CAUTION: BREAKING NEWS: NEW LDS WARNING LABELS EVERY LDS PERSON SHOULD KNOW ABOUT

NEW LDS WARNING LABELS
EVERY LDS PERSON SHOULD KNOW ABOUT !!!:
(By Bettyanne Bruin)

CAUTION: THESE LABELS MUST APPEAR
WHERE EVER LDS CHURCH HOUSE ITEMS ARE FOUND!!!:

Church doors: Caution: This door is a lethal weapon. This door can cause extreme bodily harm, bodily dismemberment or even death to any Primary, Relief Society or Priesthood member who chooses to rush down the hall without an assumption that this door could fly open at any moment by another impatient LDS member.

Chair Racks: Caution: Chair racks can cause extreme bodily harm, dismemberment or death when used as a temporary amusement park specialty ride, specifically before, during or after LDS Christmas parties and/or when occupied by lots of Primary children and manually steered and/or pushed and/or pulled by any young man/men between the ages of twelve to eighteen.

Hymn Holders: Caution: This hymn holder can cause brain injury, damage or even death to any or all babies or toddlers when child is unsupervised by parents, especially during the opening or closing prayer. Hymn Holders are also not to be used as storage units for gum, gum wrappers, toys, papers, purses, pens, pencils, shoes, socks, books, dirt, sand, scrapbooking material, face cards …

LDS Cultural Hall Stage: Caution: This stage can cause bodily harm, dismemberment or death when miscalculated. This stage is shorter than the human mind can calculate, especially the LDS human mind. As a result, LDS human beings are particularly susceptible to falling off this stage. The extended portion of this stage can also result in bodily harm, dismemberment or death, especially to young members of the LDS church, who do not calculate properly the low height of the stage extension, particularly while running wildly around the room during, before or after any church activity.

Primary Folding Chairs: Caution: This chair is a lethal weapon. Serious injury or even death can occur as a result of standing on the inside edge of the chair while facing backwards, or learning too far over to the right or the left, or pulling the chair from behind, or any other acrobatic move LDS children are so prone to invent while attending Primary.

Chapel or Classroom Partition: Caution: This partition is not to be used as a flying, swinging, pushing or shoving device as could be imagined on any amusement park ride. Such action could result in bodily harm, dismemberment or even death.