Why Mormon Men are So Grumpy

1 -

Because Mormon men believe in the next life,

they pace themselves in this life--

there's plenty of time to have fun...

in the next life!

2 -

Because this life is a test

and tests aren't fun.

3 -

Because this life is meant to endure

and enduring is not fun.

4 -

Because if Mormon men are happy,

their friends and family might think they are too lighthearted

and if their friends and family think they are too lighthearted,

they might start smoking and drinking because of this.

5 -

Because men are that they might have joy

was only meant for those who lived

during Book of Mormon times.

6 -

Because having fun is not as rewarding

as feeling a sense of control over one's environment

by being grumpy.

7 -

Because they are preoccupied with the fact that they cannot sin

and possibly Mormon men would like to sin

if they really had the choice--

or at least this might be their perception.

8 -

Because the idea of having a wife and children

and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and so on,

really does bother them.

9 -

Because they never get what they really want,

which raises the question,

what do they really want?

10 -

Because, for them, being grumpy is so much more fun

than being happy!

TOP TEN WORST THINGS ABOUT MOVING INTO A NEW WARD

Top Ten Worst Things About Moving Into a New Ward
by Bettyanne Bruin

1.
For about five years,
you are "out" while everyone else is "in".

2.
This is when you run the highest risk
of being called into the nursery.

3.
You will, most likely,
have to give a talk in sacrament meeting...
unless your first name is Kristin.

4.
Because of the unspoken reserved seating in the chapel,
you have no idea which one pew is available
for your family to sit on in sacrament meeting.

5.
You now have to listen in Sunday School
rather than looking around the room
and projecting what's probably happening
in the lives of every other person in class.

6.
Trying to convince yourself that
the sea of fake smiles
that constantly approaches you
really is real.

7.
When you and/or your spouse
bump into that old flame
or the relative of that old flame.

8.
Trying to figure out which of the many odd groups
you will end up hanging out with and,
until you figure this out,
realizing you have to be nice to all of them.

9.
Hoping your first comment in Sunday School
helps you fit in
and not alienate you even more.

10.
The overwhelming fear that one day
your bishop will call and say,
"You seem like nice people,
however we prefer
you not attend
our ward anymore."