RATHER CHILDISH BREAKING NEWS: WHAT MORMONS TRULY BELIEVE (THROUGH THE EYES OF AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD CHILD)!!!

WHAT WE (THE MEMBERS OF THE MORMON CHURCH) TRULY BELIEVE, AS SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF AN EIGHT-YEAR OLD CHILD:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

When we are eight years old, we get bathtized.

The Word of Wisdom says we can’t ever drink out-in-the-hall. And we should never smoke cigarettes either.

Our thirteenth Article of Faith says that we believe in being honest, true and chased by an elephant.

We also believe we will be punished for our own sins and not for Adam’s Ranch Dressing.

We believe that everyone should look for their own Jenny Ology, who is dead, and when we find her, we are supposed to bathtize her too.

We believe that the church has Wards, and every Ward has their very own Bishop Rick.

We believe that every month we should go without eating on Fast Sunday, but it's the slowest day of the month.

Sometimes we believe in being called nice names, like in the song, “I am a child of God, and He has sent me here, has given me an Earthly life and parents, golden dear.

We believe in a book called, Dot Run and Cover Ants! and another book called, The Boy Love’s Grape Rice, (but I don't know if I'll read this one because I've never liked rice.)

But the best part is, we believe that when we die, we will go to the See Less Jewel Kingdom, where we will live happily ever after!