p MORE BREAKING NEWS:
According to Bettyanne, there were a few VITAL questions left off her Mormon Census.
SHE ALSO NEGLECTED TO MENTION THE FOLLOWING CAUTION:
THIS FORM SHOULD NEVER BE USED TO REPLACE INSPIRATION WHEN FILLING ANY CHURCH POSITION!!!
(Stay tuned cause, according to Bettyanne, there are more missing questions yet to be revealed)
Ah-hem. And now, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, finally...
2005 MORMON CENSUS
by
Bettyanne Bruin (formerly Gillette)
If byline is included, the author gives permission
for this census to be copied and pasted
1. If you had to choose one, which one would you choose:
a. To be called as a Nursery Leader.
b. To be called as a Young Women's Camp Director
c. To be called as a Den Leader.
d. To parachute without a chute
2. Which do you consider to be the "most appropriate" reason for going into debt:
a. To purchase a home.
b. To fund your education.
c. To be ahead of everyone else on the latest in scapbooking materials.
3. If studies found that prayer burned calories, would you pray more often:
a. Yes
b. No
4. How many prayers would it take for you to lose your specific amount of excess weight:
a. 1 week
b. 1 month
c. 1 year
5. Do you believe Visa and Mastercard should be accepted at all tithing settlements:
a. Yes.
b. No.
6. If the Tabernacle seats 6,000 people, how many people can the Tabernacle really seat:
a. 10,000
b. 15,000
c. 20,000
7. Does singing, "Families Can Be Together Forever," bring:
a. A tear to your eye
b. A tingling sensation all over
c. A feeling of nausea
d. A reminder to call your therapist
8. Which of the following best describes your Family Home Evenings:
a. A zoo
b. An insane asylum
c. A boxing ring
d. A sleep disorder clinic
e. A morgue
8. (For women only): If The Law of Consecration were immediately put into action, which would be more difficult to give up:
a. Your husband
b. Your chocolate
9. (For men only): If The Law of Consecration were immediately put into action, which would be more difficult to give up:
a. Your wife
b. Your television set
10. Please define: The Cultural Hall is:
a. A large room where people (sometimes from all over the world) can gather:
b. An area set aside for honoring countless special occasions
c. An over-packed hall where members boo and throw things at basketball games
11. If forced, which question would you most prefer to answer in Sunday School class:
a. What is the most grievious sin you've ever committed
b. Please name and explain the twelve tribes of Israel.
12. Which family do you hope makes it to the Celestial Kingdom first:
a. Adam's family
b. Moses' family
c. Lehi's family
d. The Steed family
13. Should "Members Without Pioneer Heritage" be allowed to establish a support group:
a. Yes.
b. No
14. Do you believe all boys attending Scout Camp should be required to wear "safe return" bracelets:
a. Yes
b. No
15. Consider the following: Your toddler wakes up with a 102 degree fever, runny nose and a hacking cough. Do you:
a. Give your child medication before you put your child in the nursery
b. Give your child medication after you put your child in the nursery.
Stay tuned for the product descriptions of the latest Mormon Barbie and Ken dolls.
1. If you had to choose one, which one would you choose:
a. To be called as a Nursery Leader.
b. To be called as a Young Women's Camp Director
c. To be called as a Den Leader.
d. To parachute without a chute
2. Which do you consider to be the "most appropriate" reason for going into debt:
a. To purchase a home.
b. To fund your education.
c. To be ahead of everyone else on the latest in scapbooking materials.
3. If studies found that prayer burned calories, would you pray more often:
a. Yes
b. No
4. How many prayers would it take for you to lose your specific amount of excess weight:
a. 1 week
b. 1 month
c. 1 year
5. Do you believe Visa and Mastercard should be accepted at all tithing settlements:
a. Yes.
b. No.
6. If the Tabernacle seats 6,000 people, how many people can the Tabernacle really seat:
a. 10,000
b. 15,000
c. 20,000
7. Does singing, "Families Can Be Together Forever," bring:
a. A tear to your eye
b. A tingling sensation all over
c. A feeling of nausea
d. A reminder to call your therapist
8. Which of the following best describes your Family Home Evenings:
a. A zoo
b. An insane asylum
c. A boxing ring
d. A sleep disorder clinic
e. A morgue
8. (For women only): If The Law of Consecration were immediately put into action, which would be more difficult to give up:
a. Your husband
b. Your chocolate
9. (For men only): If The Law of Consecration were immediately put into action, which would be more difficult to give up:
a. Your wife
b. Your television set
10. Please define: The Cultural Hall is:
a. A large room where people (sometimes from all over the world) can gather:
b. An area set aside for honoring countless special occasions
c. An over-packed hall where members boo and throw things at basketball games
11. If forced, which question would you most prefer to answer in Sunday School class:
a. What is the most grievious sin you've ever committed
b. Please name and explain the twelve tribes of Israel.
12. Which family do you hope makes it to the Celestial Kingdom first:
a. Adam's family
b. Moses' family
c. Lehi's family
d. The Steed family
13. Should "Members Without Pioneer Heritage" be allowed to establish a support group:
a. Yes.
b. No
14. Do you believe all boys attending Scout Camp should be required to wear "safe return" bracelets:
a. Yes
b. No
15. Consider the following: Your toddler wakes up with a 102 degree fever, runny nose and a hacking cough. Do you:
a. Give your child medication before you put your child in the nursery
b. Give your child medication after you put your child in the nursery.
Stay tuned for the product descriptions of the latest Mormon Barbie and Ken dolls.
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