TOP TEN LDS BILL OF RIGHTS:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)
1 - I have the right to sit in the same seat at church because it’s the only place I feel truly inspired.
2 - I have the right to keep every compassionate service dish I have received and neglected to return the last six years.
3 - I have the right to not give a lesson once a year because I’d rather talk about the Super Bowl instead.
4 - I have the right to believe I might still be going to the Celestial Kingdom, even though I just got back from Wendover.
5 - I have the right to crash anything my home teaching families might be in the middle of -- including sleeping, family parties or grandpa dying on the family couch because I believe so strongly in the home teaching program.
6 - I have the right to criticize what my neighbor does on Sunday, even though what I do on Saturday is probably worse.
7 - I have the right to put lipstick on my lips and tell the Primary children I am going to kiss them if they don’t sing because, by doing this, they actually do sing louder.
8 - I have the right to knock on my neighbor’s door, at any chosen moment, and scream, “The end of the world is here!” because this might make him want to finally take the missionary discussions.
9 - I have the right to consider myself as having read the Book or Mormon, even though I have never gotten past the “compare to Isaiah” part.
10 - I have the right to put whatever I want into the church hymnal holder because my tithing helps pay for this and it looks so much like a mini-trashcan holder too.
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