 pound food crates.
8 -- It is so hard having 12 children. Some days I think I am going to die because I have sooooo many children.
9 -- I can't believe how much stupid time it takes to meet with our financial investor to go over all of our investments.
10 -- I have spent soooooo much time doing all of my geneaology, all the way back to the early 1200's, that I'm afraid I might go to go blind.
LDS BRAG/WHINING STATEMENTS
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
BragWhining: noun; When a LDS person tries to camouflage a total brag within a whine. Example:
1 -- I am sooooo tired because I stayed up all night finishing the entire Book of Mormon.
2 -- I hate this. I am soooooo nervous. I mean being the new Relief Society President is one of the biggest jobs in the church!
3 -- Oh man, I am soooooooooooo exhausted. I mean we had to pack up our entire family, drive to Mexico and then teach an entire community how to cook and clean.
4 -- I am soooooooooooooooo poor. Oh man, after buying that houseboat and jet skis, then hosting that week long party for the Ward, what more should I expect?
5 -- I am so mad. We thought our brand new, ten thousand square foot home would be done by this weekend and the contractor says the one-of-a-kind imported tile shipment from Italy is going to be late!
6 -- I am sooooo sore. I spent the entire weekend pulling every weed in our non-member neighbor's yard and then his neighbor asked me to pull his too.
7 -- Look at my hands. Can you believe it? They are all cut from spending the entire day out at the Bishop's storehouse loading and unloading 20 pound food crates.
8 -- It is so hard having 12 children. Some days I think I am going to die because I have sooooo many children.
9 -- I can't believe how much stupid time it takes to meet with our financial investor to go over all of our investments.
10 -- I have spent soooooo much time doing all of my geneaology, all the way back to the early 1200's, that I'm afraid I might go to go blind.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
HALFSIES BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN NEWEST WAYS LDS PEOPLE SPEAK!!!!
TOP TEN NEWEST WAYS
LDS PEOPLE SPEAK!!!
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - It's not Family Home Evening anymore,
it's Family Home!!!
2 - Instead of, "Want to go with me somewhere?"
it's now, "Wanna go with?"
3 - Instead of BYU, it's The BY!!!
4 - Green Jell-O is now just Green J!!!
5 - And guess what? We're not preparing
for the second coming anymore
'cause we're all preparing for the Second C!!!
6 - Word is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
now refers to the The Battle Hymn of the Repulic
as The Battle H of the R!!!
7 - Missionaries also now only refer to
assistants to the President as Assistants to the P!!!
8 - And High Councilmen are now called High C's!!!
9 - Uh oh. Do not do this:
Some people now refer to General Authorities as G.A.'s!!!
10 - And, when we die?
Of course: We all want to go to the C. Kingdom!!!!
LDS PEOPLE SPEAK!!!
(by Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - It's not Family Home Evening anymore,
it's Family Home!!!
2 - Instead of, "Want to go with me somewhere?"
it's now, "Wanna go with?"
3 - Instead of BYU, it's The BY!!!
4 - Green Jell-O is now just Green J!!!
5 - And guess what? We're not preparing
for the second coming anymore
'cause we're all preparing for the Second C!!!
6 - Word is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
now refers to the The Battle Hymn of the Repulic
as The Battle H of the R!!!
7 - Missionaries also now only refer to
assistants to the President as Assistants to the P!!!
8 - And High Councilmen are now called High C's!!!
9 - Uh oh. Do not do this:
Some people now refer to General Authorities as G.A.'s!!!
10 - And, when we die?
Of course: We all want to go to the C. Kingdom!!!!
Monday, July 03, 2006
PATRIOTIC BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS THAT COULD ONLY BE HEARD AT A LDS FOURTH OF JULY FAMILY CELEBRATION
Top Ten Things That Could Only be Overheard at a LDS Fourth of July Family Celebration:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “Would anyone like to volunteer to say the blessing?”
2 – “Anyone seen the green Jell-O salad?”
3 – “Did anyone bring fry sauce?”
4– “Hi, great great great grandpa. How are you?” 5 – “I didn’t know Aunt Diane and Uncle Dean had twelve kids. I thought they only had ten.”
6 – “Attention Everyone: We’re missing little Jacob. Has anyone seen little Jacob?”
7 – “Does anyone have an emergency kit?”
8 – “Is there a nursing mother’s room anywhere nearby?”
9 – “Can we have thirds?”
10 – “Hey, you. You’re in my math class. I didn’t realize we were cousins!”
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – “Would anyone like to volunteer to say the blessing?”
2 – “Anyone seen the green Jell-O salad?”
3 – “Did anyone bring fry sauce?”
4– “Hi, great great great grandpa. How are you?” 5 – “I didn’t know Aunt Diane and Uncle Dean had twelve kids. I thought they only had ten.”
6 – “Attention Everyone: We’re missing little Jacob. Has anyone seen little Jacob?”
7 – “Does anyone have an emergency kit?”
8 – “Is there a nursing mother’s room anywhere nearby?”
9 – “Can we have thirds?”
10 – “Hey, you. You’re in my math class. I didn’t realize we were cousins!”
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!!
Friday, June 30, 2006
ARGUMENTATVIE BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN THINGS LDS PEOPLE LOVE TO ARGUE ABOUT
Top Ten Topics LDS People Love to Argue About
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Coke or Pepsi
2 – BYU or U of U
3 – Patriarchal or Patriarticle
4 – Actual date of the Second Coming
5 – Should tithing be paid on net income or gross income?
6 – Must home/visiting teaching visits include a lesson
in order to be counted?
7 – Should a kid who’s within days of turning 16 be
allowed to go to the prom?
8 – Cosmetic surgeries
9 – Watching TV on Sunday.
10 – What constitutes gambling.
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 – Coke or Pepsi
2 – BYU or U of U
3 – Patriarchal or Patriarticle
4 – Actual date of the Second Coming
5 – Should tithing be paid on net income or gross income?
6 – Must home/visiting teaching visits include a lesson
in order to be counted?
7 – Should a kid who’s within days of turning 16 be
allowed to go to the prom?
8 – Cosmetic surgeries
9 – Watching TV on Sunday.
10 – What constitutes gambling.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
WAHOO BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN SACRAMENT MEETING GAMES
Top Ten Sacrament Meeting Games
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1:
The Dot Game
2:
Hangman
3:
Tic Tac Toe
4:
Fast and Testimony Bingo:
who cries, who died,
quotes a scripture, disaster.
5:
Ward Celebrity look-a-likes
6:
Unlikely match-ups
of people in the Ward
7:
Best toupee
8:
Find the Most People Sleeping
9:
Best Sacrament Program Doodler
10:
Most Cheerios in Mouth
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
FETCHIN' BREAKING NEWS: TOP TEN LDS SWEAR WORDS
TOP TEN LDS SWEAR WORDS
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Top Ten LDS Swear Words:
1 – Fetch!
2 – Heck!
3 – Geez!
4 – Shoot!
5 - Darn!
6 - Darn it!
7 - Darn it all!
8 – Gosh!
9 – Gosh Darn!
10 – Gosh Darn it all!
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
Top Ten LDS Swear Words:
1 – Fetch!
2 – Heck!
3 – Geez!
4 – Shoot!
5 - Darn!
6 - Darn it!
7 - Darn it all!
8 – Gosh!
9 – Gosh Darn!
10 – Gosh Darn it all!
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